TMMPF

P6 2011: Final Standings

2012-01-16T21:37:00.001-06:00

A week ago tonight, Alabama defeated Louisiana State to win college football's national championship. Due to extenuating circumstances (ie, work was nuts, I needed to write the Best Of, and we're about to have a kid), I'm only getting to posting the final update now. (The top two finishers were informed Tuesday morning, as soon as I ran the numbers after the final AP poll was posted.) We've reached the end of four months of clever names and silly pictures; let's see how it all finished up.

Biggest movers: Generally, not a lot happens between the end of the regular season and the ranking after the bowl games. It takes a major collapse to fall very far, like losing 70-33 to the champion of the weakest of the six major conferences. Of course, no Pick Sixer had Clemson, so that drop didn't affect the game. Among involved teams, West Virginia (+6) was the beneficiary of that Clemson beatdown, and Oklahoma moved up 3 after beating Iowa (as they should have, Iowa did not belong in that game, thanks a lot Pennsylvania State for screwing up the Big Ten's bowl lineup). Nosedivers: Virginia Tech, -4 after losing to the luckiest Michigan team in decades; Kansas State, -4 after losing the Cotton Bowl to a very good Arkansas squad, and a couple of red-clad -3s (Nebraska and Stanford).

Biggest gainer: Even though I just said most teams didn't move very much, three players managed to finangle a 10-point jump off those gainers: "QBKatt" and "Takin' that Pick 6 to the House!" (the only two players with identical picksets) plus "A Burfict Ten."

And now, your winner:

"Sidney" entered the final poll with a five-point lead on "HORRIBLE Dog." Both had Stanford and Southern Cal, so it really came down to the Big Ten vs. SEC Showdowns in Groups C and D: South Carolina or Wisconsin, and Outback Bowl combatants Michigan State vs. Georgia. Unfortunately for the dog, her two lost and Sidney's two won, allowing the lead to widen to eight points.

Congratulations to Sidney, winner of the 2008 Volunteer license plate, officially issued by the Tennessee Department of Revenue. Here's what this year's version looks like. And congrats to HORRIBLE Dog, winner of the Tennessee Volunteers coozie, which she no doubt will urinate on. The top scoring kitty is "The Boonster," ninth overall, which is a great comeback story after he didn't do so well last year (dead last). The top scoring child is "The Bobcat," seventh overall, who visited us this summer and loved meeting our (at the time only) kitty and who also jams a mean blues harp.

Quigley gets ready to say goodbye to the prize he won last year, and has no use for.

As always, you can check out the standings here. I color coded the sheet so you can see how your teams did in the bowl. Green is a win, red a loss, and black means that either they didn't make a bowl or they are on NCAA probation for providing impermissible benefits to star running back Reggie Bush. If you want to see how your team did over the season, just click the other tab called "Points."

I just want to say thank you to all the babies, children, cats, adults, and yes, even the dogs who played the game this year. It was a lot of fun to talk with you through the season. I hope you heed the call when the email goes out in August to pick six more teams.

BEST OF MPF 2011

2012-01-11T09:24:00.000-06:00

BEST DAY: July 1, the day we got medical confirmation that we are pregnant with our first child (due late February). Runner-up: Six days earlier, on June 25, we adopted a kitten named Franklin.

BEST ALBUM: The two-disc compilation “The Bridge School Concerts 25th Anniversary Edition.”

BEST SONG: “Rolling in the Deep” by Adele. Runner-up: “Discoverer” by R.E.M.

WORST TITLE FOR AN OTHERWISE DECENT SONG: “Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall” by Coldplay.

BEST CONCERT: Robert Plant at Ravinia (June 16). Runners-up: The Hold Steady at the Metro (Aug. 25), Scott Miller at Schubas (Nov. 9).

NOT BEST DAY OR BEST CONCERT SO I GUESS IT GETS ITS OWN CATEGORY: The Dave Matthews Band Caravan (July 10), a daylong music festival at the old US Steel site on the South Side’s lakeshore. We saw Emmylou Harris, the Jayhawks, Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings, David Gray, Flaming Lips and DMB.

BEST PICTURE: Keeping with the theme of new additions, I think I’ll go with these two:

The 20-week ultrasound.

Franklin's first day home.

BEST OPENING ACT: Nick Lowe (for Wilco, Dec. 12 at the Civic Opera House). Runner-up: Big Head Todd and the Monsters (for John Hiatt at Ravinia).

BEST COVER: I saw many cool versions this year, but the winner is the Flaming Lips doing Pink Floyd's “Dark Side of the Moon” at DMB Caravan. Runners-up include “Secret Agent Man” by the Gin Blossoms (Frontier Days in Arlington Heights, July 1) and Big Head Todd and the Monsters’ "America the Beautiful" (Ravinia, on the 10th anniversary of Sept. 11).

The magical weirdness of the Flaming Lips. (click to see detail)

BEST NEW VENUE: We finally saw a show at Lincoln Hall (Old 97’s, July 20) and enjoyed the intimate space with great sightlines.

BEST VACATION/BEST WAY TO WATCH A BEARS GAME: Our Caribbean cruise/the big screen by the pool deck, wearing shorts in winter (Jan. 23-30).

BEST AD: I don't always watch commercials. But when I do, I prefer the Most Interesting Man in the World (Dos Equis).

I actually saw this one before it was released, as part of focus group testing. The cat on the table was my favorite part.

WORST AD: I covered my ears when I heard the incessant earworms of State Farm’s “get to a better state” radio jingles. I also hated AT&T’s “that’s so 12 seconds ago” ads.

BEST MOVIE: True Grit, directed by Joel and Ethan Coen (released in late 2010, saw in the theatre early 2011).

BEST TV SHOW: Louie (FX). I didn’t watch a lot of TV beyond sports and news, but this was incredibly funny and honest.

MOST FUN DURING THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON: The Pick Six game I managed. Last year we had about 12 people, this year we had more than 50.

BEST CUBS GAME: My first ever Cubs-Sox game was in the midst of a Cubbie losing streak, but the North Siders got the win (July 3).

BEST NOTRE DAME GAME: After an 0-2 start, the Irish steamrolled Michigan State 31-13 (Sept. 17).

BEST ROAD TRIP: Many good nominees here, but I’ll go with my first trip to Ohio University in Athens, Ohio (Oct. 14-16). The football team lost the Homecoming game, but I really enjoyed seeing the campus.

Franklin's original ad from the adoption agency.

WORST THING ABOUT THERE NOT BEING A DOUBLE-A BASEBALL TEAM AROUND HERE: We could have completed the grand slam, as we went to major league (Cubs, twice), Class AAA (Toledo, May 28, although it turned into a rainout) and Class A games (Kane County Cougars, July 29).

BEST T-SHIRT: The one that said "National Sarcasm Society" and below in smaller letters "Yeah, like we really need your support." (spotted on Randolph Street near Wells)

BEST PLAY: The Les Miserables revival we saw (Cadillac Palace, Feb. 25) was neat and all, but did match lofty expecations, so I’m giving it to a small play we saw in Boston called “Or,” (Lyric Stage Company, Oct. 29).

WE’LL MISS: Rock band R.E.M., who called it quits after a 31-year career on Sept. 23.

We are looking forward to an exciting new adventure in the new year. May God’s blessings be on you and your family in 2012.

P6 2011: A Programming Note

2012-01-08T21:23:00.000-06:00

Attention Pick Sixers: the final game of the season is Monday night. The final AP poll will be released Tuesday morning. Ideally I would crank the numbers in the morning and get the results posted. However I will be working out of town on Tuesday, so I'll strive to get the final numbers up as quickly as possible.

This probably only affects Sidney and HORRIBLE Dog, as the rest of you can probably wait a day to see howe it all finished up. But I don't want you all thinking I'm asleep at the wheel.

Enjoy the last college football game for eight months. This shall be the first and last time I say this on the blog or ever: Roll Tide.

Be Sure To Get Your Money's Worth

2012-01-02T18:01:00.000-06:00

We drove home from Ohio on Tuesday, buzzing through the lake effect snow of northern Indiana with minimal breaks. We made it in plenty of time to watch the first bowl game of the day, the Pizza Pizza Bowl. During a commercial for the second game (the Belk Bowl), I said, hey, we'll get to find out what a "Belk" is! TM chuckled and said she thought it might be a department store.

But the point stuck with me: what the hell is a Belk? And why do they sponsor a bowl game?

Sponsoring a bowl game probably costs a lot of money. (And if it doesn't, get ready for the TMMPF Bowl in December 2012!) A company should expect to get its money worth by getting its name in front of hundreds of thousands watching at home nationwide. And some of these companies are wasting their money by putting their name on something that just confuses the hell out of their target audience (me and other football fans).

The drive home from Ohio. Once again cute Franklin (and Quigley) makes an appearance in a post that has nothing to do with kitties.

So with TM's encouragement I decided to rate all the bowls by the wisdom of their sponsporships. The actual bowl name, when applicable, is in parentheses.

BEST:
Tostitos (Fiesta)
AT&T (Cotton)
Discover (Orange)
Capital One
Allstate (BCS National Championship, Sugar)
Hyundai (Sun)
Chick-fil-A
Outback
AutoZone (Liberty)

These are the smartest of the 34 sponsors (there are 35 bowl games; Allstate has two). At the top of the list are broad, nationally recognized names that consumers use or see nearly every day: tortilla chips, credit cards, insurance, telecommunications, cars, restaurants. AutoZone is at the bottom of the first tier because while it is a nationally known chain, it does not have the name recognition or frequency of Outback Steakhouse or AT&T. And while I hate hate HATE the Capital One ads, I must acknowledge it is logical for them to get their name on a bowl.

GOOD:
Meineke Car Care
Champs Sports
New Era (Pinstripe)
Vizio (Rose)
Sheraton (Hawaii)

The next tier contains solid names that align with the demographic: a lesser known sports bar chain (Ed: Champps is a sports bar. Champs Sports sells athletic gear. That just proves my point), a ballcap maker, a TV maker, a hotel chain. Vizio should maybe be lower because I don't know if people know what Vizio is (I think it's a software for making flow charts) but at least they are trying to get in front of guys who buy TVs. Same for sports ~~bars~~ clothing and ballcaps. And if you're wondering why AutoZone gets the top rank and Meineke does not, it is because they are intentionally confusing me the fan by moving their bowl almost 1,000 miles but keeping the same name.

And whatever happened to George Foreman ads in the Meineke bowl?

MEDIUM:
Beef 'O' Brady's (St. Petersburg)
Little Caesars Pizza
Valero (Alamo)
MAACO (Las Vegas)
TicketCity

We're starting to get into questionable territory here. Little Ceasars should be higher ... after all, they are a well-known brand with a product people eat all the time. But they insist on calling it the "Little Caesars Pizza Bowl" which sounds like a disgusting product on their menu. I can only imagine the marketing executive working with his kitchen guys on creating a pizza bowl. (TM and I envision a bowl of crust, like a bread-bowl for soup, with all the ingredients piled in ... essentially, an open-faced calzone, but again, we do NOT want to see this come to market.)

This shitty idea has happened before, people. Let's not have it happen again.

Valero (gasoline) and Ticket City (online ticket reseller) are trying to get their names out there. At least Ticket City had the sense to not slap a "dotcom" at the end of their name. Beef "O" Brady should be punished on the simple grounds of having a stupid name, but at least I think they are more national than regional. And Maaco? Does anyone my age or younger remember "Uh oh, better call Maaco?" More to the point: there are still Maacos in business?

MEDIUM-STUPID:
Taxslayer.com (Gator)
GoDaddy.com
Kraft Fight Hunger
Insight
Famous Idaho Potato

We're into borderline stupid territory. Only the more blatantly stupid transgressors of the next category make these guys look halfway decent by comparison:

First up are Taxslayer.com and GoDaddy.com. With Taxslayer, I can guess at the purpose: tax prep. And, yes, it is tax prep season, so this kind of makes sense. However, in a world with H&R Block and Jackson Hewitt and Turbo Tax, I am not going to trust my finances to a website that makes me think of knights and dragons. As for Godaddy.com: how many people are ever going to register a website domain, and how many of them are too dumb to go to Network Solutions?

Famous Idaho Potato: The best line I read leading up to this game was, someone asked "is the potato famous, or the bowl game?" As for Insight: I am in favor of intangible concepts, as long as they are patriotic like Independence or Liberty. I don't have a clue why I should feel perceptive or clever during a bowl game.

A Kraft Foods bowl: I'd buy that. A bowl that slaps Kraft's name onto a verb and noun? No.

STUPID:
San Diego County Credit Union (Poinsettia)
Franklin American Mortgage (Music City)
Northrop-Grumann (Military)
R & L Carriers (New Orleans)
Bridgepoint Education (Holiday)
Bell Helicopter (Armed Forces)

These are stupid for two reasons: usage and geography. When was the last time you bought a helicopter? How about a spy satellite? Or hired a trucking company (not a moving company) to transport shipments across country? Your average viewer doesn't give a shit about these three because it's not relevant to daily life.

Franklin American, while having a kitty-friendly and patriotic name, is stupid for the same reason the financial companies are at the top of the list: what is the point of this bowl if I can't find or walk into a Franklin American branch? And doesn't the housing market suck right now? And how do I find a Bridgeport Education? Do I have to go to the Bridgeport neighborhood of Chicago? Isn't that inconvenient for everyone in America? (Even when I lived in Wrigleyville I wouldn't go to Bridgeport for anything.) (Okay, the fact that I thought it was called Bridgeport, not Bridgepoint, should be enough for them to reassess their name recognition.)

And to the San Diego County Credit Union: I love football. But I can't be a customer of yours. Do you know why? Because I don't fricking live in San Diego! Just like almost EVERYONE ELSE IN THE COUNTRY watching your football game. Buy a billboard on I-5.

FLAT OUT CONFUSING:
AdvoCare V100 (Independence)
Gildan (New Mexico)
BBVA Compass
Belk

Can anyone say what or who AdvoCare V100 is? I will concede it sounds like a brand of gasoline. But do you know for sure? Shouldn't a gasoline COMPANY sponsor the bowl? It's not like CapOne has the "Platinum Credit Card" bowl or Outback has the "10 ounce New York Strip" bowl.

BBVA Compass: I was so puzzled I broke down and used Wikipedia to look it up.

Gildan and Belk: Well, we watched the bowl and TM was right, it's a Southern department store. Good for them ... does nothing for us customers in 34 of the 50 states where there isn't a Belk.

Now THIS is top-notch customer marketing. (click to read detail)

By the way, as I was going through the list, I realized there is no Papajohns.com Bowl anymore. This would have ranked between good and medium, because it is for a consumer product, but it's stupid to name a bowl after your website if you have a physical store or thing.

In conclusion: there are already too many bowls as it is. Let's lop off the bottom five or 10, since those sponsors are wasting their money. Ford, Verizon Wireless and JPMorgan Chase: come on down.

Shower Cat (A Story)

2011-12-28T11:17:00.000-06:00

Friends, let me tell you a little secret about cats. One of many great things about cats is that they clean themselves. Every single cat we've had has been the self-cleaning type--in fact, I've always gone to great care to select the deluxe model of housecat with that feature added. If you're gonna get a cat, I say, you might as well spring for all the bells and whistles. It's so great to not have to worry about giving a kitty a bath, like with messy dogs, or how--

Oh! Hello there kitty. What are you doing in the shower? Silly kitty, you can clean yourself. In fact, I was just talking about how great it is that kitties don't need to take a bath...they clean themselves! Yup, just pull out that rough textured tongue, a generous supply of saliva from those glands Mother Nature gave ya, and wash away. Many times a day if needed! Boy, if I had a nickel for every time a cat of mine just up and stopped what he was doing to give himself a quick --

Oh, need some private time, I see. Okay, well, ahh, I guess I'll just leave you alone, let you do your thing, as they say. ... Say, little fella, do you know how to operate this here contraption? I mean, your species, they generally do this kind of thing on their own, you know what I mean. I've heard of kitties being toilet trained but this is a different thing altogether.

* * *

Now, that same story told in LOLCats:

P6 2011: Bowls To Care About

2011-12-17T18:02:00.022-06:00

Every year, the bowl season sprawls out with unfamilar sponsors like "Belk" and "R + L Carriers" and exotic locations like San Francisco and Boise. How to make sense of all of it? And what does it mean for the Pick Six?

Luckily, I've put together my annual list of the bowl games, starting with the ones that have zero impact on the Pick Six game, because no one picked either team:

ZERO:

Dec. 17 Gildan New Mexico Bowl: Wyoming vs. Temple, Albuquerque
Dec. 17 R & L Carriers New Orleans Bowl: San Diego State vs. Louisiana-Lafayette; New Orleans
Dec. 20 Beef 'O' Brady's St. Petersburg Bowl: Florida International vs. Marshall; St. Petersburg
Dec. 24 Sheraton Hawaii Bowl: Southern Miss vs. Nevada; Honolulu
Dec. 27 Little Caesars Pizza Bowl: Purdue vs. Western Michigan; Detroit
Dec. 27 Belk Bowl: NC State vs. Louisville; Charlotte
Dec. 30 New Era Pinstripe Bowl: Iowa State vs. Rutgers; New York
Dec. 31 AutoZone Liberty Bowl: Cincinnati vs. Vanderbilt; Memphis
Jan. 8 GoDaddy.com Bowl: Northern Illinois vs. Arkansas State; Mobile

If you want to watch these, hey, it's your choice. Caveat watchtor.

Next, if you want to have your rooting interests nice and clear, these games involve just one Pick Six selection:

ONLY ONE TEAM MATTERS:

Dec. 17 Famous Idaho Potato Bowl: Ohio (4) vs. Utah State (0); Boise
All players who went with Ohio are alums or spouses of alums.

Dec. 21 San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl: TCU (9) vs. Louisiana Tech (0); San Diego
TCU was a popular preseason pick, but two early losses knocked them out of the Top 25. With a win, they can finish the year about where they started (14th).

Dec. 26 AdvoCare V100 Independence Bowl: North Carolina (0) vs. Missouri (12); Shreveport
Dec. 28 Military Bowl: Toledo (1) vs. Air Force (0); Washington, DC
Dec. 29 Valero Alamo Bowl: Baylor (0) vs. Washington (2); San Antonio
Dec. 30 Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl: Wake Forest (0) vs. Mississippi State (4); Nashville

This wins the award for longest bowl name of the year.

Dec. 31 Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl: Illinois (2) vs. UCLA (0); San Francisco

Illinois was picked by an alum, plus a native-born kitty. In other words, no one without a connection to Illinois wanted this team.

Dec. 31 Hyundai Sun Bowl: Georgia Tech (0) vs. Utah (1); El Paso

Jan. 4 Discover Orange Bowl: Clemson (0) vs. West Virginia (9) Miami
For most the year, Clemson was the highest ranked team that no one picked. What is it about the color orange that makes us not trust the team that wears it?

Jan. 7 BBVA Compass Bowl: Pittsburgh (0) vs. SMU (1); Birmingham
Don't sleep on "The Bobcat." A strong showing by Notre Dame and SMU could get those teams into the final poll. Add in wins by Nebraska and Arkansas (both favored) and that could be enough for The Bobcat to make a run for first place.

Finally, here are the games that have a lot of picks involved. The P6 championship may hang in the balance of one or more of these games.

NOW THESE GET INTERESTING:

Dec. 22 MAACO Bowl Las Vegas: Boise State (10) vs. Arizona State (6); Las Vegas
Dec. 28 Bridgepoint Education Holiday Bowl: Cal (1) vs. Texas (8); San Diego
Texas was the most popular Pick Sixth team. I guess many of you thought, there's no way that Texas can be that bad two years in a row! And you were right ... Texas flipped that 5-7 record into a 7-5.

Dec. 29 Champs Sports Bowl: Florida State (14) vs. Notre Dame (16); Orlando
This won't decide the P6 championship or anything, but it is in a tie as the most involved bowl with 30 picks total. (A couple players have both teams, and thus will be rooting against themselves.)

Dec. 30 Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl: BYU (1) vs. Tulsa (1); Dallas
Call this the "Dave on da Car Phone" vs. "No (Bleeping) Clue" Bowl. This is the beauty of the Pick Six game, bringing together a former co-worker and a high school friend's wife, using college football.

Dec. 30 Insight Bowl: Iowa (7) vs. Oklahoma (12); Tempe
Dec. 31 Meineke Car Care of Texas Bowl: Northwestern (3) vs. Texas A&M (7); Houston
Dec. 31 Chick-fil-A Bowl: Virginia (1) vs. Auburn (14); Atlanta
Jan. 2 TicketCity Bowl: Penn State (3) vs. Houston (1); Dallas
Current second-place "HORRIBLE Dog" has Houston. Would a Houston win be enough to boost the dog to the top spot?

Jan. 2 Outback Bowl: Michigan State (11) vs. Georgia (14); Tampa
Jan. 2 Capital One Bowl: Nebraska (20) vs. South Carolina (10); Orlando
Jan. 2 Taxslayer.com Gator Bowl: Ohio State (7) vs. Florida (8); Jacksonville
Jan. 2 Rose Bowl: Wisconsin (17) vs. Oregon (9); Pasadena
Jan. 2 Tostitos Fiesta Bowl: Oklahoma State (2) vs. Stanford (9); Glendale
Boy, don't we all look dumb. Both teams went 11-1 and are in the BCS. They were right there for the taking in group "B", but no, we all wanted Florida State. (Sigh.)

Jan. 3 Allstate Sugar Bowl: Michigan (3) vs. Virginia Tech (6); New Orleans
Jan. 6 AT&T Cotton Bowl Classic: Kansas State (1) vs. Arkansas (10); Arlington, TX
"Violas Rock" against the world!!!

Jan. 9 Allstate BCS National Championship Game: LSU (4) vs. Alabama (17); New Orleans
LSU was the least popular pick in Group A. Put another way, 48 of 52 players looked at LSU and went with someone else. So "Tressel's Tats," The Bobcat, "Dennis Erickson's Guidance Counselor," and "The Undertaker," I say congrats to you. If LSU wins as expected, you will have picked the undisputed 14-0 champion of the 2011 season.

P6 2011: The Dog's Days Are Over

2011-12-05T21:29:00.000-06:00

If you want to have bad dreams tonight, you can watch the band's official video here. I recommend not.

I almost didn't update the scores and standings this week. There were only a few games, I figured, how much can change? Well, as often happens around here, I was wrong.

My Pac-12 teams had finished their seasons, Florida State and South Carolina managed to not win their crappy halves of the ACC and SEC respectively, leaving only Alabama and Michigan State in the conference championship games. I split those, for a net minus 1 points. End of story, right? Except South Carolina and Southern Carolina each gained 4 points, I guess for having the initials U-S-C and having the wisdom to not lose (or make) their conference tournament game. All that got me plus-7 on the week, pretty good.

Turns out those were among the good teams to have: Wisconsin jumped 6, K-State jumped 5, followed by the USCs at 4. Less fortunate: teams that got skunked in their conference championship games: Houston (-13), Virginia Tech (-12), Georgia (-6), Oklahoma (-6 in a de facto championship game).

Best of the week: It's a four-way tie:

That's a gaudy trophy, Ray Barone's mom Marie, a hottie spy, and a big pile of CDs. Congrats to
"The Cy-Hawk Trophypocalypse", "M-I-L’s Picks", "Sidney" and yours truly MPF004 who all finished the week up 7 points. T.C.H.T gained off Wisconsin's climb, whereas M.I.L. and Sydney used the USCs like I did.

Enough jibber-jabber, who's winning?

In the penultimate standings update of the game, we have a new leader (if the song wasn't enough of a hint):

The dog had Houston, the spy had the USCs. And so "Sidney" re-takes the lead heading into the bowl season, 97 to 92. I'm tied for a distant third with 76 points. And if anyone thinks of crying foul that the game is rigged: I cannot win. Sidney and I have four teams in common, our "F" teams are both out, and his "B" team, Stanford, is too far ahead for my Florida State to catch up. Barring an amazing bowl season by "Tressel's Tats" or maybe "the Bobcat," this is a two-horse race.

Standings, if you don't have it bookmarked by now, where you been all season. The Pick Six will be back before the bowl season starts, so you know who to root for (besides your own teams of course)!

P6 2011: Cruising into Championship Week

2011-11-28T17:20:00.001-06:00

It's the end of the regular season, and coaches are getting fired. As of today that list includes Ron Zook (2 Pick Six players have Illinois) and Dennis Erickson (6 players have Arizona State). Of course that doesn't include Joe Pa at Penn State (3 players) or Tressel at Ohio State (7 players). If your team is on that list, it doesn't bode well for your overall score. (Outside the P6 realm, others canned include Rick Neuheisel at UCLA, Turner Gill at Kansas and former Charlie Weis assistant Rob Ainello at Akron.)

In the games last week: I had another 5-for-6 week. Alabama, South Carolina and Florida thumped in-state rivals (over Auburn 42-14, South Carolina 34-13, and Florida 21-7), USC killed cross-town rival UCLA 50-0, and Michigan State glided to a win over no one's rival Northwestern. If Utah had beaten crappy Colorado, they had a chance to go to the Pac-12 Championship. Alas, they did not, and since they are already out of the poll, that didn't hurt me points-wise. So, a big gainer, right?

The problem is that there wasn't much movement generally this week. Even Arkansas, who got outclassed by LSU 41-17, only dropped three points. So Florida State re-enters the poll at No. 25 (yay) and USC gains a point by going from 10th to a tie for 9th, for a two-point gain. Luckily, the two kids ahead of me both had Arkansas, so I move up by default, into a tie with "The Champagne Room" for fifth.

We've finished 13 weeks, which means the regular season (12 games plus a bye week) is over for almost everyone. (Trivial fact: Central Michigan was the only team this year to play 12 games in 12 week, no bye.) Aside from Army-Navy, the game that makes you proud to be an American and sad because the football season is over, the focus is now the conference championship games.

Best player of the week:

As I said, not a lot of movement. Very few teams moved, but "El Duderino" got bumps from West Virginia, Nebraska, TCU and Oregon. A bunch of small jumps equals 8 points and the best improvement of the week. (TMMPF's former bowling team colleagues and fellow Acheivers will want to watch the longer version of this scene.

Enough jibber jabber, who's winning?

No change at the top. Much like last year, we are all looking up at a four-footed family friend: "HORRIBLE Dog" retains the lead for a second straight week. The top ranked human is "Sidney", the top kitty is Franklin "The F-Bomb", and the top child is "The Bobcat". Standings here.

Remember, the regular season is over, but the game is not. The Pick Six goes until the end of the season, after all the bowls are played. So if you're in the running, don't dismay. There's still time ... and a lot can change after the bowls. Keep watching the blog for bowl updates!

P6 2011: Week 12 And The End Is In Sight

2011-11-21T20:59:00.000-06:00

Games watched: Ball State-Northern Ill (Tues); Ohio-Bowling Green (Weds); North Carolina-Va Tech (Thurs); Okla State-Iowa St (Fri); Iowa-Purdue; Neb-Mich (backup TV); Kentucky-Georgia (snippets); ND-BC; Penn St-Ohio St (backup TV); Utah-Washington St (snippets); Vandy-Tennessee (ending); USC-Oregon (end, mostly); Cal-Stanford (until falling asleep).

Last week, the average scores went up, but the top five players all lost points. This week the average score was basically flat (52 to 51.7), but the top seven players all improved their scores. Weird game.

For most of the day I thought I was going to finish with another clean sweep for my Pick Sixers. In the morning, Alabama and South Carolina had D-IAA creampuffs, and Michigan State crushed Indiana. In the evening games, Utah pulled out a snowy win at Washington State, and USC dominated Oregon for most of the game, then held on for the upset. Unfortunately, Florida State decided to be stupid and let Virginia pull out a win. They are punished with banishment. Still, five wins is five wins, and USC was rewarded accordingly, as we'll see momentarily. I moved from a tie for 13th to 7th. My closest household competition remains Franklin "The F-Bomb" who is tied for 10th.

Elsewhere in the game: Congrats to The "A" Team, whose Pick Sixth (the Virginia Cavaliers) took a while, but finally made the poll at No. 24, albeit at the expense of my "B" team, Florida State. Note: in this week's poll, Nebraska and Notre Dame are tied for 22nd (four points each); there is no Number 23.

This is not a metaphor for the NBA season, which apparently isn't happening this year, and no one at all gives a shit about*.

Biggest gainer: ohhh it sucks to say, but it was USC. They beat Oregon late at night, as the Pac 12 has finally figured out how to slow down that crazyfast Duck offense. Stanford, last seen losing to said Ducks, unnecessarily climbed four spots for edging mediocre Cal, and nobody else moved up more than three spots.

Biggest losers: Not so much in the poll standings, but Oklahoma State shit the bed on national TV. Granted, their heads were not in the game, as they had learned that morning about the plane crash that killed two women's basketball coaches. But Iowa State should not be able to beat Okla. St. under any circumstances, even a Friday night home game. Trying to keep up with Little Brother, the Sooners went out and lost to Baylor for the first time ever. Okla St drops three, but Oklahoma drops seven.

Nebraska also fell after looking downright pathetic against Michigan (-5, not that Minus 5). What the hell, Nebraska! Have you not watched the Big Ten the last two years? There is a blueprint for beating Denard Robinson. And just because you were technically in the XII last year is no excuse, we know you were watching our games back then.

Trivial fact: the 13 points earned by teams not picked by this year's players (Clemson, Baylor, Georgia Tech) is the lowest since the second week of the season (same three, plus South Florida).

Best week: It's also your overall leader, so sit tight. Honorable mention is Sidney (+14 on the week).

Enough jibber jabber, who's winning?

Finley's awful dog! I met this dog once or twice. I remember thinking that any dog that Quigley could sit on, is not much of a dog. It yipped a lot, as tiny dogs do, and generally contributed nothing to society. However, the back half of the pickset for "HORRIBLE Dog" has come on strong in the past few weeks: Georgia has rebounded from an 0-2 start to make the SEC championship game; USC's only loss since September was in triple overtime to Oregon; and Houston is the only other 11-0 team besides LSU.

Those three teams gained 11 points, plus Boise and Stanford's gains (Wisconsin had no change) adds up to 18 points on the week, 99 points on the season and moving into the lead over "Tressel's Tats." Read 'em and weep.

This is the last full week of the football season. Go out there and enjoy it, and enjoy your holiday, wherever it takes you. Hawkeyes and Huskers at 11am Central!

* -- Grammatically, about which no one gives a shit.

P6 2011: Week 11 Was a Little Distracted

2011-11-15T20:18:00.000-06:00

Games watched: South Florida-Syracuse (pieces, Fri); Michigan State-Iowa; Nebraska-Penn St (backup TV); Georgia-Auburn (snippets); Michigan-Illinois; ND-Maryland; Oregon-Stanford; Washington State-Arizona State (until falling asleep).

The AP poll comes out on Sunday afternoons. Usually that means I've got the rest of the afternoon and evening to update the spreadsheet, see who's winning, and write up a report. But this Sunday, the Bears had a 3:15pm game and then we went to see Paul Simon. I had time to update the googledoc (go ahead and check it now if you don't feel like reading and waiting), but not time for the writeup.

So Monday night, I settled in to write about college football ... and then I saw Jerry Sandusky was going to be on 30 Rock or Rock Plaza or Something About A Rock, a new newsmagazine with Brian Williams.

And that was my week, in a nutshell. The Penn State scandal was an obsessive, consuming story ... and I didn't even go to Penn State. I paid attention to almost nothing else. We saw The Scott Miller on Wednesday night, I had a work event Thursday night, we went out for dinner Friday night, and suddenly I had to figure out the picks for my weekly pick 'em game. The results were what you'd expect from zero preparation: 9 out of 21 right.

As for the games: I had about as good a week as you could hope for, P6-wise. All six teams won: Alabama (hangover win vs. Miss. St), Florida State (thumped whichever ACC team they played, I think it was Real Miami), South Carolina (edged Florida), Michigan State (beat Iowa at Kinnick for the first time since the 1980s--sigh) and Utah (gone, but not forgotten). All that was only good for a plus 6: good, but not great, and I feel I'm going to give most or all of it back next week when USC plays Oregon.

In the Top 25 overall: There weren't a lot of big gainers: TCU was the biggest, re-entering the poll at No. 19. Florida State also re-entered the poll (+3). But losers.... oh yes, there were losers. Penn State (-9), Stanford (-5), Boise (-5), Texas (-5 and out of the poll) paid for their losses. Only Stanford lost via blowout, but the points come off all the same.

Best week:

Welcome back to the Pick Six writeups, Mr. Q! It's been a long time since I wrote about Mr. Q in the context of P6. But here in early November, he gets a mention for the best week of all 52 players. Oregon, Nebraska, TCU and Notre Dame all had good wins, and Q benefits via a 13-point gain. (He is currently sitting next to me on the couch, wagging in his tail contently in a state of semi-sleep.)

Enough jibber jabber, who's winning?

We have a tie:

"Tressell's Tats", who made a personal appearance at TMMPF headquarters this weekend, and

"HORRIBLE Dog", an incontinent canine in the north suburbs. Will Penn State's downfall hurt Tressel's Tats? Will Houston's first loss send them plummeting in the polls, and HORRIBLE Dog plummeting in the standings? Who is waiting in the wings if they fall? Stay tuned!

P6 2011: Week 10 Ends on a Low Note

2011-11-08T22:26:00.000-06:00

Games watched: Northern Illinois-Toledo (Tues); Temple-Ohio (Weds); USC-Colorado (snippets, Fri); Michigan-Iowa; Minnesota-Michigan State (backup TV); Kansas-Iowa State (snippets); South Carolina-Arkansas (snippets); LSU-Bama; ND-Wake (backup TV); Oregon-Washington (until fell asleep).

Early shift: I finally got to watch a meaningful Iowa game. Between travel and watching games in person, all I'd really seen were blowouts.

So it was nice to see an Iowa victory. The game itself was pretty much what we've seen the last two years: Iowa outplays its opponents for three quarters, then lets the opponent make a game of it late. The exception is that this year, the Hawkeyes toughened up on "D" late, with a goal-line stand and preserving the win. This is the first three-game winning streak over Michigan in Iowa history. Thank you, Rich Rod and Dave Brandon, for your role in our run of success.

Three in a row, Skunkbear. Now get outta my face.
(photo by Des Moines Register)

Late shift: For as long as I can remember (that'd be 2003), Notre Dame has never been bumped off the main TV. Even if there's a timeslot overlap, which is rare, the nature of Notre Dame's scheduling means that the Irish game is usually more interesting.

But Saturday night, we were watching the Game of the ~~Century~~ Week, LSU vs. Alabama, No. 1 vs No. 2. And I gotta say, it lived up to the hype. Every single play mattered, and the athleticism of both teams on both sides of the ball was evident. In the end, it came down to something the blog Roll Bama Roll had predicted:

'Bama remains the narrow favorite in Vegas, though it is hard to say if that is essentially random white noise or if notes a legitimate disparity between the teams. Home field advantage is baked into the point spread, and the actual impact of that advantage is up for debate, especially in a series where road teams have routinely experienced so much success. And in fact, a traditional match-up analysis would have LSU as the favorite, given the near equal offense versus defense match-ups coupled with the Bayou Bengals' decided edge in the kicking game.

Even though it was fun to watch, Bama's loss meant a drop in the polls and the end of national title hopes for the Tide.

Of course, by now it's Tuesday night, and the college football world has spent the last couple days alternately mesmerized and sickened by the Penn State story. The details and facts change by the minute, so anything I write will be obsolete by the time you read it. Suffice to say, in the wake of something this horrible, many more people will lose their jobs, likely including the greatest coach we've ever known.

Last night I didn't get to the Pick Six update because we were watching the Bears in Monday Night Football. Pro football has nothing to do with anything except this picture is CUTE AS SHIT.

The Pick Six: Well, USC blew out Colorado and Florida State blew out Boston College. But South Carolina lost to Arkansas (and probably lost their QB in the process) and of course Bama lost to LSU. (Sparty beat Minnesota unimpressively; Utah won but likely won't sniff the Top 25 the rest of the year.) I fell a couple spots and Franklin moved up a couple spots to solidify his household lead.

Best week:

I have no idea what "HORRIBLE Dog" did to deserve the moniker of "HORRIBLE." Being a cat person who is scared of most dogs, I'm just going to assume it was something pee-related, so this picture is appropriate. But whether Finley likes it or not, HORRIBLE Dog has Georgia and Houston, both of which have made great runs of late. With a +14, Mitzu had the best performance and moves up to second place.

Enough jibber jabber, who's winning?

"Tressel's Tats" is just 16 points off the perfect score, which is remarkable this late in the season. His top four teams all won (Mizzou was out of the poll already, Penn St. bye'd) and so he kept his lead in the standings for a second straight week.

P6 2011: Week 9 Enjoyed Some Chowda

2011-10-31T14:22:00.000-05:00

Greetings Pick Sixers. We were in Boston all weekend, singing our lungs out, consuming much chowda and dodging (unsuccessfully) the pelting snow of a nor'eastah. We only caught a few games (ND-Navy, some Michigan State-Nebraska, the end of USC-Stanford) so not a lot of commentary this week.

I can tell you that Michigan State's loss hurt, and even though South Carolina ticked up with a road win, I still dropped three points and down into a tie for 18th. I also lost my grip on the household lead, as Franklin "The F-Bomb" gained four points and climbed ahead of me. Oklahoma State has to lose soon, right?

In the poll: Movers of significance were Penn State (+5), followed by Georgia (+4), Houston (+4), Michigan (+4), Nebraska (+4), Oklahoma (+4). The biggest hits were Texas A&M (edged at home by unranked Missouri, kicked out of poll), Wisconsin (upset by Ohio State, on a second straight deep ball, -7), Kansas State (killed by Oklahoma, -7) and Sparty (killed by Nebraska, -6).

And trivially, check out this from AP beat writer Ralph Russo: "Cool note AP poll note: Texas Tech is 2nd team since '89 (when it became Top 25), to go from no votes to ranked to no votes in three weeks." This also means the state of Iowa was responsible for two of the week's most baffling games, since ISU manhandled that Texas Tech team that beat then-No. 1 Oklahoma, and Iowa decided Floyd was too heavy to take back to Iowa City and said 'why bother.' (Also, please ignore that is a link to the Twitter. I'm not proud.)

Most Improved of the Week:

This is Morrissey from the Smiths. He is certainly sad, and British, but not "sadandbritish" who takes this week's top honors. She got a boost from Oklahoma being re-admitted to the Top Ten, plus Georgia and Penn State climbing, for a boost of 13 points. This marks the first time all year a cat-human duo from the same household have taken best of week awards. Congrats to sadandbritish; any gloating would likely occur here.

Enough jibber jabber, who's winning?

This is as close as I could come to illustrating "Tressel's Tats," a reference to the scandal that took down Mr. Cheatypants McSweatervest himself. "Tressel's Tats" climbed nine points and bumped Sidney to second place. Standings here.

"Bahstin" talk and picks hopefully later in the week, plus a preview of exciting week 10 games!

P6 2011: Week 8 Needs Some Cheering Up

2011-10-24T09:57:00.000-05:00

Look, I had a good week in the Pick Six, there's no denying that. I had four wins and a bye (Utah lost again, falling to 0-3 in conference. I have written them off; they will be a cap on any future gains I make.) Alabama won big, Florida State won big, Michigan State won an exciting and close prime-time game.

But my "E" team, which was supposed to get crushed by the resurgent Irish, throroughly dominated that game, cruising to a 31-17 win that wasn't even that close.

So yeah, I gained some points. I went from tied for 41st to tied for 13th, one of the largest one-week jumps of the year. I'm now leading my household ("The F Bomb" is just four points and four slots behind me). But it's Monday morning and I'm still kinda grumpy.

In the poll: The biggest winner was Sparty, who gave Wisconsin a tough fight in Bucky's first true road game. It came down to the final play:

Because of that, Michigan State (+7) climbs into the Top Ten at No. 9.On the other side: losing to Syracuse is frowned upon by AP voters, even if Cuse is at home, even if it's a Friday night. So West Virginia takes it on the chin with a big ol' -14. Others getting skunked were Wisconsin -8, who were on the wrong end of MSU's long bomb; Oklahoma -8, losers at home to then-unranked Texas Tech; and Auburn -7, who couldn't hang with LSU.

Most Improved of the Week:

Somewhere between Dayton and Springfield (if I remember correctly, which if I didn't someone will correct me) is the town of Sidney or Sydney Ohio. With a gain of +15, "Sidney" had the best week, on the backs of Stanford, Sparty and Southern Cal. Second place (+12 on the week) was a tie between "Tressel's Tats" (broad-based gains of Stanford, Arkansas, Georgia, Penn State) and MPF004 (Sparty, Southern Cal).

Enough jibber jabber, who's winning?

This is Syndey (or Sidney) Barstow (or Bristow or Bristol) from the ABC TV show "Alias." Which I have now misspelled as "Alais" at least twice now. Notre Dame loses and I can't type or spell. Between the map and the spy chick I'm sure I got it right at least once, because "Sidney" moves into the lead with 81 points. The standings are here.

Like you, we're just biding our time until the Bama-LSU showdown next week. Let's hope a win against Navy helps to heal these wounds.

P6 2011: Week 7 Goes Losering

2011-10-17T17:53:00.000-05:00

Let some Whiskeytown float over ya:

Last night we got back from a weekend (dare I say MAC-tastic) trip to Athens, Ohio, to see Ohio University football. We've now seen them four times: at Northwestern, at Tennessee, at the Motor City Bowl vs. Marshall, and now finally a home game. And they lost all four. Hell, we even went to a volleyball Friday night. They were 6-0 in conference before we showed up ... and the volleyball team lost.

So that's it. No more going to Ohio games. If you can't beat Ball State on Homecoming, it must not be the football team ... it must be me.

Despite this week's losering theme, all six of my Pick Sixers got wins. Alabama and Florida State crushed inferior opponents; Southern Cal got the rare road win on Thursday night; South Carolina eked out a win; Utah did the same on the road vs. Pitt, and Sparty ... well, let's let the third-most dickish coach in the Big Ten describe it:

And although I gained nine points, unfortunately all that winning didn't get me out of the 40's in the standings.

In the polls: Another slow week at the top of the standings: the top 10 remain unchanged. After that, there was a little bit of action with #11 Michigan and #12 Georgia Tech lost.

A personal apology to "Violas Rock." Somehow I didn't get Kansas State added to the scoring. They started at #20, then climbed to #17 and now to #12. I don't know how this happened, only to say that there is a human element to Pick Six scoring. Maybe someday I'll charge you all $10 to play and I'll hire a neighbor whiz kid to computerize the scoring system. What's worse, Violas Rock was one of the few teams I was beating the standings.

With the correct count of K-State, and the re-addition of Georgia and Washington, there are now only two teams in the poll that were unpicked by anyone in the game: Clemson and Georgia Tech.

Sparty got a fourth straight win over "Big Brother" and gained eight points for the biggest climb this week. The other big gainers were K-State (No. 17 to 12) and unkillable Auburn (No. 24 to 19).

The losers were Arizona State (lost to Oregon by two touchdowns), Illinois (lost to previously awful Ohio State), and Michigan (finally faced a competent defense for 60 minutes).

Most Improved Of The Week:

"Violas Rock!" No, it's not because I forgot about K-State (a legit +5). Violas Rock has Texas A&M (+4) and Michigan State (+8). That is a non-wind-aided plus 17 points for the week. Congrats Carolyn (and Mike)!

Enough jibber jabber, who's winning?

Why this boring ass picture? Because this is the video conference room available from Remote Counsel in Champaign, Illinois. Hence, "The Champagne Room." He gained four points to strengthen his lead over Week 5 leader "ALeMay." Somebody else please win next week, or I'm just going to give up and post another Chris Rock video.

Franklin's Picks Explained

2011-10-11T21:38:00.000-05:00

One of the great things about the Pick Six game is that it's so easy, your child or cat or dog can play. When we adopted Franklin back in June, we let him know about the Pick Six game, and slowly got him started with understanding college football. Since TM works with Quigley to make his picks, I talked to Franklin to get his picks.

Franklin and MPF004, making the picks, captured on the laptop webcam, August 28, 2011.

In Group A, Boise is the new kid on the block, the "nouveau riche" who stormed into the established scene, upsetting the traditional powerhouses with their trick plays and rambunctious energy. That is the Franklin of college football if we've ever seen it.

Group B was easy too. Oklahoma State is the little brother to older brother Oklahoma. They have always tried to get into the spotlight that has firmly been on Norman. This year, they have a ton of returning talent, and finally have that chance to show up their rival. That is Franklin's situation for sure.

Oklahoma (right); Oklahoma State (left).

For the C grouping, I asked Franklin twice which team he wanted, since there wasn't an obvious choice. He just stood up, circled, and went back to sleep. I took that as a sign to pick the sleepiest campus town, and from what I know of Blacksburg, that was a pick for Virginia Tech. Moments later he got up, and as I read off the team names yet again, when I got to Virginia Tech, he crawled into my lap and wedged between my stomach and the laptop as seen in the webcam picture above.

Isn't that the Blacksburg of kitties right there?

The group D pick was easy: this is a Notre Dame kitty. After all, he started his life here at our house by reading the ND preview magazine.

Once training camp started, we watched Brian Kelly press conference videos together.

And he jumps on the TV cabinet when the Irish are on. (No photo of that, just picture us yelling "Get Down!!")

On to Group E. Again, I wasn't sure if there was a quintessential Franklin team like other groupings. So again I read off the team names. When I said "Auburn Tigers," he nudged my hand. I thought he would take the Missouri Tigers since they are striped and Midwestern (like him), but he picked Auburn. I will say Franklin doesn't know anything about Cam Newton or Gene Chizik or the SEC. But hey, it's his pick.

For the sixth, I was thinking he would like Illinois. [Note: this was written before the season started. --ed.] Now before you call animal abuse on me, I will say that I seriously considered Illinois for myself. With OSU being down and Penn State not scary, that half of the Big Ten is wide open. But also, Franklin is an Illinois native. And when I asked him, I was scratching his belly and said, "What about Illinois?" He immediately turned and looked up at me and kept purring. It's a high risk pick, we admit. But, Franklin can be kinda crazy. And Illinois:

and ...

Now that's the Franklin of coaches right there!

Now that we are six weeks in, his picks have paid off pretty well, as he climbed from 39th after week 1 all the way to 10th last week, and is currently in 12th place. Good luck Franklin!

I'm done reading. Let's watch some football!

P6 2011: Week 6 Advises Don't Give Up

2011-10-09T22:01:00.000-05:00

We are through six weeks of the Pick Six game. Most teams haven't had a bye and are halfway through their schedule. And although the season really runs 14 weeks with byes and conference championship games, the end of week 6 is the halfway point in most fan's minds.

And if you're feeling down about your picks, this week's song is for you:

Imagine yourself as Peter Gabriel (or Kate Bush) and the Pick Six game in the role of Kate Bush (or Peter Gabriel). Throughout six weeks we've had five different overall leaders and six different best performer of the week. A lot can happen in the regular season. Don't give up on your Pick Six teams!

Of course, maybe I'm just making that argument to myself. I'm trying to improve upon my 49th place performance, but Florida State's loss won't help me. Utah now is 0-3 in their new conference, and voters don't appear to have any interest in USC. South Carolina found a little magic by switching from Garcia to Shaw, and Sparty jumped backed into the top 25 with a dominating bye to stay at 4-1 (one of only five teams with only four wins in the Top 25). So with that, I gained three points and moved up to 46th place. So there's hope.

Elsewhere in the poll: Florida State also dropped out, meaning all three Florida schools (including Miami) are not ranked. Even South Florida is gone after getting whupped by Pitt, so there are zero schools from the Sunshine State.

The Top 10 didn't change, as everyone won or bye'd. Arkansas, for example, had a great win over No. 15 Auburn, but couldn't move up because nobody above them lost. The only other newcomer besides Michigan State was Houston (congrats to "HORRIBLE Dog" for the debut of her Pick Sixth).

Most Improved Of The Week:

This is "Clueless." ( Okay, that's Alicia Silverstone from the movie of the same name.) She says she doesn't know much about college football, but she has Texas A&M, South Carolina and West Virginia, all of whom gained three points this week. That's a nine-point jump, good enough to tie for best performance of the week. She's went from 47th to tied for 34th. And who is she tied with? ....

Enough jibber jabber, who's winning?

The new leader allows me to say something I've been waiting to say since Week 1. And that is:

Ladies and gentleman of the Pick Six Game 2011: No matter what the game organizer tells you, there is No Sex In "The Champagne Room."

I don't know if he's a Chris Rock fan, or a frequent attendee of strip clubs, or maybe it's just a reference to the town of his alma mater. But by gaining 14 then nine points over the past two weeks, "The Champagne Room" takes over from "ALeMay" with a six-point lead. He's also one of two players, along with "Huskers Du," with all six teams ranked. Congratulations Mike (and Carolyn)! Check out the standings here.

Next week we're heading off to another game, this time our first-ever Ohio home game (after seeing road games in three different states). The Pick Six might be a little late next week, but hopefully we'll make up for it with some great photos and a Bobcat victory!

Ladies and Gentleman...

2011-10-04T14:07:00.002-05:00

As if I wasn't excited enough about visiting Athens next weekend, check out the halftime dance from Saturday:

The best 110 dance ever? Discuss...

P6 2011: Week 5 Flexed Its Muscles

2011-10-03T21:03:00.000-05:00

This is a metaphor for the changing balance of power in the Big Ten. It is also a cool picture.

Games watched: South Florida-Pitt; Northwestern-Illinois; Texas A&M-Arkansas; Northern Illinois-C. Michigan (listened on radio); Auburn-South Carolina (snippets); ND-Purdue; Nebraska-Wisky (backup TV); Alabama-Florida (flipped at commercials); Ole Miss-Fresno State; Arizona State-Oregon State (until I fell asleep).

It was a light week, with Iowa being off and ND playing at night. I took advantage to do some non-in-front-of-TV activities on a Saturday, hence the light viewing list. I was really looking forward to those three night games, and was surprised that all three were blowouts. (I really thought Nebraska and Florida would keep things closer than they did.)

Despite Alabama's dominant win, my Pick Six suffered. South Carolina lost to Auburn, Utah lost its second conference game, Florida State had a bye, USC won unimpressingly and gave up 41 points, Michigan State could only put 10 points on a hapless Ohio State.

Damn. If you're looking for your P6 administator, that's me down at 49th. My comeback begins NOW.

In the poll: Auburn is horribly inflated at No. 15 (+11 from last week). Was barely beating a South Carolina team that basically beat itself worth that big of a bump? At least Arkansas' jump (+8) for beating A&M was somewhat deserved, as it was an exciting, back-and-forth game in A&M's home state. I also think Florida's failure to do anything over the final 59 minutes made voters more sympathetic to Arkansas' loss to the Tide.

South Carolina was punished for that lame performance against Auburn. The Gamecocks haven't exactly blown away any opponent, and I sense voters said, A-ha! You finally lost. Now I'm going to ding ya. Other big losers were Nebraska, TCU, A&M and Virginia Tech.

Michigan (+7) and Texas (+6) scored big jumps, for beating horrible teams Minnesota and Iowa State. But is Texas really the 11th best team in the country? The school that went 5-7 last year and has already cycled through three quarterbacks? Is Michigan really 12th for beating four cupcakes and being present for Notre Dame's self-destruction? We'll find out when they leave the Big ~~Library~~ House for road games at Northwestern then at Sparty. Texas has the Red River Shootout with undefeated, formerly No.1 Oklahoma, then a home date with Top Ten Oklahoma State.

Most Improved of the Week:

This is "Singing Fat Ladies" and "How Pathetic!" I realized yesterday while updating the scores that I met these guys in 1993. That's almost 20 years ago. That's a lot of bitter sarcasm and 255-1500 jokes. "Singing Fat Ladies" is this year's moniker for the owner of "HORRIBLE Dog" (who is ahead of him, by the way) and "How Pathetic!" professes to know as much about college football as I know about the NBA (hint: it fits here).

They weren't doing so hot last week, but they share Auburn, Alabama and Auburn (using an early alphabet SEC strategy?) and so gained 20 points to be the co-leaders for Most Improved. Of course, having both Alabama and Auburn shows their lack of understanding for the greatest rivalry in college sports, but hey, whatever works.

Enough jibber jabber, who's winning?

This is NOT your new leader, "ALeMay." I asked him if he wanted a picture of himself since he took the lead. He said something generally Michigan themed "or something with Denard Robinson" would be fine. I don't have a lot of pictures of Michigan stuff, as you can imagine, but this is one. So there you go.

And a QB at Michigan Stadium? I ain't running a Denard picture, but for some godforsaken reason, I still have this picture:

Anyway, Aaron won and lost in the Wisky-Neb game, and gained from Auburn and Michigan's climb, and so he has the lead after five weeks. Standings and points as always, right here.

Next week: The Air Force Academy comes to South Bend. This is one of the few times in the year it's okay to root against the U.S. military. It's allright, it's Notre Dame football. We'll be there, seeing if Bob Diaco has figured out how to stop the triple option. Now that the conference season is in full swing, things are going to start getting interesting. Enjoy the games!

P6 2011: Week 4 Shivered My Timbers

2011-09-26T21:37:00.096-05:00

Welcome back Pick Sixers. After a Week 2 where Notre Dame and Iowa lost in last-minute, heart-wrenching fashion, I was all:

I don't even watch this show. I watch so little TV programming that I just noticed, after nearly four years on the blog, that we don't have a "TV" tag.

But then on Sunday the sun rose. And in Week 3, I saw ND dismantle the formerly unbeaten Spartans, and Iowa had a comeback for the ages that may have salvaged the season. So then I was all:

Note, the reason why I don't post personally identifiable pictures or last names on the blog are: 1. I don't want employers or future employers to see me writing "fuck" at will. 2. I am weirdly colored red and covered in fur.

Coming down off that high, and all the realignment buzz, shortened the feel of the week. And indeed it was a short week: we left town Friday morning for northwest Ohio. We intended to scout the Fostoria-Otsego game for any Division I prospects, but that didn't work out. Instead we watched a lot of football (on TV) and then attended a pirate birthday party on Sunday. (Note, it was a 3-year-old's party. Not mine, although that would be cool.)

Games watched: Meechigan-SD State (snippets), ND-Pitt, Toledo-Syracuse, Iowa-LA Monroe*, Ohio-Rrrrutgers** (computer), Florida State-Clemson, Ohio State-Colorado (geographic requirement), Alabama-Arkansas (computer), Florida-Kentucky (about two minutes...that was enough), South Carolina-Vandy, LSU-West Virginia.

Games ignored: NC State-Cincinnati on Thursday. Man I love college football, but I saw about 5 seconds of this and decided I had a million better things to do with my life.

Overall it was a good week 4: ND stole a victory from the jaws of defeat and Iowa decided to treat a cupcake like a cupcake. My Pick Six results were worse: Florida State's QB is broken, and guess what? The backup redshirt freshman is not as good as the highly touted recruit who is now a junior. That's two losses to ranked teams for FSU, but the team gets punished nonetheless. USC lost to Arizona State. They essentially switched places in the poll. We're four weeks in, and three of my P6 teams are gone. For all of you who thought you didn't stand a chance in this game because you didn't know anything about college football: I read about this stuff year round and I'm tied for 47th place. So there.

About that poll: Bama and LSU spent the early weeks flipping between #2 and #3. Oklahoma's troubles with a not good Mizzou (sorry Tippy and Eileen) was enough evidence to bounce them down to #2. And if you've watched LSU this year, can you blame the voters? Three wins over ranked teams, all away from home. They can outrun Oregon (40-27) or they can smother Mississippi State like a python (19-6). That Bama-LSU game is going to be a monster, a 7-3 type bout with 15 punts.

Who won the week?

We have a first-ever three way tie for best performance of the week. Because it's a cool team name, the best visual, and, ok, because she's the highest ranked of the three, we salute "The A Team" for the best week. The A Team got a boost from Nebraska, South Carolina and Florida, none of which had a great win, but a modest six-point bump was enough in a quiet week. Congrats to co-winners "Flying Cougars" and "The Undertaker" who also jumped six. Flying Cougars used the Neb-Fla combo, and The Undertaker got a bump from Neb and Va. Tech.

Enough jibber-jabber, who's winning?

~~Eat, sleep, poop~~ (wrong, wrong, wrong --ed.)... lead the Pick Six game?

"Single D" retains his lead, sitting comfortably in his ~~diaper and Husky onesie~~ (ed: I am a moron. Single D is the dad, not the infant son. My apologies.) with 77 points. Same as last week, but hey, if nobody jumps ya...Standings are here. We'll brace for the big Nebraska-Wisconsin game by staring at gigantic swatches of red all week. How about you?

* -- still uncertain whether that "LA" means Louisiana or Los Angeles.
** -- that is not a pirate reference. That is a Scott Clark of WABC reference.

P6 2011: Interruptus

2011-09-26T09:22:00.001-05:00

Hello Pick Sixers. It's been a long weekend in Ohio, filled with football and pirates, and a late arrival back home to our furry, attention-starved friends. I'll have an update posted for you later tonight.

The short version: good if you have Clemson or Florida, not so good for Texas A&M, West Virginia and especially (sigh) Florida State. See you soon.

P6 2011: The Ballad of Group D

2011-09-18T14:50:00.000-05:00

Oh come around my friends, and listen close to me

As I sing this song to you, a tale to tell to thee

About these five ball teams, as sad as they can be

It's the autumn of their discontent, the Ballad of Group D.*

I've been playing the Pick Six game since 2005, the first year that Blue Gray Sky organized the game. (That's me way down at 32 points. Louisville, Purdue, Virginia? Did I think it was a basketball league?) I'm pretty sure I entered each year through 2009**, when BGS hung it up and I started my own version in 2010.

And in that time, I've seen some unexpected climbs (TCU and Boise, to name two) and stunning crashes. But I can't recall an entire grouping falling so far so fast as this preseason's 16 through 20: Notre Dame, Michigan State, Ohio State, Georgia and Mississippi State.

Actually, maybe this is a better soundtrack: Group D is coming onto something so fast, so numb that they can't even feel.

The pain started early. ND and Georgia faced tough opponents: a motivated, Skip Holtz-coached South Florida and Top 5 Boise State. Although both had home field advantage ('Dogs were in the Georgia Dome), both fell flat. Week 2 did no more favors, with close, high-scoring losses to rivals (Michigan and South Carolina). Both got feel-good beatdowns yesterday to move to 1-2, but both remain unranked.

Mississippi State looked the part of a Top 25 team by crushing hapless Memphis in its first game. But then they lost on the road to Auburn (who themselves had just fallen out of the poll), and on Thursday looked helpless against the crushing LSU defense. They stand at 1-2 and are unranked.

Meanwhile, the Big Ten duo racked up four wins. Ohio State looked shaky against a motivated in-state MAC Attack, but we'd all seen that before. MSU crushed their cupcakes. But that facade crumbled Saturday. A fired-up Notre Dame did to MSU what they'd done to their previous opponents, but this time finished the job. Miami made Al Golden's home debut one to remember with a convincing win over a ranked foe (and a measure of revenge for OSU's 36-24 win last year.)

As of this afternoon's poll, these five, who started with a cumulative 40 points, are all out. You can find them slumming in the "also receiving votes" ghetto. For context, the bottom five who started with 15 points now have 24 points thanks to climbs by Florida and West Virginia (plus Southern Cal).

What does the future hold? Of these five, Sparty and the Irish have the best chances to rebound, and I'm not saying that because I watched them live yesterday. Ohio State has deep flaws that were just waiting to be exposed. As I wrote in my preview:

Ohio State is a litmus test on how important you think Tressel and Pryor are/were. My sense is they will lose at least 2, probably 3, games they would have won with one or the other. So a 10-2/Top 10 season becomes 7-5/unranked.

I think yesterday showed that those two guys were that important. (The OSU radio team that we heard seemed to think as much.) Toledo laid out the blueprint but didn't have the horses to hang with OSU. I didn't see the game, but Miami clearly took that plan and ran it to perfection. You know that Big Ten teams will be able to do what Miami could and Toledo couldn't.

Ok, what about the rest of the Pick Six game?

Ooof. Our collective scores took a bath. In addition to the three "D"s I mentioned above, Arizona State and Auburn also fell out. Those five represent 42 selected teams in the game. Add in Florida State (14 players have the Seminoles) and a lot of people dropped. The game's average score fell 3.5 points from 62.4 to 58.9.

But there were a couple bright spots:

Oh jeez this is awful. But what can you do... I don't pick these team names.

Moving up from 31st to FIFTH (yes I believe that is a record 26 slots in one week) is "C'mon Irene," the hurricane-themed entry that benefitted from West Virginia and Texas moving up, in addition to minor bumps from the A-B-C groupings. Plus 11 points in one week, nice job Jordan!

Enough jibber-jabber, who's winning?

This is a "Single D" battery. I sure hope the manager for the Single D and Double D teams send me a picture of themselves, because there are too many tempting possibilities online to illustrate those concepts. But one of the game's youngest players steps (crawls? gurgles?) into the lead with what has become near-perfect picks of Oklahoma, Stanford, Wisconsin and Florida.

Standings as always are here ... read 'em and weep.

* If you didn't know (and it's okay if you didn't, as we aim to educate you about folk music in addition to college football), that is Woody Guthrie, who is happy as hell (in heaven) his Okies beat Florida State last night. Learn about him at the official web site.

** For what it's worth, by 2009 I figured out what I was doing and finished with 76 points.

The Pig With The Froggy Tattoo

2011-09-15T19:12:00.002-05:00

P6 2011: Your Week 3 Game Watch Guide

2011-09-15T16:55:00.000-05:00

I'm just going to pretend that Saturday didn't happen and instead look ahead to this weekend's games. You're playing the Pick Six, your teams are winning games ... what do you want to keep an eye on this Saturday?

Here's your guide for what to watch this weekend (other than your chosen six teams of course):

Tonight: No. 3 LSU at No. 25 Mississippi State: a great SEC matchup. LSU stormed over Oregon, then had a cupcake last week. MSU was punished in the polls for losing to Cam Newton-less Auburn. The Bulldogs are traditionally a weaker program, but they have had a resurgence under Dan Mullen, and the home team has a great track record in these Thursday night games. (But LSU will win, handily.)

Friday: No. 4 Boise State at Toledo: the new kids on the national scene invade Northwest Ohio. Toledo put up a pretty good fight at Ohio State last week ... but yeah, don't kid yourself. This is merely a chance to watch a great team on non-blinding turf. (And no I'm not linking to that hideous field.)

Saturday (early): No. 18 West Virginia at Maryland; No. 21 Auburn at Clemson; Penn State at Temple: whatever, it's early. It'll keep you occupied.

Pittsburgh at Iowa: It feels so hard to muster anything for this game. That dull ache of losing to Iowa State hasn't gone away yet. I won't even be near a TV. So, yeah, someone watch this, and let's talk later about how it went. The ennui is too strong now.

Colorado State vs. Colorado: Nobody has either team except "Rx R Us," so it'll be an intrastate rivalry you can watch without feeling kicked in the stomach.

Afternoon: No. 7 Wisconsin vs. Northern Illinois: College ball in Soldier Field. That's about it.

Washington at No. 11 Nebraska: This is the third matchup in 12 months for these two teams. The Blackshirts will seek revenge for their crappy showing in the Holiday Bowl last December.

Tennessee at No. 16 Florida; No. 23 Texas at UCLA: anybody remember when these were good games?

Navy at No. 10 South Carolina: Will the Gamecocks be exhausted after a firefight with Georgia last week? Will they be prepared for the triple option?

No. 22 Arizona State at Illinois: can Sparky win away from home? What new creative way will the Zooker find to blow a close game?

Louisville at Kentucky: a good basketball game. But it's not basketball season, unfortunately.

Marshall at Ohio: Bobcats go for 3-0. One of the most popular Pick Sixths, so I know this will be followed.

Primetime and later: No. 17 Ohio State at Real Miami: Dubbed the "Ineligi-Bowl", this matches two teams that spent the summer in the headlines for all the wrong reasons. For those of you who picked OSU, this will be their first real test (sorry, I don't count the Rockets).

No. 1 Oklahoma at No. 5 Florida State: the game of the century, this week. When I wrote earlier about feeling conflicted, I was really looking ahead to this game. Three players in the top 5 --"Takin' that Pick 6 to the House!", "QBKatt" and "Cleverer than the Cats"-- all have both teams. So all three will gain or drop the same amount. But several other players have one or the other, so expect a big shakeup in the standings next week.

Syracuse at USC: My team "E" begins their climb back into the top 25. I hope (I guess).

Utah at Brigham Young: BYU continues its brutal September (welcome to independence). My Pick Sixth resumes its march towards the top 25 (I hope).

No. 8 Oklahoma State at Tulsa: on the road, but only kind of. Minimal risk of upset, but Tulsa has a great offense. Should be a lot of points scored.

Hawaii at UNLV; No. 6 Stanford at Arizona: It is late. There is football on TV. I will watch until I fall asleep.

Finally, the Game of the Week for the TMMPF.com team:
No. 15 Michigan State at Notre Dame. The narrative about ND all week has been the stark contrast between the team that marches down the field on opposing defenses and the team that has run out of feet to shoot itself in, and has moved on to calves, knees and higher. Sparty has a strong offensive line and is generally untested in all phases after two cupcakes.

What you think will happen in this game boils down to which Notre Dame you believe in, whether Jeckyll or Hyde makes an appearance in the fourth quarter. Me, I think the coach works out the kinks, gets the team's head screwed on straight, and eliminates the mental errors. ND-Sparty has gone down to the wire (one-possession game) seven of the last nine years. We were there for the 2009 game, and it was a doozy. I don't expect any different this time around, but I also wouldn't be surprised if State laid an egg like their Iowa or Alabama games from 2010.

P6 2011: Feeling Conflicted

2011-09-11T14:30:00.001-05:00

Games watched: Louisville vs. Florida Whichever (snippets); Arizona St. vs Missouri; Iowa vs Iowa State (main TV at bar); Ohio St vs Toledo (small TV at bar); Alabama vs Penn State; TCU vs Air Force (snippets); South Carolina vs. Georgia; Kansas vs. Northern Illinois (very end); USC vs. Utah; Michigan vs. Notre Dame.

Week 2 is in the books. This week introduced a couple players to the sometimes unavoidable pain of the Pick Six game: who to root for when two teams play each other?

"Clueless" faced this when South Carolina and Georgia matched up. Frankly I think South Carolina's close win was the best possible outcome for her: Georgia was already out of the Top 25, and a win wouldn't necessarily have boosted them into the poll. Meanwhile a 'Cocks win keeps their confidence and poll standing high. USC (east) stays on pace for the SEC East title many predicted.

I had a similar problem: Utah played USC (the real, western USC) in their first-ever Pac 12 conference game. I saw this game coming but figured USC needed the win more, whereas Utah could recover and start climbing the polls mid-October. Like Clueless, I think this was about as good as I could hope for: Southern Cal got another win, Utah got a close, understandable road loss.

Elsewhere: Texas, Virginia Tech and Ohio State had "too close for comfort" wins. Only Texas didn't fall, and I think that's because the opponent (BYU) was more respectable than East Carolina and Toledo.

It was a bad day to be: ... me, frankly, or a fan or "M" schools. Both Mizzou and Mississippi State lost and were punished by pollsters. The Bulldogs fell from 16 to 25, and Missouri from 21 to unranked.

Your Week 2 winner*:

Dapper. Stylin'. And your week 2 top performer.

Tippy had a rough start in Week 1, with Oregon and TCU losing. But Auburn jumped back into the poll, TCU redeemed themselves by thumping Air Force, and Tippy jumped up 10 points for the week's best showing. Honorable mention to "No (Bleeping) Clue" who went from ninth to second place.

Enough jibber jabber, who's winning?

This calm, composed gentleman is Bo Pelini, head coach of Nebraska. His boys struggled with Fresno State, only leading 21-20 in the fourth quarter before pulling away, 42-29. In our game, "Bo's Boys" had four teams rise (the other two held steady) to take over first place from Cleverer Than The Cats. (Standings, as always, right here.)

Next week: ohh, lots of exciting matchups coming. I'll have a preview for you later in the week.

* -- It's not really winning, because you don't get a prize or anything, but it is good to know you had the best week of anyone playing.

Hate Week 2011: ND vs. Michigan

2011-09-09T12:03:00.000-05:00

As I said earlier, it's a great week to hate Michigan. I detest pretty much everything about the football program including their obnoxious head coach (more on him later, probably during Iowa week).

For now, let's take a quick stroll down memory lane: the 1980 Notre Dame-Michigan game. The Wolverines lead 27-26 with just seconds left. Irish kicker Harry Oliver lines up for a 51-yard attempt. Here's legendary announcer Tony Roberts with the call.

And here is Michigan announcer Bob Ufer on the same play. He really nails the math.

Go Irish! Beat Wolverines!

P6 2011: Primera Semana

2011-09-06T21:54:00.002-05:00

Despite taking many years in high school and college, I am nowhere near fluent in Spanish. Oh, I can pick words out of a block of text (a skill I practiced at our old church with bi-lingual missalettes). But I've never been able to follow along with Telemundo, much less understand your average person speaking at normal speed. (If you are impatient and don't see where this might be going, jump to the P6 update.)

Friday afternoon I bounced out of work, early on a holiday weekend (with the boss's permission) ready to enjoy a lot of college football, and I heard a Spanish speaker behind me say "something something primera semana." That means 'first week'. Now they could have been talking about the first week of school, or September. But I naturally assumed they were talking about this first week of college football.

Our soundtrack.

Games watched, at least partially: Murray St. vs Louisville (snippets); UNLV vs. Wisconsin; TCU vs. Baylor; Utah State vs. Auburn (2nd TV); Northwestern vs. BC; Tennessee Tech vs. Iowa; South Florida vs Notre Dame; Western Michigan vs. Michigan (2nd TV); BYU vs Ole Miss (snippets); Oregon vs. LSU; Boise vs. Georgia (2nd TV); Ohio vs. New Mexico State (online); Colorado vs. Hawaii (late game, was kinda sleepy); Marshall vs West Virginia; SMU vs. Texas A&M; Miami vs. Maryland.

Big gainers: Not many in a typically quiet first week, but LSU's win over a top 5 team was rewarded with a bounce of two spots. Wisconsin jumped three for dismantling UNLV in prime time, and Mississippi State and Florida jumped four for the same reason. West Virginia didn't need four quarters to jump five positions.

Big losers: Oregon was punished for falling flat in SEC country (again); TCU for forgetting how to play defense. And if you lost ... see below.

Dropping out: Auburn, USC, Georgia, Notre Dame. The Tigers and Trojans actually won their games, but too close for comfort for the voters apparently. Expect to see USC again shortly, but Auburn will need multiple high-visibility wins to persuade people that they are more than a one-hit wonder.

Hello to: South Florida, fresh off being on the same field as Notre Dame's offensive meltdown; Penn State; Texas (I guess one week wthout the Longhorns was plenty) and Baylor, after that amazing Friday night win over TCU.

The week's big mover:

Bonfire took advantage of a Rust Belt-Appalachia swatch of geography in Virginia Tech, Ohio State and West Virginia to gain 10 points, moving up from 23rd to fourth.

Enough jibber jabber, who's winning?

I don't have a recent picture of (or permission from, yet) Cleverer Than The Cats so I guess this will have to suffice. He rode his early lead and this week's minimal activity to stay on top. Standings as always are here. Note: anyone worried about losing to Quigley for a second straight year should check out where "Mr. Q" stands (or sleeps, technically).

Games to Watch:Now that Penn State is ranked, the "Bear vs. JoePa" bowl is a matchup of ranked teams. Seventeen players have Alabama, second-most in the game, and three have the Nittany Lions. That is the only matchup of ranked teams, although popular pick-sixth Arizona State would likely be ranked if they beat No. 22 Mizzou.

Also, this is a very good week to hate Iowa State and Michigan if you are a fan of Iowa and Notre Dame. Respectfully.

Big News, Told With Movie Posters

2011-09-06T07:25:00.002-05:00

?

That's right! So in less than

(less than

actually),

and we

for

.

Your two biggest questions: the

is late February. Now,

is a

and the kid COULD be born on Feb. 29.

you ask? Well to me: an 80-year-old who can't legally drink alcohol.

And... boy or girl? Well, we are

so we're not finding out and going to

.

Thanks to everyone for all your wishes and prayers!

Season Predictions

2011-09-03T10:34:00.000-05:00

Season predictions are, for the most part, worthless. On the off chance you were right, you can point back to say "lookee how smart I am!" But generally they are meant to be forgotten.

But that doesn't stop those who follow the game closely from trying. Here are my guesses for conference winners and other general predictions. For conferences with two divisions, the overall winner is listed first:

Big East: South Florida
Big Ten: Michigan State, Illinois
SEC: Alabama, South Carolina
Pac 12: Oregon, Southern Cal
ACC: Florida State, don't know who's on the other side
Big Texas: Oklahoma
MAC: Western Michigan, Ohio
CUSA: don't care
WAC: don't care
Mountain West: don't care but Boise probably
Sun Belt: don't care

National championship game: Alabama and Oklahoma

Heisman: Kellen Moore of Boise State

Additional predictions:

* Iowa will finish with more wins than last year's national champion (Auburn).

* Boise State will suffer an Iowa 2010-esque collapse: despite tons of seniors and a favorable schedule, the stars will not align and they will stumble out of BCS contention. (For Boise, this means 9-3 or 10-2, vs. the consensus guesses of 12-0 or 11-1.)

* Despite the talent and schedule for an 11-win season, Notre Dame will finish 9-3 or 8-4. If you divide the schedule into thirds (or fourths), figure one loss for every four (or three) games. For the sake of specificity, the losses will be @Michigan, Air Force, @Stanford and USC as a tossup. The reasoning: Notre Dame can beat every team on their schedule--on paper and in a vacuum. But the college football season is a grind, 12 games over 13 weeks. Notre Dame doesn't have the luxury of a I-AA team or "breather" game. They will have to compete week in and week out to win each game. That will take its toll in terms of exhaustion and injury, leading to a play here or there that tips a win into a loss.

MPF's Picks Explained

2011-09-02T21:44:00.000-05:00

Allright, the talk is over, the games are here. I typed this up last week, and intended to post on Thursday when the deadline for the Pick Six game passed. But I got busy with last-minute entries (more on the P6 soon). But as is my tradition, I will post the rationale for my pickset.

A: Every preseason poll I saw had Oklahoma and Alabama 1-2. Even though it is rare to see the preseason 1 and 2 in those slots at the end of the year, these two teams (on paper) are so far ahead of everyone else. Oregon and LSU should be a phenomenal game on Saturday night, but both have had off-field problems in August. That doesn't bode well for a smooth autumn. Boise is still uber-talented but one loss or especially two and they will plummet in the polls. I went back and forth between OU and Bama. I even typed in Oklahoma but reconsidered after noticing they play at Florida State and at Oklahoma State this year. I didn't like the idea of knocking out my A or B in week 3 (spoiler alert) and finally switched to Bama. That defense (10 returning starters) is awe-inspiring.

I've been using the "Saban at podium" picture for a while now. Now that Saban has his own statue .... oh yeah.

B: Aside from thinking this is the year Florida State wins the ACC, this was a process of eliminating the hype. Stanford will not be the same without Harbaugh; I will be stunned if they are Top 10 when they play ND at the end of the year. A&M's drama is all conference-related, but will any of that bleed over to the field of play? I'd already decided not to pick Oklahoma State when I was considering the Sooners, and while they will probably have a very good year, I don't feel like rooting for them. Nebraska likewise is talented but I do not think they will stroll into a new conference and win--too many new variables (new coaches to scheme against, new players to scout, new hotels for road games).

I don't have a Florida State picture, but I do have this 64-pack crayon box from back when FSU was going through a cheating scandal.

C: TCU is ranked based on their defense (good) and last year's QB Andy Dalton (gone). Arkansas lost their star RB for the year and I don't see them managing that SEC without him. Virginia Tech is out cause I like FSU in the ACC. So it's Wisconsin vs. South Carolina, and I just sense Spurrier will have a breakthrough year with all that offensive talent (QB Garcia, RB Lattimore, WR Jeffery). Plus as a married guy I can write "I LOVE COCKS" on the Internet and that won't come back to bite me in the ass, right?

No South Carolina pictures, but given Stephen Garcia's problems off the field, I just assume this is a picture of him as a youngster.

D: Intriguing grouping: two Big Tens, two SEC, and the Irish. Ohio State is a litmus test on how important you think Tressel and Pryor are/were. My sense is they will lose at least 2, probably 3, games they would have won with one or the other. So a 10-2/Top 10 season becomes 7-5/unranked. Georgia too is tempting: if they start 2-0, they will catapault to the Top 10 and be on track for an amazing season. But those first two games are Boise and at South Carolina. With an 0-2 start, they spiral into a lost season, and Richt is fired by Halloween. I don't know enough about Mississippi State's team, but they do have a lot of firepower on that schedule. I'm not picking ND for reasons I'll explain soon-ish, so that leaves me with Sparty. Michigan State went 10-2 last year. Those two losses were huge, but remember this: Dantonio is kinda dick-ish. I think he'll motivate his senior-laden team for revenge on Iowa, plus keep up the gains made last year on rivals ND and Michigan.

New year, new Sparty picture. In any other league without Bielema and Fitzgerald, Mark Dantonio would easily be the most dickish coach in his conference.

E: What an underwhelming quintile. Yes, I know last year's national champion came from E, but I don't see that magic here. Florida is the savvy pick, given the immense talent that Urban Meyer stockpiled. But I don't trust the combination of a first-time head coach and the alleged QB guru Charlie Weis. Missouri and Auburn lost their QBs to the NFL and I don't expect big things there. West Virginia had coaching turmoil in the offseason and I just don't see them improving. So, yeah, I'm gonna grit my teeth and take Southern Cal, with star QB Matt Barkley, Jimmy Clausen's old high school teammate Marc Tyler, and all their surrounding questions. They can't play in the Pac-12 Championship or a bowl, but if they go 10-2 or 9-3, they will finish higher than where they started.

If I have to mention Southern Cal on my blog, I'm going to run a picture of the Song Girls.

F: Texas is the tempting pick. They can't be that bad again, can they? Well, no, but will they be better than OU, OSU and A&M? How highly ranked will the fourth best XII team be in January? Iowa under Ferentz always does well when expectations are low, but in this case, the low expectations are justified. Breaking in a new QB and all that inexperience on defense will cost us some wins. So, yeah, I'm gonna pick Utah. I know what I said about Nebraska having trouble in a new conference, I know I've got a team from the same conference AND division right above there in E. But the Utes have a nice schedule, missing Oregon and Stanford. They play USC early, giving both teams time to recover and climb in the polls. They've got a strong QB in Wynn who was out for all three of Utah's losses. I generally don't like teams coming off a bowl loss, or P6 teams that play each other, so this is a contrarian pick in many ways.

Can you say much of anything about Utah football? Yeah me neither.

Muppet Domination!!!

2011-08-23T15:55:00.000-05:00

The Second Annual Pick Six Game

2011-08-22T21:04:00.003-05:00

My eyes are watching the Bears preseason game tonight, but my head and heart are 10 days in the future when the college football season kicks off. And two days in the past, because the Associated Press on Saturday released their first poll of the year. And the AP Top 25 means it's time for Pick Six!

For an audio-visual representation of my excitement level, click right here. (Turn it up loud. It opens in a new window so you can keep reading here.)

Last year I organized the Pick Six game, modeled on the original by Notre Dame blog The Blue-Gray Sky. It was such fun we're doing it again, and we want you to play.

The rules: so simple. Here's the preseason Top 25:

A: Oklahoma, Alabama, Oregon, LSU, Boise
B: Florida State, Stanford, Texas A&M, Oklahoma State, Nebraska
C: Wisconsin, South Carolina, Virginia Tech, TCU, Arkansas
D: Notre Dame, Michigan State, Ohio State, Georgia, Mississippi State
E: Missouri, Florida, Auburn, West Virginia, Southern Cal

Pick one team from each grouping. Then pick one unranked team. That's your six. The goal is to have the highest ranked teams at the end of the season. The No. 1 team gets 25 points, No. 2 gets 24, down to No. 25 gets one point. The standings will be posted online so you can follow along. (I will update the standings each week, but only the final poll matters.)

How easy is it? Last year a cat won. That's part of the joy (and frustration) of the game. Not only are your cats, dogs and children invited to play, they have a good chance of winning! So get your newspaper...

...or your magazine...

...or just run to a bowl of food symbolizing one of the five teams in a grouping.

One request: let us know how your non-adult participant made his/her/its picks. Based on last year, it will be tremendously fun to read.

Send your picks and your pickset name (if you do not choose a name, a name will be appointed to you by me...keep that in mind) to tmmpf.blog at gmail dot com (to ensure your picks aren't seen early). The deadline is Thursday, September 1, at 4:55 pm Central (five minutes before the first game).

The Prize: last year I acquired a prize in keeping with Blue-Gray Sky's theme of football-themed kitsch. Unfortunately, I forgot to take a picture of it, and the cat won it anyway. So this year, if we can meet or exceed last year's number of entries, I will award this official, government-issued and previously driven State of Tennessee license plate.

Here is last year's winner with the prize he has no use for:

Think you can beat that cat? Get your picks in, and good luck!

Talkin' Ohio Football With Matt From Hustle Belt

2011-08-17T22:13:00.001-05:00

Welcome to a record third-straight MAC-related post on TMMPF.com. To mark the occasion, I brought in someone who actually knows what he's talking about when it comes to MAC football: Matt Sussman from the pre-eminent MAC-centric blog, Hustle Belt. Matt was gracious enough to answer a few questions about Ohio's season and be the first non-fake guest for a Q-and-A.

MPF004: Every conference opponent has a first- or second-year coach (exception being Dave Clawson, 3rd year at Bowling Green). How much of an advantage does that give a veteran coach like Solich?

Matt Sussman: Yeah, the conference has been beleaguered by bigger schools with fatter paychecks. Having continuity at the head coach position is an advantage when recruiting. I don't think Solich will be hired away any time soon, but the other coaches will likely be fired or climbing the coaching ladder in two years. In terms of an edge during the season, I don't know how much of a difference it makes.

MPF: Although, I'd like to think there are in-game advantages. Solich knows his players better, and he's seen the other team's players before. He shouldn't get flustered by late-game situations (a la Les Miles) and he in theory knows the officials. Those are the things I think would make a difference on gameday.

MS: There may be some advantage, but even these new coaches have been around college football before, and big games too. Consider that Steve Addazio [former Florida offensive coordinator] and Dave Clawson [former OC at Tennessee and now the most-tenured sweatervest wearer in the Buckeye State] have been in the SEC. Darrell Hazell [Kent] and Dave Doeren [Northern] coached at OSU. Don Treadwell [Not Cheating Miami] called plays at Michigan State. They've all seen a lot and been in close games. Solich as well has Big XII and even BCS experience. You're right that he's recruited all his players, and maybe there's something to the fact that he can coach to that. But that seems more like an off-the-field advantage, where the difference is made in recruiting, practice and conditioning. Is Solich a great in-game tactician? I don't know about that; maybe that's the real question here.

MPF: Phil Bates. I've seen the man throw in person and on TV. Even at home I wasn't sure if the ball was going to hit me. Given his speed (good) and arm (not good), he seemed perfect for a position change to slot receiver, but early reports from camp have him still at QB. If he's going to stay at QB he has to throw a lot better or no defense will respect the pass. Do you like Bates, or the kid Tettleton, or Door #3 (aka reshirt freshman Snyder) for the QB position?

MS: If I were a coach, I'd always put in Mickey Tettleton's son. But that's why I'm not coaching. I have the same concerns about Bates being a full-time starter. I think he's still going to be a direct snap guy, but with another year of experience he may take on a bigger load. I'd bet they split the time between him and Tettleton.

(Note: since this conversation, Tettleton was announced as the starter. I followed up for Matt's thoughts on this quasi-breaking news....)

MS: I think that Tettleton might be their greatest weakness on offense ... obviously he's a third-year player so maybe he has enough experience. I haven't seen him play so he could be great, but first-year starters tend to make a few mental mistakes when the game speeds up. Then again, Austin Boucher [The Other Miami] won a MAC Championship last year.

Phil Bates' 2010 stat line. "This is our concern, Dude."

MPF: Phil Steele likes Ohio to win the division, but almost more for reasons of schedule than talent. In my experience, when the best thing you can say about a team is who they DON'T play, it's not a good sign. How do you see this year's Bobcats handling this schedule? Is it tailor-made, or are they going to stub their toe against the bottom feeders?

MS: It's a trendy pick because we know very little about these teams, and all we have is their skill set on paper and the skill sets/rankings of all the other teams, and yes, in theory, Ohio has a schedule where they can run the table. But if you look at the MAC media poll, another byproduct of soft science ... we really don't know what kind of team they're going to be. They could be great, or they could be average. But we know they have what looks to be an easy schedule. Perhaps Buffalo or Akron or CMU is actually going to be formidable, and suddenly the schedule isn't such a string of cupcakes.

MPF: Sticking with the schedule for the moment, what is your game of the year? Bonus points for picking something besides Temple on ESPN2.

MS: Ha. Well, last year they got their revenge on Temple by knocking them out of the MAC East race, but the following week they had a devastating loss to Kent State. So you might see the Bobcats try to come out and cream them. And the Miami game, always.

MPF: What do you see as the greatest strength and greatest weakness of this year's squad? Feel free to answer in terms of a player (RT Flading or MLB Keller) or position group (linebackers) or intangible (coaching, schedule, Rufus's badass-ness).

MS: The offensive line is definitely their advantage, and even if that's all they had going for them, it's a hell of a starting point. Especially since one of their drawbacks is being the only team to have lost their starting quarterback. So likely the learning curve for the new QB will be mitigated by an experienced blocking line.

I'm from Iowa. Templeton Rye is from Iowa. I like Templeton. I am going to accidentally call this kid 'Templeton' at least as often as I call him Tettleton.

MPF: Ohio's special teams are beyond good and dare I say, BCS-conference caliber, with Keller and Hershey and I assume Lavon Brazill returning kicks. Given Ohio's propensity for close games, especially in 2009, do you see special teams as a difference-maker in Ws and Ls this year?

MS: That all does depend on if Brazill can return to his 2009 form. We know Hershey and Keller should be solid, but they'll also need smart play from their blockers.

MPF: Frank Solich's Ohio teams have a history of getting to, but not winning, the big game. See: 2006 conference championship and bowl, 2009 conference championship and bowl, 2010 vs. Kent with the East title on the line. Is this the year they finally win a meaningful game, ie a conference championship or bowl? (The Pitt upset was cool, but not meaningful in a postseason sense.)

MS: It's very possible. I think they can reach the MAC Championship, but to go as far to say they'd beat Toledo or NIU or even WMU is going to be tough. Looking on the other side, people say Cubit is due at WMU, and that's actually a championship game I'd love to see, because then something absolutely would have to give.

MPF: If you could ask Frank Solich one question, what would it be? If you
were both at a Court Street bar, would it be a different question?

MS: If it were Courtside, it would be "what are you doing here?" And given the fact that I rarely get out, if I did happen to run into him, I'm pretty much stupefied that he was at the same place I was.

I miss Boo Jackson's senior leadership at the quarterback position. And I miss his hair.

MPF: Now that Boo Jackson has moved on, who has your favorite nickname and hairdo in the MAC?

MS: If one Boo is good, then two is better. BG's cornerback/kick returner Jerry "Boo Boo" Gates takes the title. As for the hair, always look for the Pacific Islanders. And Akron has one with an amazing mane, and the name couldn't be any more perfect than defensive tackle Phil Tonga.

He's got good hair, but he's no Franshaw.

MPF: Have you ever used the word "Mac-tastic" in a sentence?

MS: I prefer MAC-ceptional.

Thanks, Matt. Be sure to check out his blog at hustlebelt.com. Ohio opens the season on Sept. 3 at New Mexico State on something called AggieVision. Good luck Bobcats!

What To Make Of These Bobcats?

2011-08-16T20:28:00.000-05:00

I've been watching Ohio football pretty much since TM entered the picture in a serious way. I remember sitting in Finley Dunne's one sunny September in 2005 because it was the only place the Ohio game (vs. Northwestern) was on TV. Later we were present for the re-match.

In all that time, the Bobcats have occasionally surprised but generally been a disappointment. Numerous winnable games have gone by the books. I'm 0-3 seeing them in person, and each time they had a lead or were in a winnable position late.

Last year was no exception: with the East title and a return trip to the conference championship on the line, all they had to do was beat 4-7 Kent State. So on the Friday after Thanksgiving they turned in an awful performance, losing 28-6 and setting up a lethargic performance in the Whatever Bowl I Don't Even Remember Or Care Sponsored By Company You've Never Heard Of.

But this year, I am filled with excitement and optimism, and not just cause right now is football's spring training. This might be the year Ohio gets over the hump and wins a meaningful postseason game.

As Phil Steele points out, a lot of the reason is the schedule. Now, I've always been cautious when the best thing you can say about a team is "look at who they DON'T play." But look at this:

**Steele Rankings**
Team	Ranking
N. Mexico St.	109
Gard.-Webb	I-AA
Marshall	97
@Rutgers	66
Kent St.	105
@Buff	118
Ball St.	113
@Akron	120
Temple	91
@CM	102
@BG	115
Fake Miami	100

Ohio is 90. Using the Steele ranking, only Rutgers is a sure loss, Marshall and Temple (maybe CMU) are tossups, and the rest ought to be wins. On paper, that's 9 wins and probably the East title. And who they miss is key: Toledo (77), W. Michigan (73) and Northern Illinois (78).

But the Steele method is based on predicted strength. It doesn't tell us anything about the teams that actually played last year. That's why I started How Are You Going To Get Better, which posits that to improve you must beat someone this year who you lost to last year.

In the non-conference, Ohio's HAYGTGB shows wins over I-AA Wofford and Sun Belt Louisiana-Lafeyette. Losses were to Marshall and Ohio State. This year, the "easy" win can be retained by beating I-AA Gardner-Webb. But the marquee game is at Rutgers, and while Rutgers is down, they are still a Big East team. Marshall stays on the schedule, which means they have to either flip Marshall or win at New Mexico State. Winning on the road in week 1, especially so far from home, generally is not easy. (Although on the other hand, the Aggies were near the bottom of all defensive categories last year, so maybe it's not that hard.)

In the MAC, there's isn't much room for improvement. Ohio went 6-2 in conference as part of a 7-game winning streak midseason. The losses were to Kent (inexplicable) and Toledo (also not very reasonable).

**Ohio: 2010 vs. 2011**
2010 Opp.	Result	2011 Opp.	Result
Wofford	Win	N. Mexico St.	?
Toledo	Loss	Gard.-Webb	?
@tOSU	Loss*	Marshall	?
@Marshall	Loss	@Rutgers	?
@E.Mich.	Win	Kent St.	?
BG	Win	@Buff	?
Akron	Win	Ball St.	?
@Fake Miami	Win	@Akron	?
La.Lafeyette	Win	Temple	?
Buffalo	Win	@CM	?
@Temple	Win	@BG	?
@Kent	Loss	Fake Miami	?

* -- victory vacated by The Ohio State

I hope the Bobcats can find some revenge against Kent State. Toledo falls off, replaced by Central Michigan which does not have Dan LeFever or Brian Kelly so this is looking good. EMU also drops off, replaced by Ball State, which should be a win. All that means Ohio will need to keep last season's wins against their East foes to improve on last year.

And how does that improvement happen? To be honest, even against weak competition, I'm not sure. There's a new QB, either a guy who can't hit the broadside of a barn (do they have barns in southeast Ohio?) or a guy who didn't play a down last year. The top returning rusher is said wild-armed quarterback. The D-line has zero starters returning.

I'm hopeful, but cautious. Stop by later this week to see what a real expert thinks.

The Most Respectful Football Conference

2011-08-09T20:20:00.000-05:00

TM is quite proud of the degree she got at Ohio University and points out how the journalism school cranks out notable alumni.

The league office, however, might want to take a look at one of those MAC graduates who can put together a sentence:

Detroit, Mich. – The Miami RedHawks and the Toledo Rockets have been selected to win the East and West divisions respectfully in the 2011 Mid-American Conference Football Preseason Poll.

Here's the screengrab:

When I read that, I immediately thought of Dennis Hope from Almost Famous, in one of the small but crucial scenes of that fantastic movie.

Respectfully.

In conclusion:

The writer meant "respectively," identifying sequenced items that retain their order later in the sentence;
It makes it so much harder to not make fun of the MAC when they do stuff like this;
If you thought I was going to write about the MAC this week without mentioning this you are nuts (note Iowa is #4);
Here is Jimmy Fallon in bed with Chewbacca.

How the Hell Am I Supposed To Keep Track of These Divisions?

2011-07-27T21:23:00.006-05:00

The biggest story of the 2010 offseason (conference realignment) has become one of the most exciting changes of 2011. There were some trivial moves amongst the irrelevant Western schools, but by far the biggest and most important was the addition of Nebraska to the Big Ten.

I was wondering if I would ever re-use this picture. Hah hah just kidding, Kelly.

The Big Ten does not take on newcomers lightly. Hell I remember when Michigan State was the new kid on the block ... and they joined in 1949. In fact before Nebraska only three schools had joined our venerable institution in the 20th century: Columbus Community College The Ohio State University (1912), Sparty and Penn State (1990).

The addition of Nebraska means many things for the conference...a natural rivalry game for Iowa, an immediate contender for the championship, a conference title game ... but the most important is this:

How the hell are you supposed to remember who is in these new divisions?

Luckily for you the not-as-fanatical-as-MPF football fan, I'm here to help. Let's start with the basics.

One Division: Iowa, Michigan, Michigan State, Minnesota, Nebraska, Northwestern

The Other Division: Illinois, Indiana, Ohio State, Penn State, Purdue, Wisconsin

That's all well and good, but that's not very easy to remember. After all, smart conferences divided their divisions with clean geographic lines. The Big Texas, formerly known as the Big XII, drew a line along the southern borders of Kansas and Missouri and split into the North and the South. (And much like the Union 150 years ago, that split didn't work out too well.) The SEC likewise has the East and the West. So even if you don't pay much attention to SEC football, you can probably look at a map and realize Florida and Georgia = East and Mississippi/Louisiana/Arkansas-based schools = West.

Getting back to our conference: you've realized there is not a clean geographic split (even though they could have drawn a line between Illinois and Indiana and had six on each side). What about mnemonics? Creating a word out of an acronym?

I suggest "MAIN" and "WOPPII." "Main" is a bastardization of "mmmIAnn" which is the three "M" schools (Michigan, Mitten State and Minny), IowA, and the two "NU"s (Armani and Husker). "WOPPII" represents Wisky, Ohio State, Purdue, Penn State, Indiana and Illinois.

Okay, so maybe you're more visual. Let's go back to geography then. Here are the 12 campuses, with colored dots for each division:

If you prefer to think about the East and West split, just envision these circles:

That's all well and good, but still not super helpful.

However, another way to look at it is this:

These shapes make a sideways blue "C" and a red "L". "Bluesy" has a nice ring to it, and conveniently includes Chicago, home of the blues and awesome American Buddy Guy. The "Red L" (also a Chicago reference, now that I think about it--damn.) contains three "red" schools (Wisky, OSU and Indy), and yeah, looks like an "L". And "Riddell" is the name of an athletics company, so that's pretty easy to remember.

So there you have it: "Bluesy" and "Reddell." Or "Main" and "Swoppii." Hell, it's no worse than "Leaders" and Legends," right?

The Thinnest SEC Preview on the Internet

2011-07-25T17:30:00.003-05:00

Here at TMMPF.com we prefer our college football with a Northern bent, with heavy coverage of the Big Ten, MAC and Notre Dame.

But let's face it, the football world starts with the SEC, home of the last five national champions (some of them even legal). And since you'll need to make your Pick Six selections pretty soon, and SEC Media Days wrapped up last week, you'll need to get up to speed.

There are tons of sites out there that cover the SEC in great detail, but since you're a TMMPF.com reader, here's the bare minimum you need to know about each team before the Pick Six starts:

Alabama: Strong defense, popular pick to be in the national championship game. Tornadoes ripped through Alabama in April, killing dozens in Tuscaloosa alone and at least 243 in the state, so they are a sentimental pick, if you can get past their head coach.

Auburn: The key pieces of the tainted championship are gone. Don't pick them on pure principle of them being cheaters*.

Tennessee: Derek Dooley is in his second year. He once compared his team to Nazis (ok, technically, the Germans in WWII). Tyler Bray might be the best QB you've never heard of. Knoxville is awesome.

This is UT Coach Lane Kiffin's Twitter background. I grabbed it after he left but before the school could take it down.

LSU: Looking damn strong. Jordan Jefferson might actually be a good quarterback finally. Their head coach is nuts.

Florida: They have a new head coach whose nickname is "Boom Motherfucker." Their OC is former Kansas City Chiefs OC Charlie Weis. What they don't have is much offensive talent.

Georgia: I've been picking the Bulldogs off and on for years. They keep disappointing me. Mark Richt needs to win sooner or later. Stud RB freshman Isaiah Crowell brought a bulldog puppy to his signing day press conference, and that's pretty cool.

This kid could be Herschel Walker or he could be Maurice Clarett. But even *I* like this.

South Carolina: Steve Spurrier was cocky (pun kinda intended) at media days, and when Spurrier is lippy, that means he thinks he's got a winner. Keep this in mind.

Ole Miss: In the offseason they changed their mascot from the classically cool Colonel Reb to a bear wearing preppy clothes. Their head coach is insane.

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Arkansas: Ryan Mallett is finally gone. They couldn't win the conference with him, why would they win it without him?

Mississippi State: I'll give them credit for this: when Cam Newton's dad said he wanted $200,000 for his son to play there, MSU told him no thanks. Won't make a difference on the field, but I do appreciate the burst of honesty in a dirty conference.

Kentucky: Basketball school. I think they field a football squad, not sure though.

Vanderbilt: Smart school playing against the 11 above. Pick only if you went there and at your own peril.

Good luck with your research, y'all!

* Improper grammar is at the sole discretion of the proprietor and in this case is not making fun of how Southerners talk, just being lazy.

Experienced Candidates Only

2011-07-11T22:21:00.003-05:00

Good luck finding someone to qualify for this job (click to see bigger):

The Devil Warming a 'Special Hot Seat' for Tabloid Voicemail Hackers

2011-07-09T20:54:00.005-05:00

Makes Ominous Promise: 'I've Got Ideas' for Murdoch, Brooks

NEW YORK--Satan, the Guardian of Hell, made a rare appearance on Earth to announce that he was preparing a "special hot seat" for the British tabloid employees who hacked the phones of murder victims and their family members.

"What those tabloid people did was some fucked up shit, pardon my French," declared the king of the underworld. "I mean, just this morning before I came up here, Pol Pot elbowed me and showed me a newspaper article about the case. He didn't even say anything, just shook his head and walked away. Pol Pot!"

It was revealed this week that employees at News of the World, a tabloid newspaper in London, had broken into the voicemail accounts of not only celebrities, but also targeted the phone of Milly Dowler, a 13-year-old girl abducted and killed in 2002.

A few days later the list of hacking victims was widened to include the family members of the 2005 terrorist attacks, and soldiers killed in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Photographers were able to capture this image before Satan disappeared in a puff of smoke.

The Devil, describing himself as "quite familar" with evil behavior, said the revelations required him to take visible, public action.

"To break into the voicemail of celebrities, that's cruel, unethical, blah blah blah," said the entity also known as Lucifer or Beelzebub. "Murder victims? This newspaper deleted voicemail messages, making the family think their child was still alive. I got a special place for people like that down at my place. I call it Special Hell.

"Rebecca Brooks? Enjoy your living days while you got 'em. I've got ideas. Andy Coulson? More like Andy HOT-son, when I get started on you."

Rupert Murdoch, chief executive of News Corp., decided to shut down the tabloid. But it was too little too late, according to the Prince of Darkness.

"Oh yeah, I've had my eye on 'Rupy', as we call him here," Satan said. "Now there's a long-term project of mine. There's a special hot seat I've got that ... you know, I'll let him find out."

The Devil took only a few questions before leaving and provided few details on his plans, saying only that the News of the World people were "on notice, and that's good enough for now." Asked why he chose a hotel on Manhattan's East Side, instead of London where the activities took place, for the site of his press conference, the Devil shrugged. "I guess it's always good to come back home," he grinned.

Hello Franklin

2011-06-26T20:23:00.006-05:00

Good thing we have a "TMMPF News Flash" tag on this blog: yesterday we adopted a kitten!

Hello TMMPF.com readers. My name is Franklin.

This is the first ever picture I took of him:

Our new kitty came from Second Chance Pet Adoption here in the northwest suburbs. We were familiar with the "big shelter" model from Anti-Cruelty Society in the city. But apparently in the suburbs, foster arrangement are more common: agencies put strays with foster parents until they can find a permanent home. Then the agencies host shows at pet stores on the weekends for people like us to fall in love.

I'll say this, he isn't camera shy:

Just for the record, the flash going off in his face was an accident.

It's hard to express how small a 10-week old kitten is when you are used to an adult cat (at nine pounds, Q isn't huge). This picture comes close to getting them in scale:

A better way to describe our reaction is at the 0:25 mark:

Luckily, Quigley has been a very welcoming older brother. They are playing together:

So far there have been no struggles similar to the Booni introduction.

We want to say thank you to Sharon, who was the foster parent to our kitty, and all the folks at Second Chance. If you live in the suburbs and are thinking about adopting a cat, please check them out.

And welcome to our home, Franklin!

How Are You Going to Get Better?

2011-06-18T17:22:00.007-05:00

Apropos of nothing, here's a song by the Baseball Project to listen to while you read (opens in new window).

Every fan wants their team to be better than the year before. But for all the talk about recruiting, scheme changes, hot new coordinators and senior leadership, it comes down to this: beating somebody you lost to last year. Conversely, a slide can be caused by the loss of talent or a head coach, but it will be manifested in a loss to somebody you beat last year. (jump to Notre Dame section)

For a perfect example, look at 2010 for the two programs from the football-crazed state of Alabama. The flagship university Crimson Tide were coming off a national championship season. They were a near-universal pick for No. 1 in the preseason. But at 14-0, they had nowhere to go but down. Across the state, the Auburn Tigers finished 8-5 under a first-year head coach and were bringing in a new QB from the juco ranks. Expectations were somewhat muted (23rd nationally in consensus preseason polls).

Gratuitous Saban shot.

You may recall what happened: facing a tough schedule (multiple teams had byes before facing Alabama), the Tide lost to three teams they'd beaten in 2009: South Carolina, LSU, and the hated rivals in the Iron Bowl. Auburn rode Cam Newton and the taint of scandal to the national championship by avenging losses to Arkansas, Kentucky, Georgia, LSU, and the Bammers, while dropping no others along the way.

This by the way is the work of LSUFreek, gif master of the SEC.

Let's talk about this year and about the teams we actually care about: Iowa and Notre Dame. In 2010 Iowa underachieved their way to an 8-5 season, including a bowl win over Missouri. The losses were to Arizona, Ohio State, Wisconsin, Northwestern and Minnesota. By the way I attended two of those, lucky me. Close wins (candidates to swing the other way) were Missouri, Indiana and Michigan (not technically close since it was a 10-point win, but I'm including it because it sure felt close).

How does Iowa get better? It takes a fair amount of optimism. First, you have to retain all eight wins. Iowa State on the road in the Ferentz years is always an adventure. Michigan has the most exciting (not the best) player in the Big Ten, and he's now a junior with a non-idiot for a head coach. Iowa does not do well against spread-oriented teams, and eked by Michigan twice in a row. How long does that luck last? Michigan State has a senior QB (Kirk Cousins) and revenge on their mind (getting killed by Iowa kept Sparty out of the Rose Bowl and a shot at the national championship). That's three W's into Maybes. (I'm not concerned about the non-cons, Penn State or Indiana. Any bowl game is a toss-up.)

As for losses into wins: The non-conference loss @Ariz. could be replaced by a win at home vs. Pitt and all their coaching drama. You would think Iowa is capable of beating Northwestern and Minnesota midseason, as long as the QB and RB positions are settled, but Fitzgerald seems to have our number. That's three L's into weak Maybes. (Wisconsin is still a tough game, and suddenly depleted Ohio State is replaced by a season-ending border rivalry with the resurgent Huskers.) I don't see an improvement on 7-5 with a real chance for a backslide.

**Iowa: 2010 vs. 2011**
2010 Opp.	Result	2011 Opp.	Result
E. Illinois	Win	Tenn. Tech	?
Ia. State	Win	@Ia. State	?
@Arizona	Loss	Pitt	?
Ball St.	Win	ULM	?
Penn St.	Win	@Penn St.	?
@Michigan	Win	N'western	?
Wisconsin	Loss	Indiana	?
Mich. St.	Win	@Minnesota	?
@Indiana	Win	Michigan	?
@N'western	Loss	Mich. St.	?
Ohio St.	Loss	@Purdue	?
Minnesota	Loss	@Nebraska	?

Notre Dame also eked out an 8-5 but in a much different manner: limping to 4-5 and then closing with four straight wins including a bowl win over Miami. The losses were Michigan, Michigan State, Stanford, Navy and Tulsa. Close wins were Pitt and Southern Cal.

How does Notre Dame get better? First off, Navy damn well better become a win. No more of this losing to Navy shit; Kelly and Diaco should have learned that. You'd like to think we'll flip at least one of the Mitten/Mitten State combo into a win. Both were last-minute losses. Michigan, despite breaking in a new coach, will have a ton of motivation with the first ever night game at Michigan Library Stadium.

South Florida replaces Tulsa and I think in the home opener, that's a win. (Stanford is weaker without coach Harbaugh and FB/LB/bulldozer Owen Marecic, but Luck is still one of the best QBs in the game and I see this as a likely loss.) That is three L's into pretty reasonable W's.

As for retaining wins: Purdue, BC, Wake Forest (replacing Western Michigan if only for the "W" in their name), Maryland (replacing Utah), and Air Force (replacing Army) are all winnable. Pitt SHOULD be winnable but it is a home game for them. USC is a complete enigma as long as Kiffin is in charge. No doubt they will be motivated for the night game, but will they be disciplined? Talented? Prepared? Since it is unlikely to keep all eight in the win column, let's say one flips to a loss (any bowl game is a toss-up).

**Notre Dame: 2010 vs. 2011**
2010 Opp.	Result	2011 Opp.	Result
Purdue	Win	So. Fla	?
Michigan	Loss	@Michigan	?
@Michigan St.	Loss	Michigan St.	?
Stanford	Loss	@Pitt	?
@BC	Win	@Purdue	?
Pitt	Win	Air Force	?
W. Michigan	Win	Southern Cal	?
Navy	Loss	Navy	?
Tulsa	Loss	@Wake Forest	?
Utah	Win	vs. Maryland	?
Army	Win	BC	?
Southern Cal	Win	@Stanford	?

That's still a net gain of two for a regular season of 9-3, which I would take as solid improvement over 7-5 and 6-6 the year before.

GOT MY STEELE

2011-06-06T20:47:00.006-05:00

It's that time of the Steele* when we break out the siren...

WOOOOOOOOOO!

...and utter those three magical words: "in hand, motherfuckers."

Official "in hand, motherfucker" photo taken Saturday, June 4, 2011, after I stopped hyperventilating.

I've been digesting the 2011 College Football Preview as best I can, considering yesterday was full of yardwork and a nice dinner out. (No, I did not bring the Steele to the restaurant.) As you know it is JAMPACKED WITH INFORMATION but here are some initial observations:

He likes Alabama and Oklahoma in the title game.
He had Ohio State at No. 15 knowing about the 5-game suspensions, but not about the car dealership and Tressel's resignation.
Ohio U. is at Number 34! This is an insanely high number, and a huge inflation from their "pure" ranking (ignoring schedule) of No. 90. Why such a bump? Because Phil ranks their schedule as dead last in all of America. He likes them to win the MAC East.
Notre Dame makes a strong showing in the unit rankings: #20 QB, #38 RB, #6 WR, #11 OL. And then get ready for this: #15 DL, #5 LB, #8 DB, #19 Special Teams.
In fact, Phil is fully conflicted about the Irish: he admits ND under-achieves his prediction every year, but Brian Kelly over-achieves every year. This year he goes in for the Irish again, putting them at No. 6.
Iowa, after losing a ton of senior talent, lands at third in the Western division behind Nebraska and Michigan State (#42 nationally).
Whether you are glass half-full or glass half-lose-to-ISU about Iowa, turn to page 299. In two separate articles, he lists the Hawks as likely to improve on last year's bad fortune (3 net close losses), as those tend to even out over the years. But he also notes that Iowa's bend-but-don't-break defense gave up a lot of yards without giving up points, and that tends to even out to the other direction as well.

Quigley loves the Steele too. Wait, is that how he won last year??

Reading through Steele also piques your interest about all that knowledge he's crammed in there. For example, while perusing the MAC, I pieced together this marvelous trivia question: Who is the most recent MAC Coach of the Year still in his job? (Hint: 11 teams have a first-, second- or third-year coach.)

Even more crazy trivia question: who holds the record (since they started keeping track in 1965) for most MAC Coach of the Year awards? Keep in mind, the MAC is known as the "Cradle of Coaches" for sending luminaries to the Big Ten and other prominent Midwestern universities.

That's most of what I've got on first glance, without going all geeky on you** about the Newcomers section moving and the confusion of those western conferences. Leave your trivia guesses in the comments section. Pick 6 is only about 10 weeks away!

* Freudian slip. I really did type that, and found it too hilariously true to correct.
** 99% of readers to MPF004: "Too late."

The Bracket Is Busted: BPK 2011

2011-03-23T20:11:00.014-05:00

Once a year at TMMPF.com, we talking about brackets.

Last weekend was an orgy of hoops watching, to the point that I'm hoping I get "N-N-N-apa know how" out of my head before retirement (which will be funded using either a green line or creepy, digitally animated faces). I mean, I did enjoy hearing the soaring vocals of "The Only Living Boy In New York" ... the first one or two times. We spent our evenings this week reading, listening to music and trying to stop figuring out what the hell that "Sucker Punch" is all about. (Movie? Video game? LSD-fueled nightmare?) Also there were some great nailbiters, some cursing and a whole lot of red lines through my picksheet.

Anyway enough of the past, let's get to the main event: Bracket Pickin' Kitty!

For those who don't remember, every spring Quigley and I preview the Sweet 16 games of the NCAA Tournament, and pick our winners. Generally I've done a little better than the cat, but Quigley is on a bit of a roll from football season. Who will get household bragging rights in 2011? To the matchups!

Quigley gets prepared to make his picks.

Ohio State

vs.
Kentucky
Wildcat? ...
More to the point, can you believe this is Kentucky's first Sweet 16 in the four years of BPK? That's why I don't have a pic for them.

MPF004: Ohio State is my national champ and I have no reason to doubt them on their march to a championship. OSU.

Quigley: Solidarity with my Ohio cousins, Go Buckeyes. OSU.

MarquetteJesuits. Eagles. Whatever.

vs.
North Carolina

MPF004: UNC has looked damn good so far. I would like to see the Big East advance deeper, but I do not think it'll be Marquette. UNC.

Quigley: These Tar Heels must be good, I see them every year. Okay, I will choose them. Must be better than a bird. UNC.

Duke
vs.
Arizona
Arizona, wild cat. (click to see bigger)

MPF004: Duke, like OSU, has looked pretty unstoppable for most of the year. I don't expect Arizona to put up much of a fight, especially with a week for Coach K to prepare. Duke.

Quigley: Wildcats. Meow.

UConn

vs.
San Diego State

MPF004: UConn has been crazy hot. No way I'm picking against them here, despite a strong opponent. UConn.

Quigley: I have heard the humans talking about UConn and this "Kemba" guy. I think that's the lion from Lion King? Whatever. I've seen that slobbering dog on TV. I'm all for animal unity, but I ain't picking that dumb dog. SDSU.

Kansas
vs.
Richmond
Spiders?

MPF004: Dammit I NEED KANSAS TO LOSE AND QUICK or else I'm going to lose a bet. Richmond.

Quigley: Birds or Spiders. Hmm, well, as much as I do not like birds I am not picking something that I eat for sport. So, Jayhawks it is.

VCU
Virginia(n and the) Commonwealth.

vs.
Florida State
Lee Corso, Florida State University, Class of 1957.

MPF004: Ugh, the ol' 10 vs 11 Sweet 16 game. (Just kidding. I think this is the first time ever.) FSU knocked out ND and looked good doing it, but VCU's takedown of Georgetown and Purdue is hard to ignore. The coach is named Shaka, and will probably have a better job very soon. VCU.

Quigley: Rams scare me. But the crazy guy on the horse with the spear kinda freaks me out. At least they don't bring the ram into the basketball arena. I will go with my fellow member of the animal kingdom. VCU.

Butler
Hey bulldog.
vs.
Wisconsin

MPF004: I am impressed with Butler's takedown of No. 1 seed Pitt, but I do think the Badgers lull them into submission with a 36-33 type game. Wisconsin.

Quigley: Bulldogs? No. Wisconsin, home of the gentle, peaceful, black-and-white cow? And home of fellow BPK'er P. Puff? Purr.Wisconsin.

BYU

vs.
FloridaFlorida makes me think of former quarterback and noted Jesus freak Tim Tebow, and by extension this picture.

MPF004: Jimmer Jimmer Jimmer Jimmer Jimmer Jimmer Jimmer. Plus the other four guys, and the coach, and oh yeah Jimmer Jimmer. Jimmer. BYU.

Quigley: Jimmer this, Jimmer that. Humans always talking about Jimmer. Makes me tired. Alligators are scaly and ugly. Again, I'm all for unity, but I'm drawing the line there and sticking with the Mormon kitty (Cougars). BYU.

Aaaand, he's done.

Wow, only three disagreements, and an all-time-high five we agree on. Either I've caught some of his success, or my bad bracket mojo has infected his thinking.

This, too, was an all-time High Five.

The Sweet 16 starts Thursday night. We'll be in DC for the weekend, getting all patriotic and screaming "USA! USA!" But we'll check in on the results when we return. Enjoy the games!

Don't you ever imagine things differently from what they are?

2011-02-14T18:52:00.013-06:00

Yesterday MPF and I went to see the Coen brother’s remake of the Charles Portis novel (and John Wayne classic) True Grit. It was a very good film that we be both enjoyed very much. Having never read the novel or seen the original movie, though, I can’t say whether the remake does either justice.

I can say, however, that the new True Grit led to the following revelation: Hailee Steinfeld should be the next Anne of Green Gables.

Can't you just see this girl smashing a slate over Gilbert's head?

Many of you know that I am a great lover of all things Anne. While I adore the 1985 made for television version (which was just re-released in widescreen HD… my copy is on the way) I can’t help but imagine the wonders that modern day cinema could do with a story as classic as Anne’s.

Recently, literary delights such as Pride and Prejudice and Jane Eyre have made a comeback in Hollywood. In the case of P&P, the story was retold in a manner that allowed this timeless classic to reach new audiences.

Which begs the question: why not Anne of Green Gables?

The last time LM Montgomery’s story appeared on the silver screen was 1934. It was so successful it launched the career of a little known actress named Dawn Paris who later legally changed her name to that of the title character: Anne Shirley. Similarly, PBS routinely showcases a variety of timeless stories on its Masterpiece program. And yet what do you inevitably see nearly every year during public television pledge time? An Anne of Green Gables marathon featuring the previously mentioned 1980’s made-for TV movie.

It is, in fact, the Kevin Sullivan produced television version that could be causing all the trouble. The roll of Anne, played by Megan Follows, was so well cast that anyone who tries to take her place will have big shoes to fill.

Megan Follows:the classic Anne.

Well, maybe Hollywood doesn’t think there is an actress with enough spirit to play Anne Shirley but I disagree. Ms. Steinfeld, the 14-year-old actress who is nominated for an Oscar for her portrayal of Mattie Ross in True Grit, has not only the pluck but the braids needed to make a successful Anne.

Carrots? Nobody calls me Carrots!

In the new version of True Grit, the character of Mattie Ross is much like Anne Shirley. A headstrong, willful young woman with grace and poise beyond her years (all of which Ms. Steinfield captured beautifully). She is also whip smart, has a fast tongue, and won’t take no for an answer.

And ok, Ms. Steinfeld doesn’t have red hair. But this is 2011; do we really need a natural red head to play Anne? It’s called hair dye and I bet Ms. Steinfeld knows how to use it.

I have no idea if there is even an ounce of interest in Hollywood to remake Anne of Green Gables. But if there is, I hope (pray) that the powers that be consider Ms. Steinfeld for the pivotal role of Anne.

As for the rest of the cast, I will leave that up to you: who do you think should star in an Anne of Green Gables remake?

Missed January

2011-02-08T20:36:00.008-06:00

The month of January, in summary format: football, work, work, vacation, work. For those of you wondering why the blog has been quiet, now you know.

So two things for you tonight. First, some totally out of the blue MAC trivia. TM either heard this or pointed it out recently: In the past 10 years, seven head coaches from the MAC have been hired as head coaches at BCS conferences ... and none has* been fired (although two are no longer at that school). Can you name them?

* -- Occasional proper grammar use is at the sole discretion of the blog proprietor.

While you think about that, the other thing: I had some rare free time this weekend, so naturally I spent it idly wasting time on my computer. I ended up cleaning up and organizing the many photos scattered throughout multiple folders on my desktop. Some were too damn good to keep to myself:

Perfect juxtaposition of Catholicism and rock and roll that is The Hold Steady. Minneapolis, Minn., July 11, 2009.

My first vanity license plate, from the '59 Chevy I bought in 1961.

A few of you will get this. It was part of an April Fool's joke by ABC.

The most awesome Halloween costume of 2010: a guy in a costume ... wearing a costume. Ricky Stanzi must have cried.

And some were just too damn random:

Efficiency ... or laziness?

This photo is titled "Quigley's friend." I did not take it nor know any context.

Proof that I once did, in fact, vote for Quigley.

Okay, done thinking? Here are the answers:

(year listed is first season at new school)

Brian Kelly, Central Michigan to Cincinnati in 2007 (then to another BCS school in 2010)
Butch Jones, Central Michigan to Cincinnati in 2010
Turner Gill, Buffalo to Kansas in 2010
Jim Grobe, Ohio to Wake Forest in 2001
Gary Pinkel, Toledo to Missouri in 2001
Jerry Kill, Northern Illinois to Minnesota in 2011
Terry Hoeppner, Fake Miami to Indiana in 2005 (Hoeppner died of brain cancer in 2007.)

An aside: when TM and I were going through this question, we had Mark Dantonio listed. He of course went from Central Mitten to Mitten State...except for the fact that he came from Cincinnati, which despite its lackluster football reputation, is in fact a BCS-level school. Whoops.

Other close but wrong answers: Randy Walker went from Fake Miami to Northwestern in 1999. (He died of a heart attack in 2006.) Urban Meyer went from a MAC school (Bowling Green) to a BCS school (Florida) but there was a non-BCS school in between (Utah). Nick Saban went from Toledo to the Cleveland Browns as defensive coordinator, then to Michigan State. Of course, he has never stayed in one place long enough to get fired.

Ohhh you KNEW this was comin'!

Pick Six Final Results

2011-01-18T18:51:00.000-06:00

AKA, An Experiment Gone Horribly Wrong

OK, here is the final AP Top 25 college football for the 2010 season, preserved for posterity.

Hey everyone, raise your hand (or paw) if you had all six teams finish in the Top 25!

Oooh! Oooh! Mista Kotta, Mista Kotta!

Yes Quigley, way to go. You were the only player to get all six in the Top 25. And such, you shall not be surpised to learn that Mr. Q is the Champion of the 2010 TMMPF Official Multi-Species Pick Six Contest. Congratulations, have a greenie.

The second and third-place finishers were the respective winners of their division: Piece of Cheese, who is a dog took second (yes we all lost to two goddam animals) and Huskers Du of Madison, Wisconsin, a person, took third.

If you're curious, the perfect pick was:

A: Ohio State (21)
B: TCU (24)
C: Oregon (23)
D: Arkansas (14)
E: Auburn (25)
F: Stanford (22)

And, the worst pick:

A: Florida or Texas
B: Iowa (sigh)
C: Pitt, USC, Miami (two of three lost their coach, the third is on probation)
D: Penn State, North Carolina, Georgia Tech
E: Georgia
F: no shortage of ways to fail. I am going to single out Sidney for picking Michigan as his unranked even though he didn't pick his Ohio State Buckeyes with the "A" pick.

The results, as always, are here.

If you want to know if your team won its bowl game, click the "bowl results" tab or just click this guy here.

Thanks everyone for a fun game, and we hope to see you next year.

BEST OF MPF 2010

2011-01-09T22:27:00.000-06:00

BEST DAY: May 12. We closed on our new house. (We moved in a week later.)

WORST DAY: Hundreds of bandwagon jumping fans crowded the trains and downtown to attend a rally for a minor sports team (sometime in June I think).

BEST NEWS STORY INVOLVING A CAT: Scientists gave a cat named Oscar new back feet after they were severed in a farming accident (June 24).

BEST SHOW: David Gray and Ray LaMontagne at Pritzker Pavilion (Aug. 25). Runner up: Elvis Costello at the Chicago Theatre (Dec. 20).

BEST SONG: "The Fixer" by Pearl Jam. Runners-up: "Beg Steal or Borrow" by Ray LaMontagne.

BEST VIDEO: "This Too Shall Pass" by OK Go. Most people would pick the Rube Goldberg video, but I preferred the version with the Notre Dame marching band.

NEITHER BEST SONG NOR BEST VIDEO BUT BEST COMBINATION OF THE TWO: "Tighten Up" by Black Keys.

BEST RECORD: "Band of Joy" by Robert Plant.

BEST PICTURE: Our morning DJ, Lin Brehmer of XRT, finally got to sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" at Wrigley (Sept. 3). Later he posted this:

BEST BOWLING GAME: We joined a bowling league this year. On the first night of league play, I rolled a 200 game (Jan. 21).

BEST MOVIE: I didn't go to the movies in 2010.

BEST TV SHOW (AND EPISODE): "Lost" and the series finale (May 23).

WORST SUPREME COURT DECISION: Citizens United, which allows corporations to make unlimited donations in elections (Jan. 21).

BEST TIME IN WRIGLEY: Not a game but Residents Appreciation Day, where we got to walk around on the field, run the bases and sit in the dugout (Oct. 2).

BEST CUBS GAME: A 7-6 win over the Brewers, on the second home game, before the season went to hell.

BEST FOOTBALL GAME: Notre Dame beat Purdue (Sept. 4). This wins by default becuse every other game I went to, my team lost.

BEST STREET FEST: St. Nectarios Greek Fest in Palatine. Great food, good music, neat culture. Overall a lot of fun.

WORST AD CAMPAIGN: Anheuser-Busch went monosyllabic--It's What We Do, Here We Go, Grab Some Buds--with predictably stupid results.

BEST/WORST ROAD TRIP: Going to Tucson, Arizona, for the Iowa-Arizona football game was memorable for mostly the wrong reasons, but I'm still glad I went. (Sept. 17-19).

BEST DINING EXPERIENCE: Lowrys Prime Rib, celebrating my parents' 40th anniversary (Aug. 21).

WE'LL MISS YOU: Musician Alex Chilton, 59, on March 17; all-time Cub Ron Santo, 70, on Dec. 2. Read Paul Westerberg's remembrance; watch Pat Hughes' eulogy.

As most of you know, this is my annual year-end "Christmas letter." May this find you in good spirits and hopeful for a happy and peaceful 2011. God bless you and your family.

Monday Morning, Back to Work

2011-01-03T09:05:00.000-06:00

For you, me ... and the kitty.

That look on his face is pretty much how I feel right now.

Pick Six: The Animals' Picks

2010-12-31T09:42:00.002-06:00

Way back in the initial call for entries, I promised that if an animal played and explained its picks, I would share them with the group (permission pending of course).

The fall turned out to be a lot busier than I thought, but I do want to follow though on the promise, better late than never. Earlier in the week I caught some sort of bug, and spent most of the last two days sleeping. Now that I'm basically recovered and marooned on the couch, it's time to see how the pets came to their choices.

MPF this week, if he were a cat.

MR. Q. You've already read about the amazing success of Mr. Q. I don't think we need to say any more.

P.PUFF. Priscilla Pufferson, aka "P.Puff," is a formerly hirsute cat in Madison, Wisconsin. Her human translator sent along these notes:

I went over the teams with her. Here are her thoughts:

1. Boise State. Seriously. I tried to talk her out of it. She says she has a feeling.
2. Iowa, as a favor to me. Thanks, Kitty.
3. Wisconsin. She loves Wisconsin. She is the biggest Badger fan in this house.
4. Arkansas. Penn State will lose to Iowa, Florida State to Florida. She was once stung by a bee near the recycling bin and did not like it. She likes Arkansas' offense. But more than anything she loves ham.
5. LSU Tigers. All reason goes out the window when tigers are concerned.
6. Wildcard: Cincy BEARCATS. She is a bearcat too! And, also like her, they were abandoned and then adopted by someone much better.

Also, she says she thinks the grand prize should be Pounce Cat Treats. I disagree.

P.Puff was exhausted by this whole process.

Well, P.Puff, your gut was right on Boise and Arkansas. I guess you and Quigley were on the mark there. LSU was great too.

THE BOONSTER. Booni, aka the Boonster, lives in a high-rise building on the Chicago lakefront. I have a soft spot in my heart for him because I helped adopt him (in the role of driver). His picks weren't so great this year, but his thinking was solid.

Booni wrote:
Well, seeing how I am a tad lazy... and I have no thumbs, I have asked the human to type for me.

Looks like he's reviewing the preseason Top 25 on espn.com ...

A - Texas. So this first one is a little challenging. There are no kitties in the mix so I had to go with what I would most like to eat (I didnt get this fine physique by eating nuts after all!). Cow = deliciousness.

B - Iowa. No kitties again! This one was a toss up between Iowa and VT. Both are tasty but in the end, the Hawkeyes are better fried. That and the Hokie is kinda scary.

C - Pittsburgh. Easy- why would I pick a badger when there is a ferocious kitty in the group.

D - Penn State. Again, kitties rule, doggies (and bumble bees) drool.

E - Louisiana State. Seeing how beavers are tasty, I almost went with Oregon State... but I cannot turn my back on my brethren. Go cats!

F-Cincinnati. At this point if you do not see trend that is your problem. I am tired... done esplaining. Time for nap.

More tired kittehs.

TIPPY. Tippy lives in Wisconsin. I don't know much about Tippy, but I'm glad he played. His picks:

A - Texas
B - Virginia Tech
C - Oregon
D - Georgia Tech
E - LSU
Unranked - Arizona

Well, I'm not happy about that Arizona pick, but they are the Wildcats.

Tippy's human wrote:

Tippy's choices were more mascot based. He's a cat that likes interesting mascots. I'm guessing he'll do better than me.

Actually Sadandbritish, you did just fine. Be sure to let Tippy know who the top picker is in that household!

MITZU. Mitzu is a tiny, yippy dog who lives in the northern suburbs of Chicago. Her teams didn't perform so hot, but the logic was impeccable, focusing on what dogs do best (aside from humping my leg and sniffing my crotch).

Mitzu's human wrote:
A - Boise State - Wants to piss on a blue field.
B - Virginia Tech - Wants to piss on Michael Vick's alma mater
C - Pittsburgh - Wants to piss on Wannstedt
D - Penn State -Jo Pa has same type of incontinence problems.
E - Louisiana State - No one will notice the extra piss on Bourbon Street
Un-ranked - Mississippi - By using the same letters can make the words - I'm piss piss.

JOEY. Joey is a Australian sheepdog who lives in New Hampshire. He's pretty big but has yet to bite me, so I guess he's OK.

Joey sent in quite the elaborate picking scheme:

We hope the Commish finds it in his or her heart to allow this late entry. The picks were made shortly after dinner tonight in a very unscientific (trivial?) way. Then again if the Commish is the cat then we're screwed.

How the picks went down:

Five bowls were laid out in front of Joey with treats in each bowl. The bottom of the bowls were labeled A, B, C, D, and E. Each letter corresponds to the order of the teams listed on the TMMPF website (All "A" picks are Alabama, TCU, Oregon...) Upon telling Joey "Go make your pick!" he got up and went for the dishes. Whichever dish he ate out of first was his pick. To make it more random, we had Team Awesome Excavator mix up the bowls so they were never in the same place twice.

Without further ado (and BS), here is the picks from "Piece of Cheese"...
A- Ohio State
B- TCU
C- Oregon
D- Arkansas
E- Georgia

U- Mississippi State (Bulldogs)

And the photos:

The dishes are set. The dog awaits. (He's been to obedience school, so he's waiting for the signal.)

Examining the options.

A "b", or second pick. This would have been either Ohio State or Arkansas.

The fruits of his labor.

With only the final, post-bowl poll yet to come out, Mr. Q and Piece of Cheese have their respective specie-specific divisions all but wrapped up. Congrats to all the kitties and doggies who played this year. I hope you enjoyed the game, and Happy New Year from all of us at TMMPF.com!

The Pick Sixer's Guide to the 2010 Bowl Season

2010-12-17T10:05:00.007-06:00

Last year I wrote a thousand words, complete with pictures of Elvis, Wannstache and the Dude, previewing the bowl games. That might have been a bit much to digest, so I followed it up with easy-to-read charts.

This year, since I'm hosting the Pick Six™* game, I'm going to make it really easy on you. There are only three categories of bowl games, and they are based on the Pick Six teams.

DON'T EVEN BOTHER

Dec. 18, New Mexico, BYU (6-6) vs. UTEP (6-6)
Dec. 18, Humanitarian, Northern Ill. (10-3) vs. Fresno St. (8-4)
Dec. 18, New Orleans, Troy (7-5) vs. Ohio (8-4)
Dec. 21, St. Petersburg, Louisville (6-6) vs. Southern Miss (8-4)
Dec. 23, Poinsettia, San Diego St. (8-4) vs. Navy (8-3)
Dec. 29, Military, Maryland (8-4) vs. East Carolina (6-6)
Dec. 29, Texas, Illinois (6-6) vs. Baylor (7-5)
Dec. 30, Armed Forces, SMU (7-6) vs. Army (6-5)
Dec. 30, Pinstripe, Syracuse (7-5) vs. Kansas St. (7-5)
Dec. 31, Meineke Car Care, Clemson (6-6) vs. South Florida (7-5)
Jan. 1, TicketCity, N'western (7-5) vs. Texas Tech (7-5)
Jan. 6, GoDaddy.com, Fake Miami (9-4) vs. Mid. Tenn. St. (6-6)
Jan. 9, Kraft Fight Hunger, Nevada (12-1) vs. Boston College (7-5)

Finish your shopping or gift wrapping. Make that overdue call to Grandma. Write Christmas cards. Do whatever it is you do when you aren't watching football, because nobody picked any of these teams in these 13 bowls. You don't care. Unless you have some other reason to care.

YOU CARE, BUT NOT IN A COMPETITIVE WAY

Dec. 31, Liberty, UCF (10-3) vs. Georgia (6-6)
Dec. 24, Hawaii, Hawaii (10-3) vs. Tulsa (9-3)
Dec. 26, Little Caesars, Toledo (8-4) vs. Florida Int'l (6-6)
Dec. 27, Independence, Air Force (8-4) vs. Georgia Tech (6-6)
Dec. 28, Champs Sports, N.C. St. (8-4) vs. West Virginia (9-3)
Dec. 29, Alamo, Arizona (7-5) vs. Oklahoma St. (10-2)
Dec. 30, Music City, N. Carolina (7-5) vs. Tennessee (6-6)
Jan. 1, Capital One, Michigan St. (11-1) vs. Alabama (9-3)
Jan. 7, Cotton, Texas A&M (9-3) vs. LSU (10-2)
Jan. 8, BBVA Compass, Pittsburgh (7-5) vs. Kentucky (6-6)

These 10 games feature one Pick Six team vs. one non-Pick Six team. So yeah, someone's points are being affected, but it's in a vacuum. There's no joy of seeing a competitor team lose, knowing they will lose points in the final poll. (Although the schadenfreude-loving of us will watch the LSU game knowing that 11 of the 22 P6'ers have the Tigers.) It's not as directly exciting as the next batch...

WATCH THESE GAMES

Dec. 22, Maaco, 3Utah (10-2) vs. 6Boise St. (11-1)
Dec. 28, Insight, 1Missouri (10-2) vs. 6Iowa (7-5)
Dec. 30, Holiday, 1Washington (6-6) vs. 5Nebraska (10-3)
Dec. 31, Sun, 2Real Miami (7-5) vs. 1Notre Dame (7-5)
Dec. 31, Chick-fil-A, 2Florida St. (9-4) vs. 1S. Carolina (9-4)
Jan. 1, Outback, 5Penn St. (7-5) vs. 2Florida (7-5)
Jan. 1, Gator, 1Michigan (7-5) vs. 1Mississippi St. (8-4)
Jan. 1, Rose, 6Wisconsin (11-1) vs. 3TCU (12-0)
Jan. 1, Fiesta, 5Oklahoma (11-2) vs. 2Uconn (8-4)
Jan. 3, Orange, 3Va. Tech (11-2) vs. 3Stanford (11-1)
Jan. 4, Sugar, 9Arkansas (10-2) vs. 6Ohio St. (11-1)
Jan. 10, BCS Title, 5Auburn (13-0) vs. 7Oregon (12-0)

This is where the rubber hits the road, the fur starts to fly ... the points will grow or shrink in accordance with a team's success or failure. The blue number indicates how many P6 folks have that team, NOT their current AP rank. For that, and to check your teams the morning of Jan. 11 check out the AP Top 25 homepage. But yeah, a LOT of us will be watching the Sugar Bowl and the title game.

* -- not really trademarked. Just playing around with superscripts in HTML.

Pick Six: The Game Is Not Over

2010-12-15T12:41:00.004-06:00

In the wake of Iowa's awful performance, and company in town and being really busy blah blah, I did not update the standings after Week 12. Although it was the last full week of the regular season, not much changed.

I updated the spreadsheet after the weekend of the conference championship games, so you can see where you stand at this point.

Wait, you say, "at this point"? Aren't we done?

No! I talked to Huskers Du last weekend, and she was lamenting her second-place finish. I told her she wasn't out of the running yet. Remember that the AP poll goes through the end of the bowl season, which means the Pick Six game goes through the end of the bowl season.

Therefore, I'll have a bowl preview for you up this weekend, but in the meantime, let's look back at the regular season.

In a vacuum, there's a lot to like about my picks. I had two outright conference champions (Oregon, Oklahoma) and two more who shared the conference crown (Ohio State, UConn). All four are in the big money BCS bowls. Florida State made it to its conference championship game, leaving only one dud. But it was not enough to get me into the top 5.

Let's take a quick look back at the quintiles ... and who you should have picked.

A - Alabama, Ohio State, Boise State, Florida, Texas. Florida and Texas are out of the Top 25. Ohio State is the current leader of this group at No. 6.

B - Texas Christian, Oklahoma, Nebraska, Iowa, Virginia Tech. Iowa disappeared down the stretch. Your best bet was TCU at No. 3.

C - Oregon, Wisconsin, Miami, Southern Cal, Pittsburgh. Boy did this group tank: three of the five are gone. Oregon spent a good chunk of the year at No. 1 and is the current No. 2. (Curiously, this is the only quintile with two Top Five teams.)

D - Georgia Tech, Arkansas, North Carolina, Penn State, Florida State. Three more dropouts. Best bet: Arkansas at No. 8.

E - Louisiana State, Auburn, Georgia, Oregon State, West Virginia. Auburn at No. 1.

Best of the unranked: Stanford, No. 5, followed by Michigan State (No. 7) who, believe it or not, nobody picked. (Aaaargh.)

You will notice that the cat has four of the six best possible teams, and his other two are no slouches either. He is one of four* players to have all six teams still ranked at the end of the regular season, and the only set with no fear of losing a ranked team due to a bowl loss (I put Utah and West Virginia in that vulnerable category).

So what now? What now is, you start watching the bowls, which begin Saturday afternoon. And if you want any chance of overtaking the cat, root for his team to lose.

* Congrats also to: Finley, Sadandbritish and Larry Sparks.

Lee Elia Discusses the 2010 Hawkeyes

2010-12-01T17:02:00.004-06:00

After starting the season with a Top 10 national ranking, the Iowa Hawkeyes limped to a 7-5 record Saturday, losing to the woeful Minnesota Gophers (more like “WOE-fers”) 27-24.

It has been a tough season for Hawkeye fans, so I decided to seek out a man who knows a little about venting, former Chicago Cubs manager Lee Elia. Luckily, I was able to track him down and have a conversation.

* * *

MPF004: Lee, thanks for taking time to talk with us today.

Elia: Thanks MPF, it’s great to be here.

MPF004: Let’s talk with the disappointment of these last few losses. Iowa fans are really feeling gut-punched.

Elia: It's unbelievable. It really is. It's a disheartening fuckin' situation we're in right now. Anybody who was associated with the Hawkeye organization 10 years ago that came back and sees the multitude of progress that's been made will understand that if they're football people, that 7 and 5 doesn't negate all that work.

MPF004: ‘Disheartening’ is a good word for it, I guess. Where would you put the blame? I don’t think anyone is calling for Ferentz to resign or anything, but these losses do point to an inability to make adjustments in close games. Does the coaching staff deserve that criticism?

Elia: Everybody associated with this fuckin’ organization have been winners their whole fuckin' life. Everybody. And the fuckin’ credit is not given in that respect. The fuckin’ changes that have happened in the Hawkeye organization are multifold.

MPF004: If not the coaches then, is it on the players?

Elia: What I'm tryin' to say is don't rip them fuckin' guys out there. But don't rip them fuckin' guys 'cause they're givin' everything they can give. And right now they’re trying to do more than God gave them, and that’s why we make the simple mistakes. That’s exactly why.

MPF004: I understand these are just college kids, yes. But is there hope for the future? Do you see the 2011 team getting better?

Elia: Once we hit that fuckin’ groove, it will flow. And it will flow. The talent's there. I don't know how to make it any clearer to you. I'm frustrated. I'll guarantee you I'm frustrated. It'd be different if I walked in this room every day and saw a bunch of guys that didn't give a shit. They give a shit. And it's a tough Big Ten schedule. It's a tough Big Ten period.

MPF004: Well if it’s not the players or coaches, then what do you make of this collapse? Was this always a 7-5 team, and the fans’ expectations were just too high?

Elia: We got all these so-called fuckin' fans that come out here and say they're Hawk fans that are supposed to be behind you, rippin' every fuckin' thing you do. I'll tell you one fuckin' thing, I hope we get fuckin' hotter than shit, just to stuff it up them fuckin' people that show up every fuckin' day, because if they're the real Hawkeye fuckin' fans, they can kiss my fuckin' ass right downtown and PRINT IT.

They're really, really behind you around here...my fuckin' ass. What the fuck am I supposed to do, go out there and let the fuckin' players get destroyed and be quiet about it? For the fuckin' nickel-dime people that turn up? The motherfuckers don't even work. That's why they're out at the fuckin' game. They oughta go out and get a fuckin' job and find out what it's like to go out and go out and earn a fuckin' living.

Rip them motherfuckers. Rip them fuckin' cocksuckers like the fuckin' players. We got guys bustin' their fuckin' ass, and them fuckin' people boo. They talk about the great fuckin' support the players get around here. I haven't seen it this fuckin' year.

MPF004: Hey Lee, let me just remind you that Iowa plays on Saturday. Most people have that day off work. Getting back to the on-field performance: every single loss came down to Iowa giving up the lead in the fourth quarter. What happened in those crucial drives?

Elia: Don’t ask me about any specific play, I won’t answer it. I’m not going to talk about specific fuckin’ plays. The name of the game is get the fuckin’ job done. Every time we lose a fuckin’ close game, it’s magnified: why did this Stanzi throw that pass, or and that guy drop a pass, or this guy fumble… that’s college football fellas. That’s going to happen, that’s how touchdowns are scored. That’s how the fuckin’ balance goes cock-eyed. That’s the difference between victory and defeat. All these motherfuckin’ editorials about Stanzi and Clayborn and fuckin’ … ah … the “here we go again” and all that shit, it's sickening.

MPF004: Well that about sums it up. Thank you, Lee Elia, for coming onto the blog today.

Elia: #*@&. Go Hawks.

Week 12: Score Update and Michigan Hate

2010-11-25T17:00:00.007-06:00

Welcome to Michigan-Ohio State Week.

More on that in a minute. Before we get to the latest Pick Six scores, here is the update from two weeks ago. No news the cat's winning blah blah blah:
Team Name Total
1 Mr. Q 116
2 Hüskers Dü 101
3 Finley 90
4 Mo 87
5 P. Puff 82
6 Piece of Cheese 82
7 Frrrrrr 77
8 Sidney 71
9 Larry Sparks 68
10 My Non-Contention 67
11 HuskerFan 66
12 Sadandbritish 65
13 Tippy 61
14 Art/Arden/Aislinn 58
15 Sodeh 56
16 Mitzu 56
17 QBKatt 54
18 Gin-N-Tonic with Extra Lime 53
19 MPF004 53
20 Team Awesome Excavator 46
21 MAC FAN 29
22 The Boonster 26

Now this week. Florida State jumped back into the poll, thanks to a win over these guys.

F.S.U. Fears Not the Turtle

The biggest impact on the poll was Nebraska's 9-6 loss to Texas A&M, hurting two of the top three players. (Not the cat of course. His picks appears unbeatable.) Iowa's loss to Ohio State hurt, but the Hawks did remain in the poll, the highest-ranked four-loss team, at No. 24.

Okay, here's the link to the scores. No surprises. Quigley is still leading.

How about this weekend's games? I've gotten very MACtastic this year. Not sure why. I think it's just because it's been fun watching Ohio put together a solid season after stumbling out of the gate. I've followed the conference pretty closely, so I can tell you that the MAC East Championship comes down to tomorrow morning's game (yes morning ... 10am). If Ohio beats Kent State, they win the East. If they lose, rival Fake Miami will take the division.

Let's say you're out of the running in the Pick Six, and now you're just rooting for chaos. What does this weekend mean for you?

Arkansas vs. LSU: 10 of the top 12 scorers have either Arky or LSU. The 3rd, 4th and 5th place players have both teams. Someone's going to drop points.

Boise State vs. Nevada: The Wolfpack is the only decent team on Boise's schedule, other than Virginia Tech. Boise won't lose this game, because Nevada isn't really THAT good. But if they do, watch the blue turfers drop (three of the top five players have Boise).

Okay, let's get back to Michigan-Ohio State. In his 10 years at Columbus, Jim Tressel has been a model of consistency and success: 7, 14, 11, 8, 10, 12, 11, 10, 11 wins, plus 10 wins so far this year. Since arriving in Ann Arbor, Rich Rodriguez has set all sorts of records, such as the first major NCAA sanctions and probation in the program's history, and the first three losing conference seasons in the past 40 years (2008, 2009, 2010).

And now a joke, courtesy of the eloquently named and spelled "MichiganSux.com." The joke is "Michigan Cat."

A guy walks into a bar in Ann Arbor wearing a Michigan jersey. He's carrying a cat that also has a Michigan jersey on.
The guy says to the bartender, "Can my cat and I watch the Michigan-OSU game here? My TV at home broke down, and my cat and I always watch the game together."
The bartender replies, "Normally, cats wouldn't be allowed in the bar, but it's not very busy in here right now, so you and the cat can stay. But, if there's any trouble with the cat, I'll have to ask you to leave."
The guy agrees, and he and his cat start watching the game. Pretty soon Michigan manages to kick a field goal and the excited cat jumps up on the bar, walks all the way down and gives everyone a high five.
The bartender says, "Hey, that's pretty cool! What does he do for a Michigan win?"
The guys answers, "I don't know, I've only had him for 6 years."

Evolution of a Friendship

2010-11-21T19:48:00.004-06:00

Day 1: Uncomfortable co-existence.

Day 2: The rumble. Perhaps you remember:

Day 3-4: No photographic evidence. I went to work, I came home to find the house still standing. That was good enough for me. Suffice to say it was somewhere between Day 1 and Day 2: nobody went to the emergency room, but it wasn't buddy-buddy either.

Day 5: TM comes home. And she captures this:

Later in Day 5: Unified for a mission.

The mission apparently being bird-spotting.

Day 6: Best buds.

C'mon Hawkeyes

2010-11-19T16:27:00.001-06:00

Channel your inner Rufus!

EVANSTON INVASION: Revenge On the Nerds

2010-11-10T21:08:00.006-06:00

As a Big Ten fan, you have a complicated relationship with the other conference teams. Some programs/coaches you respect (Penn State, Michigan State until the handling of the Chris L. Rucker situation). Some are legit border rivalries (Minny, Wisky, soon to be Nebraska). Some, to quote Craig Finn, "I couldn't find the hate and I couldn't find the fear" (Indiana, Purdue). Some you just flat out hate 24/7/365.

And then there's Northwestern.

The nerds in purple used to be a reliable "W" on the schedule (season series is a comfortable 45-22-3 lead). During my formative years of watching Hawkeye football, we won 14 straight. And when you live in Chicago, it's so easy to take the Red/Purple up to that dinky little high school stadium of theirs. Back in the good ol' days (2001), I went to a game with Rich and Kary (Hawkeye fans from the hometown) and we won 59-16. We spent the first half of the game actively watching and cheering, and the second half talking, occasionally being interrupted by oh hey look we scored another touchdown. It was fun, and easy to make fun of them as the school we kept in the Big Ten to keep the conference's grades up.

And then Fitzgerald happened.

In the four years he's been coach, he's beaten Iowa three times. And it's not like he's ever had the better team:

In 2009, we were 9-0, ranked No. 8 in the country, high off that amazing win over Indiana, and then Corey Wooton crunched Ricky Stanzi's ankle, and it all went to hell. The pain is still strong, and fuels my motivation to win on Saturday. We finished 11-2 and won the Orange Bowl; they finished 8-5.
In 2008, Shonn Greene had his usual 100-yard game but Iowa had turnover-itis and lost by 5 points. We finished 9-4 and won the Outback Bowl; they were 9-4 and lost their lesser bowl.
In 2006 we were in the middle of a meltdown season, and they came into our house and beat us by two touchdowns. We finished 6-6 and went to a bowl we frankly didn't deserve; they finished 4-8.

Why did this happen? Mostly, because Fitzgerald Hates Iowa. He will never say as much in public, of course, but Hawkeye State aka Patrick Vint explains in this essay that it dates back to his playing days. And while we must acknowledge he has brought the program to Barnett-era levels of achievement, he has a particular hard-on for Iowa, and motivates his team to beat Iowa unlike any other opponent out there.

Basically: they are a smarter, in-conference version of Iowa State. Their whole fucking season revolves around beating Iowa. Despite inferior talent and lesser prestige, they see us as the only metric for their program.

As if the coach wasn't bad enough, NU fans are the nouveau-riche of college football, refusing to acknowledge anything that happened before 1995 (note to NU fans: you sucked). They never fill up that tiny stadium unless Ohio State, Michigan State or Iowa comes to town.They are the hammer and sickle to our Stars and Stripes, the ruble to our dollar. They are dirty communists (elitist, Gucci-wearing commies).

All of which is a way of saying WE'RE GOING STREAKING IN THE QUAD tailgating on enemy turf before the Iowa-justNorthwestern game Saturday. We've got a couple things in our favor. For starters, TM will be at the game, and Iowa is undefeated when she's in attendance.

TM was there. Probably took this picture.

For another, Ricky Stanzi is a senior and has cut down on the Stanziballs. Adam Robinson is back after missing last week with an injury. We need this game to stay in the Big Ten conference championship conversation. And TMMPF is hosting the pregame party.

So if you're anywhere in the Central Time Zone, you're invited to our tailgate Saturday morning. Reach out to any either co-author for contact info. Say "Fitzgerald is a dirty commie bastard" and drink free all morning, on me. The Hawkeyes, and America, will thank you.

Note: credit for the "empty seat" photo, and general inspiration/support, goes to Black Heart Gold Pants.

What a Weird Football Saturday

2010-11-10T12:01:00.001-06:00

This accidentaly got posted down below ... re-posting to the top. Pick Six update is at the end of this post. --Ed.

I'm glad I spent this one on the couch, in front of two TVs, because so much stuff happened I didn't believe it til I listed it all out (see below).

But first, a little MAC-tasticness. (Yeah I just made up that word.) The Ohio Bobcats played a nationally televised game last Thursday night. OK, it was ESPNU, but still, pretty good for the MAC. As much as I rip on the Alleged World Wide Leader for sucking at the one thing--sports--they are supposed to be good at, I will give credit where due. And ESPNU rolled out this fall a new set of school-specific graphics, playing off the channel's standard block "U."

You can see examples in the first few seconds of the sizzle reel from the agency (called National) that created the logos. Of course, the examples I've seen on air are the heavyweights with well-known characteristics: Alabama, Notre Dame, Southern Cal, Georgia, Penn State. So how surprising was it to see...

...during the game. This version doesn't have sound, but the Ohio "U" even snarled a bit upon spinning!

Okay, trying to recap Saturday's action. Well:

The No. 6 team lost by 40 points. At home. I would be amazed if that has happened ever, maybe in any sport, much less football.
These college football teams were bowl eligible at the start of action Saturday: Central Florida, Maryland (went 2-10 last year), Syracuse (no bowl since 2004), Baylor, Hawaii, San Diego State (4-8 last year, no bowl since 1998). And from the MAC: Temple, Toledo, Northern Illinois and Ohio (had six before the Thursday win).
And these schools were not bowl eligible at the start of the day: Texas, Notre Dame, Georgia Tech, Florida, Michigan, Tennessee. (Italics means they got the sixth win on Saturday.)
Michigan beat Illinois 67-65 in three overtimes. Each team scored as many points in the first half (31) as Iowa and Illinois did combined, in their entire game. This game hit the over ... in the first half. This game had more points than the last time they played in basketball. The two teams had 1,237 yards of offense. That's 0.7 of a mile.

Other weirdness:

Mississippi State is fifth (second from last) in the SEC West, but if they were in the East, they'd be in first.
Speaking of the Bulldogs and the SEC: Alabama plays MSU this weekend and is only ranked six spots higher. Alabama, everyone's preseason No. 1, the team prematurely coronated as a shoo-in to get back to the championship game, is barely higher than a team that before two weeks ago was last ranked in 2001.
The "other" MSU, Sparty, jumped six spots for beating a team without a coach.
The Big East has zero teams ranked. The Almost Competent Conference (ACC) has one. Compare that to those two conferences I can never tell apart, the Western Mountain WACky Whatever, which have four between them (Boise, Nevada, TCU, Utah).
Let's end on this pinnacle of WTF-ality. (You damn right I just made up another word.) Colorado jumped out to a nice big lead over Kansas. It was 14-3 after one, 35-10 at the half, and 38-17 at the end of the third quarter. I was feeling pretty good about my pick of Colorado to win by 8.5 points. A Buffs TD made it 45-17, then Kansas scored 35 unanswered points in the fourth quarter for the 52-45 win. That about summarizes my picks lately, and not suprisingly, Dan Hawkins was fired.

Okay, I know I need to update the Pick Six, especially with so many people benefitting from LSU and the Mad Hatter taking down Bama. I'm watching Northern Illinois destroy Toledo and wondering how either Temple or Ohio could take these guys in the conference championship game, and then realizing how much I've learned about MAC football in the last few years.

....okay okay, the spreadsheet is updated. Analysis later, if I can bear it (hint: find my name way down on the list, and draw your own conclusions).

Me and the Boys

2010-11-08T19:32:00.005-06:00

There's an experiment going down at TMMPF HQ: we've introduced a second cat to the ecosphere.

Now, don't get too excited ... this one's just a loaner. Our friend Sarah, keeper of the computer-user Booni, is out of town for the week, and we all thought this would be a good opportunity for the two cats to meet each other. Just one catch: TM is out of town too, so I'm home alone with two male housecats who are used to having the run of their respective domains.

MPF004 comes to grips with the situation.

Sarah and Booni came over Saturday afternoon, and that was relatively calm, but the real action began Sunday morning, after the girls went to the airport. I left the house for a few hours (church, breakfast, errands) and came home around noon. The house was still standing, so that was good.

But when I walked in, this is what I saw (click to make bigger):

Let me try to set the scene. All those magazines and the burgundy accordion folder? They were on the lower part of the coffee table. In that empty space where the magazines used to be? A big ol' clump of Quigley fur. If you look between the table and the couch, you'll see more tufts. And in the left center? Yeah, that's Quigley's collar. Whatever those two did, it knocked his fucking collar off.

I kneeled down to look at the coffee table.

It might be hard to see here, but trust me: those are claw marks etched into the wood, indicating some serious shit went down.

Did I mention they knocked over a TV tray?

As I set about cleaning up the mess, I picked up the excess fur. Every time I thought I'd captured it all, I found more: Under a table leg. Under a magazine. By the couch. Over here a few feet away. I finally piled it all up on now-upright TV tray.

From back to front: the combatants, and the fur that flew.

I'd love to tell you the two bastards got this out of their system. Unfortunately, last night they decided to have another round, and then after I separated them, Booni cried for his "friend." Sigh.

Other than the fighting, the dynamic is pretty damn interesting to watch, from a feline sociologist* perspective. For example, our guest is on diet food, and the host eats the regular version of the same brand. And yet, both cats have been eagerly eating each other's chow. Booni also gets wet food (the good stuff), but Quigley has no interest in that. He does, however, have mischevious ways of asserting his home-field advantage. What I find most hilarious is that Sarah left a coat on the guest bed room, presumably for Booni to have something with her scent. Yeah, Quigley slept on that coat all day yesterday, and I found him there again tonight.

At the moment we've reached another detente: Booni is on the futon here in the office, Quigley upstairs on Sarah's coat.** I've got one more night solo, then the girls return (TM for good, Sarah for just the night). Then Wednesday, I'll leave for work, and the chaos will be for TM to handle.

* -- VERRY different from "crazy cat lady." Our person-to-cat ratio is usually at a safe 2:1. It is only through temporary circumstances that we're sporting this 1:2 ratio.

** -- UPDATE!! Q just came in and is givin' the stinkeye to Booni, as if he's sleeping in Q's special spot (oh the irony). Hopefully they will defuse this safely ... I'm getting sick of playing the United Nations (and being about as successful).

Pick Six, Week Nine

2010-11-03T16:50:00.003-05:00

Pretty quiet, alla round...

The leader (Mr. Q) held onto the "quad-fecta" of the AP Top 4, ruling the leaderboard with an iron paw. Huskers Du put together a nice weekend, with modest gains from Nebraska and Stanford. Finley took a loss from Florida State but the five others all gained, for a week-best net gain of +13. Remember last week when I said the average player dropped four points? Well, you mostly got that back: this week's average score jumped from 63.5 to 67 points.

Who's winning? Of course:

Here are the numbers. As for this Saturday, Alabama-LSU will be a huge game in the SEC ... and the Pick Six game. Almost half the players (15 of 22) have one or the other, with Larry Sparks and My Non-Contention having both.

Elsewhere, Utah-TCU should be a fun game to watch ... if it wasn't on at the same time as Alabama-LSU. I guess this is why you have the two-TV system at your house, right?

Voice of the People

2010-10-27T11:25:00.002-05:00

I was surprised, that day in class, when my accounting professor said he felt the most important function in a company is marketing.

This was significant for two reasons. The prof, Ram Ramanan (winner of the 2004 "Best of MPF" award for Best Class), had been known to take good-natured shots at marketing as a discipline, razzing it for being all overlapping circles and pryamids and touchy feely concepts like "brand." The second is that it's uncommon for one member of a team to acknowledge that a different division of the team is more important, or the most important. Of course, all departments have to work in synch for the organization to be successful. But how often do you hear, for example, the running backs coach or the linebackers coach of a college football team admit a different unit is the most crucial to success? (It's the offensive line.)

But over time I've come to realize Ram is right. The core of the company is understanding what the customer wants, and then giving it to them. Finance, accounting, R&D, operations ... they are all important pieces, and the business would fall apart without them. But they are all supporting the mechanism of delivering the goods to the person with the dough (the customer). Even your sales force, often assumed to be the key department, is merely the external-facing group that communicates or delivers the firm's value proposition: not defines and refines it.

This primacy of marketing came to mind when thinking about two incredibly stupid ads recently, and how smart companies will listen to the customer, even after a mistake.

The first is the evocative image of orange drapery falling over icons of the American landscape like the Hoover Dam and the Gateway Arch, to the moody music of Nick Drake.

If you lived in New York City last decade, or if you have a vague awareness of the art world, you probably know of the artist Christo, famous for hanging brightly colored drapery off large things. His "Gates" exhibit in Central Park was by all accounts a smashing success, adding bursts of color to a drab winter cityscape.

Not part of this essay, but I should point out that living in New York City sucks 12 months per year, but moreso in the winter. I can only imagine how this brightened people's shitty days.

You've probably seen before today the ad in question, from AT&T. Many art lovers (and intellectual-property lawyers, probably) asked themselves if Christo had been consulted or compensated.

It appears that AT&T made no effort to reach out to the artist before the ad was filmed. While this was narrow-minded of AT&T, they at least had the sense to add a disclaimer at the end of the ad. The credit to the original artist was added eventually, but not until after the outcry.

A more direct feedback can be seen in the case of the smarmy State Farm guy. What can possibly compete with ducks, lizards and the guy who was the black president on TV before Obama was the black president in real life? How about an obnoxious Tom Cruise lookalike who wanders through cafes and interrupts people?

I can only hope that State Farm read the Slate article, or otherwise heard consumer feeback to create this reponse, where she interrupts him:

Your lesson, Corporate America: Listen to your audience. If you make a dumb ad, pull it and make amends.

Pick Six, Week Eight: Meet the New Boss

2010-10-25T21:33:00.004-05:00

Today's (fricking awesome) soundtrack:

You'll figure out why in a minute. Or maybe you already got it figured out.

And with that, here's your Pick Six update.

Big winners: Mizzou got a huge win over over No. 3 Oklahoma, and jumped ahead accordingly. Sadandbritish, as the only player with Mizzou, was poised to take advantange of this, except she also has Oklahoma. Net gain for Sabandbritish: +1.

Big losers: Everyone with the Sooners, Iowa and LSU. All three lost nationally televised games. Larry Sparks had both Oklahoma and LSU, so as mentioned above, he took a hit. Not even Wisconsin's jump could offset those losses. Mo also had the Sooner-Tiger combo, but without any gainers. Both guys dropped 11 points. If you makes any feel any better, last week's average score was 67.5, and 63.5 this week, so collectively, we all kinda bit it.

Wait, what was that about last week's leader? Yeah, Larry took a big hit, opening the door for you-know-who:

"Door" in this case being a flap invented by Isaac Newton.

Larry's one point lead became a commanding 16-point lead for Mr. Q. Go ahead, take a look at the Top 4 ranked teams: Oregon, Boise, Auburn, TCU. Those four share all the No.1 votes cast in the AP Poll ... and yeah, that's two-thirds of the cat's pickset.

As always, the numbers are here. Check out your standings after eight weeks of football.

Other things to note: I predicted that my vanity would kick me in the cosmic ass. And yeah, sure enough, it did. You would think I would have learned my lesson the first time. You know, there’s an old saying in Tennessee——I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee——that says, fool me once, shame on, shame on you. Fool me, you can’t get fooled again.

So no more pick 'em talk for me, only Pick Six.

Looking ahead: Sadandbritish (Mizzou) faces off against all those Huskers: Du, Fan and Larry. Iowa/Michigan State will be watched closely throughout the Midwest, and also by the six players with the Hawkeyes. Florida and Georgia face off in the World's Largest Cocktail Party, probably the most entertaining matchup of non-ranked teams. Oregon should get a strong test from Southern Cal. Meanwhile, everyone with Boise sits back and watches the points roll in. (You all should feel dirty.)

And if you can't wait til Saturday, remember that this week you've got football on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. Enjoy the games everyone!

Pick Six, Week Seven: A Crack in the Armor

2010-10-19T20:44:00.007-05:00

This was a full weekend, but not of college football. So here's an update heavy on the Pick Sixing impact, and light on the national analysis.

And let me just add a clarification: I might have made it sound last week that Ohio does not have technology. That is not true. Ohio has running water, landline telephones and cable TV. They even got the Internets in the Great Internet Boom of the 1990s. I just was at an obligation in a specific place without TV or radio.

Sorry, Ohio.

Big droppers: Lots of Husker fans were hurt by Nebraska laying an egg against Texas. Other teams to bite it, and take the accompanying hit: Ohio State an unreasonable -10, South Carolina -9, Arkansas -9, Florida -4 and out of the poll.

Big winners: Wisconsin, obviously, for toppling #1 Ohio State. Way to go for the six of you. Also, three of the four new entrants to this week's poll are Pick Sixers who started the season ranked. And the fourth, would you believe it, is a Pick Sixth from a dog. A dog picked Mississippi State, because, I assume, they are the Bulldogs. A team picked LAST in the SEC West by Phil Steele. Not that I'm bitter. (On a totally unrelated note, thanks for nothing UConn.)

Enough jibber jabber, is that cat still winning? As you're painfully aware, a housecat has been leading the game almost from the beginning. It's enough to make any person or panda ask "what the fuck."

However, the answer to the all-important question is:

No! I don't have a picture of entrant "Larry Sparks," at least not with his permission (yet). Back in the late 1990s, Larry and I walked on the playing field of Memorial Stadium in Lincoln. I'd love to tell you we were starting players on the team, but in reality we were just visiting town and discovered to our luck that the stadium was unlocked. Not sure where those pictures are today, but just envision Larry on the 50-yard line, cause he's your leader at the halfway point.

He rode the success of Wisky and Utah (his Pick Sixth, now ranked 9th) to jump 17 points and into first place. Meanwhile, the cat paid for the South Carolina and Arkansas losses, dropping 14 points and into second. Your "top dog" is still Piece of Cheese, and probably will be all year, so no more canine updates unless warranted.

And just in case he never sees first place this season, here is a pic of last week's human leader:

Finley. There, you finally made my blog. Now send a pic of Mitzu please.

Okay, one piece of analysis. Coming into the Iowa-Michigan game, the make-or-break matchup seemed to be Iowa's stiff defense (ranked fourth nationally) against Michigan's runaway train offense (ranked third nationally). Iowa was allowing 242.2 yards per game; Meech gaining 533.7 per game.

Their grammar sucks like their defense.

By contrast, Iowa's offense gained 426.4ypg, good for 33rd nationally, and the sieve masquerading as a Big Ten defense allowed 450.7 per game, 112th best in the nation. Against Big Ten-caliber offenses, the sieve gave up 535 (Notre Dame), 568 (Indiana) and 536 yards (Little Brother, aka Mitten State). So you knew Iowa would get their yards. But would Michigan get theirs?

Spelling sucks too.

Short answer: yes. Follow those links today and you'll see the Mitten actually jumped up to third against that vaunted Hawkeye defense. After facing the Denard Robinson (and Tate Forcier) Experience, Iowa's D dropped to 13th. So what does all that mean? When a poorly coached team makes numerous mental and physical mistakes, statistics don't mean spit.

Pick Six, Week Six: Scores and Analysis

2010-10-10T21:03:00.007-05:00

The week in football. I have to say it was a pretty good Saturday: Notre Dame won, Michigan lost, Ohio won, and Iowa didn't lose (bye week). So yeah, a pretty good d-- oh crap, now I have that Luce song stuck in my head.

In other news, Alabama lost for the first time in forever. (QB Greg McElroy lost for the first time as a starter since the EIGHTH GRADE.) LSU continued to pull games out of Les Miles' ass. Minnesota lost yet again, and Just Northwestern finally lost for the first time, against a team missing its #1 QB, #1 WR, #1 RB and another WR for good measure.

Onto the Pick Six game!

Florida State dominated yet again. For the non-believers, their four games since the Oklahoma debacle have been 34-10, 31-0, 34-14 and 45-17. Now that's a defense. Ohio State and Oregon also won, and Oklahoma bye'd.

Oklahom--Abide.

Georgia finally won, but I know my chances with them have disappeared like the other half of Drew Carey.

Have you seen this guy lately? Holy shit.

With all that I moved up nine points and four slots--nice, to be sure, but moot as you'll see in a moment.

Around the Top 25: Adios to two of the most hated programs in college football: Real Miami and Meeechigan. The father-daughter team of Sidney and QBKatt are the only two who picked Miami...now that's family togetherness. Sidney is further punished for having any faith in Rich "DickRod" Rodriguez by losing 8 points when the Mitten falls out of the poll.

An oldie but goodie, and totally appropriate after Saturday's beatdown.

Welcome back to two schools: Oregon State (no one has them, so nobody cares, except me, cause Oregon State beat Arizona and I hold a grudge) and West Virginia (3 players gain one point).

Enough jibber jabber. Who's winning? I can just cut and paste this from last week:

In the original Pick Six game, the BGS guys at some point would list the "perfect" pickset, consisting of the highest rankers from each quintile, plus the highest performer from the originally unranked group. Using that as a metric, let's review Quigley's picks again:

A: Boise, 23 (best is Ohio State, 25)
B: TCU, 22 (best)
C: Oregon, 24 (best)
D: Arkansas, 14 (best)
E: Auburn, 19 (best)
F: South Carolina, 16 (best)

Not only did he increase his lead from 11 to 18 points, but his picks, for this week at least, are NEARLY PERFECT. If you're looking for the tequila to drown your sorrows, it's on the top shelf, left side.

"Or behind my butt....just like you in the standings, hah hah!!"

If it matters, your leaders in the other divisions are Finley (Human) and Piece of Cheese (Canine). Remember, that link should be good all year, so go ahead and bookmark it.

This week: Big game for the Hawkeyes as they face Michigan. ND should cruise over MAC-rifice Directional Mitten. Quigley will FINALLY lose some points as Arkansas plays Auburn. (Frrrr is similarly conflicted here.) Finley has both Ohio State and Wisconsin, who play each other. Nebraska plays Texas in a game that sounds better on paper than in reality.

We'll be in Ohio and away from technology, so if you've got a score update, feel free to text me. Enjoy the games!

Quigley's Picks Explained

2010-10-10T07:53:00.004-05:00

Part of the fun of adding pets to the Pick Six game is seeing the curious ways our animals choose teams. Sometimes that means wadded up pieces of paper ...

...sometimes it means doing research online ...

"Boise is gonna be good again, right? I'll take Boise."

...or sometimes it means just pounding away at the keyboard randomly.

Sometimes they call a friend for advice...

...and some years, you swear the cat has been drinking.

But this year, it appears ACTUAL FELINE THOUGHT went into the pickset that is leading the 2010 game. I shall now reveal the reasoning behind Quigley's picks, with the help of cat-channeler TinaMarie.

When Quigley submitted his six, his human Tina wrote this comment:

To help promote peace between different groups (be it ethnic factions, religious factions etc.) Mr. Q. (aka Quigley) has decided to prove that animals CAN play nicely in the wilds of college football.

Without further ado, the 2010 Mr. Q all animal team:

1. Boise State Broncos (aka big ass horses)
2. TCU Horned Frogs (aka Kermit's favorite team)
3. Oregon Ducks (Quack!)
4. Arkansas Razorbacks (aka big ass pigs)
5. Auburn Tigers (Grrr... Tigers rule)
6. South Carolina Gamecocks (I guess if you are going to pick two birds a rooster and a duck ain't too bad...)

So there you go. By trying to promote peace in the animal kingdom, he's kicking all the humans' asses. Thanks a lot, Mr. Q.

Pick Six: Week Five Update

2010-10-03T21:04:00.004-05:00

A great Week 5, in my opinion. Iowa, Notre Dame and Ohio all won ("and Maryland!!" pipes up my co-author). But enough about the non-Pick Six stuff*. What happened in this week's AP poll?

Big movers: Arizona (way to go Tippy, although I'm sure you are a nice cat I take no joy at your profitting on a team that beat Iowa), Arkansas (nine players have the Hogs), Sparty (no one has them in the game so who cares) and Nevada (ditto).

Going down: Tough conference losses hurt Stanford, Florida and Wisconsin. For Penn State, Texas and USC, ugly losses meant eviction from the poll. That is particularly tough on Boonster, who had both Texas and Penn State.

Moving ... on down in the point totals.

Newcomers: Welcome back Florida State! That's three big points for Larry Sparks and me. And welcome to the poll, Mizzou (sabandbritish).

Enough jibber jabber. Who's winning? Your undisputed leader Week 5 is:

Stanford's loss hurt last week's co-leader Hüskers Dü (I actually went and got those umlauts for you Kelly, instead of just a lazy copy-and-paste), allowing Quigley to open up an 11-point lead. He's got 5 of the top 11 teams. His worst team is South Carolina at No. 19. Only two other players have all six teams ranked (Finley in third place and Larry Sparks in fourth).

Let that sink in for a moment, people: We Are All Losing. To a suburban housecat.

Here's the spreadsheet with the scores. For those of who are you interwebs-savvy, I've changed the filename to "2010p6Standings" and this URL should be consistent for the rest of the game. Feel free to bookmark it or RSS it or "like" it or twit it or whatever the hell your cell phone does.

* -- Okay, one more thing. In my pick 'em game where you pick against the spread, I went 16-5. Keep in mind that Vegas sets the spread to ensure the wagering public will be split 50-50, so anything even slightly above .500 is a good week. I know I am tempting fate but I'm pretty excited. Who else picked Illinois AND Minnesota to cover their spreads?

Oh Boy.

2010-09-26T21:34:00.007-05:00

I'm not getting in the middle of this one. All I can do is report the facts:

And the facts are, after one month of football, Mr. Q and Huskers Du are tied atop the standings. Everyone else, read em and weep. Analysis and shit coming later in the week. But for now: it's gonna be a tense week in Madison and Palatine.

Pick Six: Week 4's Quick Picks

2010-09-24T15:39:00.002-05:00

It's Thursday morning Friday afternoon already...sigh, and I'm just barely getting caught up with last weekend's football. Wednesday night I sat on the new couch (it is comfy) and checked out all the scores and the latest AP Top 25. But Pitt-Miami kicked off Week 4 last night, and we're going to South Bend tomorrow, so not a lot of time for looking back. Let's talk quick.

For those clamoring for a Pick Six update, here's the upshot: not much happened. The only teams to move more than two slots were Iowa (grrr) and Arizona (double grrr ... wait a minute, that's the same grrr) and Stanford (not good for the Irish). So wherever you were last week, that's probably where you are this week. I'll get my spreadsheet issue sorted out and have an update next week.

Because by Sunday, we should see some big movement. Whereas last week there was only one game between ranked teams (which was obliterated from my memory), this week there are four. At least four ranked teams are going to lose, and probably more. So you'll need to know where you stand, and I will provide.

Week 4 Preview: Things are getting MAC-tastic in the Big Ten. Check out this week's lineup of foes: Akron, Ball State, Bowling Green, Northern Colorado, Northern Illinois, Central Michigan, Eastern Michigan, Temple, Toledo and Austin Peay. Eight of 10 teams in action (Illinois had a MAC snack last week, and in typical Zook fashion almost lost, so they're taking a breather this week) are facing the Little Engine That Could of conferences. That sound you hear is the entire Big Ten fanbase yawning.

This Week It Sucks to Be: a former powerhouse. Florida and Southern California were the dominant programs of the last decade. But in 2010, the voters just don't believe. The Gators opened the preseason at 4, won and dropped to 8, won again and dropped to 10! By winning last week, they jumped all the way up to 9. But the Trojans can top that: Southern Cal has won in three straight weeks ... and dropped in the polls all three weeks (from preseason 14 to 16 to 18 to their current 20). I'm not sure if/when that's ever happened before. Hell, if they keep winning, they'll be out of the poll altogether!

Allrighty, enjoy the games tomorrow. The season is already a quarter over, and by this time tomorrow it will be a third done. But hey, let's focus on the upside: there's 75% (soon to be 67%) of the season left!

Here's hoping the temps drop into the 50s and 60s:

It's almost blanket weather for Quigley cat!

Pick Six: Week Two Update

2010-09-12T21:12:00.007-05:00

What happened with your favorite teams this weekend? Of note in the Pick Six universe:

Oklahoma curb-stomped Florida State, knocking them out of the poll. In other bad news for the ACC, Georgia Tech lost to no-longer-good Kansas, and Virginia Tech lost at home. To James Madison. Who in addition to being dead since 1836, doesn't even play I-A (highest level) football.
Georgia looked offensively inept against South Carolina, and paid for it with their four points. This is what happens when you play the only early game worth a damn on the biggest Saturday of September: everyone sees you suck.
Conversely, South Carolina got an unnecessarily large bump (12 spots/points) for that win over UGa (pronounced "Uggg-uhhh" after how they played).
Other inexplicable jumpers: Auburn for barely beating hapless Mississippi State; LSU for beating the worst team in the SEC; Utah for beating UNLV, who now has two 20+ point losses on the season.

About the only jump that made any damn sense was Oklahoma, who actually beat a ranked opponent.

The other new entries: welcome to Houston, Oregon State, The Hated Mitten, and the Arizona Wildcats, making Saturday's Iowa game the ONLY matchup of ranked teams on the weekend. (Of course ESPN's Gameday will be at Auburn as they face perenial chokers Clemson.)

Enough jibber jabber. Who's winning?

Believe it or not folks, a cat has taken the lead with a whopping 103 points. It's only Week 2, but the peace-loving kitty (his pick rationale will be explained later this season) has Boise, TCU and Oregon, and they're all top 5 this week. The cherry on top is his Arkansas/Auburn/South Carolina combo: that Hillbilly Alley trio are all No. 16 or higher.

If you're wondering about the highest-ranked human being: it's Finley wtih 94 points, Mo and Larry Sparks with 82 points, and at 81 is Bob Mould's old band. No, not Sugar. I'm still having trouble with formatting and Googledocs, but you can see the full spreadsheet here.

Week 3: What to Watch For. Other than me in the bright gold "gameday" shirt at Arizona Stadium? Not much. If your team loses points, you should be worried big-time. After a huge slate last week, no one (besides Iowa and Arizona) faces much of a challenge (unless you believe Georgia will scare Arkansas, and as of about 11:30 am last Saturday, you should not). Expect these scores to hold steady for one more week.

Finally, one piece of house-keeping: Frrrr was denied 1 point for Stanford last week due to a spreadsheet error. That has been corrected, and just in time, too, because Stanford is up to No. 19 (7 points) and that's too much to miss.

I'm going to Arizona this weekend for the Hawkeye game. Hope I don't get thrown in jail (again).

Pick Six 2010: Game On

2010-09-08T21:18:00.005-05:00

The Pick Six game is off and running! For those who missed the boat, here's a quick summary:

You divide the AP Top 25 preseason poll into five groupings, pick one team from each, plus one unranked team, with the goal of having the highest ranked teams at the end of the season.

This year we have 22 players, divided into two biological divisions (Human and Feline/Canine). The full list of players and their preseason scores is* here:

The entries have a bit of a Nebraska flavor. Between Husker Du, HuskerFan and "Husker Larry" Sparks, I couldn't help but think of this commercial:

Okay, on with the score update! I hope to make this look prettier in the coming weeks, like the Googledoc above, but for now, feast your eyes on the Week 1 standings:

Team Name Pts.
1 Finley 84
2 Mr. Q 83
3 HuskerFan 82
4 Hüskers Dü 81
5 Piece of Cheese 81
6 Husker Larry 78
7 My Non-Contention 76
8 P. Puff 74
9 Gin-N-Tonic with Extra Lime 74
10 Mo 73
11 Sidney 72
12 MPF004 72
13 Sadandbritish 71
14 Tippy 71
15 QBKatt 70
16 Frrrrrr 59
17 Sodeh 59
18 Art/Arden/Aislinn 55
19 MAC FAN 55
20 The Boonster 53
21 Mitzu 51
22 Team Awesome Excavator 50

Big movers: Finley scored big with five jumpers, led by Utah, who upset Pitt (much to the chagrin of the six Pitt pickers). HuskerFan and Husker Larry also benefitted from the Utah pick to jump into the Top 5. North Carolina also fell out of the poll.

What to watch this weekend: A few players committed a cardinal Pick Six sin of selecting teams that play each other, guaranteeing yourself a loss. QBKatt has both Ohio State and Miami. Larry has Florida State and Oklahoma. And, uh, whoops.

Other than that though, it's going to be a huge day of football. In addition to the above games, you've got Notre Dame vs. Michigan, Iowa vs. Iowa State, Penn St. vs. Alabama, Oregon vs. Tennessee, Georgia (sans A.J. Green) vs. South Carolina. Can you imagine a few years ago that Cal vs. Colorado would be the 7th or 8th best game of Week 2? Hell, even Syracuse/Washington would have been huge in the early 1990s .... now it's an afterthought (MPF thinks about how few readers remember when both Cuse and UDub were good, feels old, has a beer).

Enjoy the games, cheer on your teams, and if you've got a blog, be sure to post your thoughts and/or results. (Don't bother with the Facebook or the Twitter cause I'm not on those.)

* -- Occasional proper grammar use is at the sole discretion of the blog proprietor.

MPF004's Pick Six Revealed

2010-09-02T18:30:00.002-05:00

The deadline has passed for the 2010 Pick Six game. I can now reveal my pickset and reasoning.
A: Alabama has nowhere to go but down, and repeating is extremely difficult. I don't trust Boise, and I'm going to pick a Big XII team in the B grouping. So it's Ohio State, who has never let me down in past years, vs. Florida, who is breaking in a new QB (if I called him "Petra" would anybody get the joke?) and a ton of new starters on D. Much like last year, when I felt Alabama could go all the way but I picked against Saban, I'm going to play it close to the (sweater)vest. I think Florida could be in the national championship game, but I'm going with Ohio State.

Mister Conservative.

B: What a stacked bracket. My heart won't let me pick Iowa. I hear Virginia Tech's offense is better, but is it good enough to finish better than 10th? I don't think so. I'm reluctant to pick a non-BCS school here because one loss could plummet them. So it's a good ol' fashioned Big 8 matchup for me. What I saw out of Landry Jones subbing for Sam Bradford makes me pick Oklahoma over Nebraska. Sorry Kelly.

Sorry Herbie.

C: Man this is a tough pick. Southern Cal could go 11-1 or 6-6, and I probably couldn't choose them even if 12-0 was guaranteed. Pitt is the second best team on paper (behind USC), but Wannstache makes Kiffykins look like JoePa. I don't trust Miami ... too uneven. I don't think I can pick Wisconsin. So I guess I got Oregon to repeat in the Pac 10? Unlikely as it is to happen, am I really picking a repeat of the 2010 Rose Bowl? (sigh)

TMMPF.com JPG Hall of Fame Inductee, 2009.

D: This grouping is filled with fool's gold. Georgia Tech lost a ton of talent off a team that got destroyed by Iowa in the Orange Bowl. This No. 16 ranking assumes that the ACC will not figure out the Paul Johnson triple option; I suspect the Wreck is good for 3-4 losses or more. Arkansas has a great QB (Mallett) and an awful D. North Carolina is on the verge of having their NFL-caliber defense suspended for receiving NFL-caliber compensation. Penn State is breaking in a new QB to replace Clark and faces a near-certain loss at Alabama on Sept. 11. So that leaves me with, aw shit, really, Florida State? Oh well. Christian Ponder might be the best QB in the ACC this year. I know Tyrod Taylor and Virginia Tech have had a great run, and I pick against them hesitantly. But FSU it is (I guess). I know WR Forston got kicked off the team, but at least it happened early enough (meaning, in camp) for the team to recover. Let's see how Fisher does in his first year at the helm.

Anybody need a reason to not pick Georgia Tech? Ask Adrian Clayborn.

E: I like Georgia. Not sure why. I just think this might be the year Mark Richt puts it all together, and finds a way to win some of those conference games that have killed them recently. I don't believe this is the year Les Miles puts it all together, I damn sure don't trust Gene Chizik, I can't see West Virginia making a run, and I don't know enough about Oregon State other than the Rodgers brothers. So Gaw-ja it is. Don't let me down this time Dawgs.

Phil gives my pick of Georgia the thumbs-up.

F: The all-important pick sixth. I put a lot of research into this one, because your pick sixth will make or break you. My runners-up were Stanford (great QB, appear to be on the rise, but lost TB Toby Gerhart), Utah (good program, reasonable schedule, but a young QB) and Sparty (on paper the most talent, but c'mon, they're Sparty, they are going to lose a few they shouldn't and finish 7-5). Although history doesn't really repeat itself in college football, I looked at last year's top pick sixth and saw a basketball school kind of come out of nowhere, with an experienced QB, smart head coach, and the right momentum. Several close losses and a bowl win over Steve Spurrier and the Gamecocks the prior year seemed like a pretty good launching pad for the following season. Plus, they don't play ND or Iowa, so no rooting conflicts. After picking California and UCLA the last two years, I'm taking my "C"s to the other sea.

So I'm going with Connecticut as my team to jump from the ranks of the unranked to finish high in 2010, perhaps even upsetting the Wannstache for the Big East championship.

MPF004: Ohio State, Oklahoma, Oregon, Florida State, Georgia, UConn.

Good luck everybody! We'll try to get a participant/score update out early next week.

I hope you picked good teams, ya moran.

Today in Blog History

2010-09-01T22:22:00.003-05:00

I wrote this.

Looking back on it, it's funny to see how much disdain there was, with only one season (and one NCAA investigation) under his belt. If anything, that disgust-bordering-on-hate has grown, because when I see him, all I see is a white hillbilly version of Tyrone Willingham: an outsider who JUST FUCKING DOESN'T GET IT, the "it" in this case being the tradition and history of the program he's running right into the ground. (Not that I mind terribly. But they should fail with one of their own, like ND did with Charlie.)

Anyway, to hell with him. I hope he goes 0-12. (Yes, even Massachusetts, Bowling Green and Indiana.)

Return of the Pick Six

2010-08-27T21:25:00.002-05:00

While I was busy busting my ass at work, hosting out of town guests and trying to buy a used car, the venerable Associated Press on Saturday released their preseason Top 25 poll.

Let’s just pause a moment from the hecticness of life and acknowledge HOLY SHIT FOOTBALL IS ABOUT TO START.

Happy kitties love football season.

One of my favorite traditions from one of my favorite blogs was the Pick Six game from the now-defunct Blue Gray Sky. The rules are incredibly simple and allow for a season’s worth of fun. Since the guys stopped their blog this spring, I'm going to keep the Pick Six game going in our own little corner of the Internet.

How to play:

Divide the top 25 into 5 groups* of 5 based on the preseason AP Poll: 1-5, 6-10, 11-15, etc. For this year's poll, the groups are:

A - Alabama, Ohio State, Boise State, Florida, Texas
B - Texas Christian, Oklahoma, Nebraska, Iowa, Virginia Tech
C - Oregon, Wisconsin, Miami, Southern Cal, Pittsburgh
D - Georgia Tech, Arkansas, North Carolina, Penn State, Florida State
E - Louisiana State, Auburn, Georgia, Oregon State, West Virginia

(By the way, it is funny to see Iowa was in the same grouping (B, 6-10) in 2005 as they are in the 2010 poll.)

2. You pick one team from each group, plus one unranked team. You're trying to pick the teams you think will finish highest in the final AP poll.

3. Each week I will (try to) update the standings. You get 25 points for having the #1 team, 24 points for the #2 team, on down to 1 point for the #25 team. Unranked teams get zero points.

4. The winner is the person at the end of the year with the most points (best-ranked teams).

The BGS guys gave away a prize. I don’t have a whole BGS team at my disposal, but if I can get 15 adult people (see below) to play, I’ll find and award a prize in the spirit of the original year swag of a 1977 Joe Paterno Coca-Cola Commemorative drink tray.

Booni enters his picks. (Might need Sarah's help.)

How to enter:

Send your picks and your screenname (or real name, if you're not into the whole Internet anonymity thing) to this email address: tmmpf.blog@gmail.com. This ensures I will not see the entries until after the deadline. Picks are due Thursday, September 2, 2010, 6:55pm Central time ((EDIT: 6:25 pm ... games start a half-hour earlier than I thought)), which is before the start of the first game.

One thing that makes our contest great is the inclusion of non-football fans .... and non-people. Our cat has played for two years (here is his 2008 pickset, and his 2009 writeup) in addition to trying his paw at the NCAA brackets. All prognosticating kitties are invited to play the 2010 Pick Six.

Is John Clay healthy? Is Crick really the new Suh? Madison kitties get pensive.

And, this year’s contest is open to children! (Dogs, maybe, if you can make a good case, yes I'm talking to you Donald.) Only disclaimer is: non-sentient beings have to have their picks explained along with the submission. Inquiring minds want to know the "why" behind the picks. Your pickset and rationale may be featured over the course of the season.

Share this link/email with your friends. When it comes to Pick Six, the more the merrier. Good luck!

The Pick Six. So easy .... a Michigan Man can do it.

* -- Quintiles, if you wanna get statistical about it.

Predicting Won-Loss Records (the Easy Way)

2010-08-08T07:26:00.006-05:00

I was looking for something else on the blog and stumbled across last year's "Predicting Won-Loss Records (the Easy Way)" and noticed that it was written in early August. It's early August right now, so in my most pragmatic, Midwestern, eatin' at Cracker Barrel voice, I said, "Welp, guess it's 'bout time to write this year's W-L predictions."

As a reminder, it's pretty difficult guess to what any team's final record will be, before a single practice has begun (of course that hasn't stopped the idiots at ESPN from doing exactly that). So instead, I use the great Phil Steele's 2010 College Football Preview as a proxy. I figure teams ought to beat the teams below them, lose to the ones above them, and anyone within a range is a toss-up. Knowing that injuries and upsets will factor in, you have a rough idea of a team's strength compared to who's on the schedule.

Phil has two ranking systems: the preseason Top 40 (prediction of where teams will finish, layers subjective info on top of data) and the Power Poll 120 (team strength in a vacuum, does not consider schedule, computer-driven). And this year, we have rankings from Paul Myerberg's Pre-Snap Read blog, formerly hosted at the New York Times (he is still mid-countdown, hence the question marks for teams yet unrevealed).

Let's start with the Hawkeyes. Coming off an awesome season capped by an Orange Bowl win and the quote of the year, Iowa returns a lot of talent and limited question marks. On paper, the sky's the limit. But what say the rankers?

**Rankings**
PSR	Team	PP/Preseason
??	Iowa	13 /14
NA	Eastern Illinois	NA / NA
88	Iowa State	76/NA
46	Arizona	23/25
101	Ball State	88/NA
??	Penn State	18/18
37	Michigan	39/37
??	Wisconsin	20/23
51	Michigan State	38/35
77	Indiana	84/NR
42	Northwestern	54/NR
??	Ohio State	2/2
83	Minnesota	79/NR

PSR = Pre-Snap Read. PP=Power Poll.

Both systems agree: the only competition should come from Ohio State, Penn State and Wisconsin. I say SHOULD because they aren't looking at factors like rivalry (Iowa State and Minnesota will be seeking payback) and where/when games are played (like 9:35 Central in the desert of Tucson, Ariz.) But if Stanzi can cut down on interceptions, if the O-line can gel enough to open running lanes, if Clayborn continues to terrorize Division I football ... things are looking good.

As for the first year of the Brian Kelly Era:

**Rankings**
PSR	Team	PP /Preseason
32	Notre Dame	27/16
65	Purdue	67/NR
37	Michigan	39/37
51	Michigan State	38/35
??	Stanford	24/34
??	Boston College	37/30
29	Pittsburgh	40/27
92	Western Michigan	73/NR
30	Navy	56/48
50	Tulsa	53/NR
??	Utah	44/28
85	Army	99/NR
??	Southern Cal	14 /8

Myerberg has four ranked higher (we don't know how high yet), three toss-ups, and five that appear to be easy wins. ND would have to over-acheive to get to eight wins in that scenario--but that would mean a two-win improvement over last year.

On the other hand, Phil has a reputation for being high on the Irish, and it continues this year. He sees ND just outside the Top 25, with only Stanford and Southern Cal higher. That would be a 10-2 year. Frankly, when it comes to Irish football, I'll believe it when I see it.

Now on the surface you'd think Iowa has the harder schedule: traditional powers Penn State and Ohio State, plus two BCS-level out of conference games in Arizona and Iowa St (they are still in the Big teXIIas conference, right?) But take a closer look at Steele's preseason rankings--his estimation of where teams will END the season, based on factors like talent, opponents, and when you play those opponents. ND has 7 teams on his list, Iowa only 6.

Keep this in mind as the season goes along. We're only four weeks away!