Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Barack and Roll

Ladies and gentlemen: the 44th president of the United States is Barack Hussein Obama. You know how I know? Because the Boss has spoken.

But it got me wondering: who would my favorite bands endorse?

The Hold Steady: The Steady likes to drink beer and rock out. They've been called America's greatest bar band and was the subject of the first really long essay on this blog. A guy like Craig Finn who understands the impact of using the right words and the power of dreaming for a better tomorrow would support Obama. Now, if it ever were determined that Barack got drunk once under some railroad tracks in Minneapolis, that would totally seal the deal.

Wilco: Obama. Hometown pick.

Patty Griffin: Hillary. Not just because of the gender, but because Hillary represents toughness and feminity at the same time. She can legislate with the boys by day and have a pajama party with the girls at night*. It's the same complexity that permeates PG's songs and characters.

R.E.M.: I am sure that they believe in the hope of the Obama campaign.

Dylan: wouldn't vote. He did enough world-changing 40 years ago, and no matter who the next president is, Dylan will still be Dylan.

Old 97's: I'll let TM take a swing at this one. You got four guys from Texas. They believe in rock and roll, Merle Haggard covers, marrying supermodels, writing killer ballads, God and microwaving chicken ravioli. So who the 97's got?

Kelly Willis: Kelly is a mom (unfortunately, now a stay-at-home mom) in Texas, a bastion of Republicanism. I think she'd see Hillary and Obama as too slick, too big-city for her taste. She'd probably appreciate the "guns" candidate, which is McCain. (I have no idea if Kelly is pro-gun, anti-gun or gun-indifferent. She's from Texas, people. I'm going on stereotypes here.)

Kathleen Edwards: Canadian. Can't vote.

Gary Louris: Gar, being from the upper Midwest, probably trusts the Midwestern guy over the slick New Yorker. (Yeah, I'm aware she grew up in Park Ridge. Does she seem like a trustworthy Midwesterner, or a cutthroat Manhattanite? Yeah, you know I'm right.)

A. Scott Miller: Scott Miller is a Southerner. He likes a shot and a beer--and not the photo op kind. I think he'd go Obama, if only for "whut the hell man, this country's in the shitter anyway. Let's give this guy a chance. Areyawithme, America??"

Zep: Zep, as Carolyn pointed out, is fabulously wealthy and would probably support the Republican no matter who he is. However, Zep is British. Can't vote.

Josh Rouse: He lives in Spain now, so I think he's probably better attuned than anyone on this list to how America's global standing has plummeted under the Bush administration. The world hates us because our dumbass president started a preemptive war on bullshit evidence. (Do I have that right, Parnell?) So Josh Rouse is going to vote for whoever is not George Bush, whoever will restore America's image as the beacon of hope for the world. That man is Barack Obama.

Dolly Varden: I kinda sorta know Steve and Diane through my friend Sarah, who knows them very well. A few years ago, (early November 2004 to be exact) TM and I went to a photo exhibit of Sarah's (she's very talented, check out the photo credit) at the Old Town School of Folk Music. At one point, when I was standing nearby, someone walked into the room and asked Diane how she was doing. "Oh you know, we're upset..." she said, and then added, almost unnecessarily, "about the election." So I'm damn sure they ain't voting for Bush, anyone who looks like Bush, thinks like Bush, or has an "R" after their name like Bush. Because I kinda sorta know Steve and Diane and do not wish to make jokes about their preference**, let's just say they would split their vote, with Steve picking Obama and Diane picking Hillary.

* This is a real story I read, showing her "softer side" and how she can giggle with her girlfriends like a regular adult woman. I couldn't find the link, but that was a deliberate reference.

** If Steve or Diane or Sarah stumbles across this, please leave your thoughts in the comments box, and I promise to update accordingly.

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