Kitten No Longer Cutest Thing In House

Palatine, Ill. (AP) -- Franklin, an 11-month-old kitten, was replaced Friday as the Cutest Thing in his house, according to suburban household sources.

Franklin had held the Cutest Thing title since this photo from summer last year.

The grey striped kitten has reigned as the Cutest Thing in his house since being adopted in June 2011. But a new arrival, brought home Friday, has relegated Franklin to second place.

The new Cutest Thing has yet to make a statement to the press, beyond jagged screams and occasional gurgles, which have been confirmed as the cutest thing ever, or at least since that little grey kitten. Household cats had suspected a change was coming, because the new arrival merited its own room, whereas the cats slept throughout the house but without a dedicated spot.

Experts predict that not even putting a sports cap on the kitty can help him regain the title.

Franklin had maintained his iron grip on title of Cutest Thing with such actions as cuddling in laps, furiously chasing toys and his silly attraction to water. However, the new Cutest Thing has overtaken the cat by doing little more than sleeping. The kitten attempted to plead for attention, noting that he is smaller (approx. 5 pounds vs. 8 pounds for the new thing) and covered in soft fur. The meows were acknowledged and dismissed as the people hovered over the new Cutest Thing.

"Oh, Franklin is cute, you know," said one person close to the situation. "But he's getting bigger, he's almost an adult kitty now ... and look at this little one! Oh yes, wook at dis widdle one!"

Luckily, no kitties have to move out to make room for the new one.

News of the arrival of the Cute Queen spread quickly, with visitors arriving from out of state, and many more expected over the coming months. Despite being only a few days old, the Cutest Thing is already planning a tour this summer to display her household-dominating cuteness to the Midwestern region of the U.S.

The prior Cutest Thing in the House, 8-year-old Quigley B. Katt, was unavailable for comment as he was sulking under a bed.

Franklin might disagree, but THIS is cute.

Overjoyed

Everybody's been waiting for months now for yesterday to happen ...

...this is the very picture of anticipation at our house.

And sitting on the "daddy couch" in a mother-baby room in a hospital, having gone through one of the weirdest, most intense 24-hour periods of my life, my mind buzzes through a million different thoughts and feelings, but also, the pajamas.

The first article of baby clothing I bought in my entire life happened about a month ago at JCPenney's. I saw these and couldn't resist. And since they were on clearance I bought two sizes, so they can be in use as long as possible.

I was rightfully proud of that first choice, even though I didn't know who (or what) would occupy those pajamas. And now that I know, I can't wait to get her home and sleeping in these:

The words on that chest label, by the way, say "Mommy's Rockstar."

Thank you to everyone who sent their good wishes via text or email. So many song lyrics flying through my head at this busy time, including many from Craig Finn, like "the kids at the shows will have kids of their own" or the idea of the "First Night." But I think it's best to just simply say: "We were overjoyed."

Best of MPF 2011: Bonus Tracks

Every year after I finish the "Best Of" list, I always think of something I meant to add, or want to mention a couple of the items that just missed the cut. This scatterbrained year is no exception, especially since I didn't have the chance to do my usual "nominees" writeups.

In fact, this year is even worse, because it's almost March and other things are going on that have taken my attention. But the year deserves documentation, right? Here are (were) the nominees in the most important categories:

SHOWS
The slowdown of attending shows was inevitable, moving to suburbia and all. But in 2011 we had a nice mix of city and suburb musical action:

Les Miserables, Feb 25, Cadillac Palace Theatre
Robert Plant, June 16, Ravinia
Gin Blossoms, July 1, Arlington Heights (Frontier Days Festival)
The Jayhawks, July 2, Grant Park (Taste of Chicago)
Dave Matthews Band Caravan, July 10, Lakeshore (the old US Steel plant on the South Side)
Old 97's, July 20, Lincoln Hall
Hold Steady, Aug. 26, Metro
John Hiatt/Big Head Todd and Monsters, Sept. 11, Ravinia
Scott Miller, Nov. 9, Schubas
Paul Simon, Nov. 13, Rosemont Theatre
Wilco, Dec. 22, Civic Opera House

Les Miz was a bit of a disappointment: it's still an epic musical experience of course, but the revamped version lost the turntable and a little magic or wonder along with it. Plant had so many amazing musicians on stage with him, bringing to life his solo work and re-imagining old Zep tunes so well you sometimes didn't recognize them until the first or second lyric.

The Gins sleptwalked through a sorta-greatest hits set, and if that lead singer asked me to put my hands together one more time I was about ready to charge the stage and ask him and his band to actually put some effort into the show. We saw the Jayhawks twice in about a month, and as much as I wanted to like the reformed Louris-Olson lineup ... the new songs just put me to sleep.

The Caravan was a great musical experience, but the festival planners have some learning to do if they put the show on next summer. Too few restrooms and water stations, and wood chips do not replace grass for a festival space.

The 97's were fine; what I'll remember most is seeing that venue for the first time, and stepping out at 10pm to take an urgent work call while kinda buzzed. (This is why I don't say where I work or what I do.) Similarly, The Steady was a nice show, but they still miss Franz. Hiatt was reliable, but Todd Park Mohr stole the show with a stunning version of "America the Beautiful." Miller was great of course, looking clean-cut and rejuvenated. Paul Simon looked great for being 70, and delivered a wonderful night of his bouncy, African-tinged pop.

The Wilco show was a bit of a downer. First of all, the Civic Operat House is an amazing venue, but not for a rock show. The sightlines were blocked if anyone leaned forward, which of course rock fans are going to do. And the band was trying so hard to show off their new tricks in the first half, it nearly spoiled an otherwise good second half. And of course it's hard to complain about the encore: "Cruel to Be Kind," with opener Nick Lowe; "You Are Not Alone," with Tweedy friend and gospel legend Mavis Staples); "The Weight" with Staples and Lowe.

RECORDS
The Muppets, Green Album
Jayhawks, Mockingbird Time
R.E.M., Collapse Into Now
Baseball Project, Broadside Ballads
XRT, Live From the Archives, Vol. 13
Various, The Bridge School Concerts 25th Anniversary Edition
Adele, 21
Old 97's, Grand Theatre Vol. 2
Wilco, The Whole Love
Civil Wars, Barton Hollow
She and Him, A Very She and Him Christmas
Fleet Foxes, Helplessness Blues

If I would have paid closer attention, "Helplessness Blues" might have won Best Album. It is a deep, warm, engaging record you can put on while sipping hot tea or curled up under a blanket. It is funny that my first experience with Fleet Foxes, not only was I not impressed but I called them "Fiery Foxes" since the Fiery Furnaces were also on the bill.

Adele had an awesome single, of course, but the rest of the album was C+. I hope the songwriting improves on the next record to match the quality of her voice. The Civil Wars had a nice debut that placed them firmly in that folky, alt-country groove.Wilco didn't impress me ... it is such a cliche, but I really do prefer their earlier work.

SPORTS
Cubs-don't care (Second Game Of The Year), April 2
Toledo Mud Hens rainout, May 28
Cubs-Sox, July 3
Kane County Cougars-Cedar Rapids, July 29
Notre Dame vs. Michigan State, Sept. 17
Notre Dame vs. Air Force Academy, Oct. 8
Ohio vs. Ball State (Homecoming), Oct. 13

It was great to see the Irish win two home games. On the flip side, I have yet to see the Bobcats win in person. Including our homecoming road trip, I've now seen four Ohio losses in four states in four tries.

TRAVELS
Caribbean Cruise, Jan. 23-30
Washington DC, March 25-27
Frrr Wedding in Des Moines, May 20-22
Ohio U., Oct. 13-16
Boston, Oct. 28-30
Phoenix, Thanksgiving
Ohio, Christmas
Los Angeles, Dec. 6-7

We were lucky to take several neat trips this (last) year. It's safe to say the cruise was the highlight. We had each been on a cruise before, but not with each other.

OTHER COOL DATES
Easter Vigil, April 23.
Chicago River Cleanup with Leinenkugels, May 14
Mort visit, June 9-12
Arlington Park, July 9

I can't believe that Easter is coming up. We have so many good memories of the RCIA journey last year. We had a great visit from the Morts, and I suspect we'll have many more visitors in 2012!

P6 2011: Final Standings

A week ago tonight, Alabama defeated Louisiana State to win college football's national championship. Due to extenuating circumstances (ie, work was nuts, I needed to write the Best Of, and we're about to have a kid), I'm only getting to posting the final update now. (The top two finishers were informed Tuesday morning, as soon as I ran the numbers after the final AP poll was posted.) We've reached the end of four months of clever names and silly pictures; let's see how it all finished up.

Biggest movers: Generally, not a lot happens between the end of the regular season and the ranking after the bowl games. It takes a major collapse to fall very far, like losing 70-33 to the champion of the weakest of the six major conferences. Of course, no Pick Sixer had Clemson, so that drop didn't affect the game. Among involved teams, West Virginia (+6) was the beneficiary of that Clemson beatdown, and Oklahoma moved up 3 after beating Iowa (as they should have, Iowa did not belong in that game, thanks a lot Pennsylvania State for screwing up the Big Ten's bowl lineup). Nosedivers: Virginia Tech, -4 after losing to the luckiest Michigan team in decades; Kansas State, -4 after losing the Cotton Bowl to a very good Arkansas squad, and a couple of red-clad -3s (Nebraska and Stanford).

Biggest gainer: Even though I just said most teams didn't move very much, three players managed to finangle a 10-point jump off those gainers: "QBKatt" and "Takin' that Pick 6 to the House!" (the only two players with identical picksets) plus "A Burfict Ten."

And now, your winner:

"Sidney" entered the final poll with a five-point lead on "HORRIBLE Dog." Both had Stanford and Southern Cal, so it really came down to the Big Ten vs. SEC Showdowns in Groups C and D: South Carolina or Wisconsin, and Outback Bowl combatants Michigan State vs. Georgia. Unfortunately for the dog, her two lost and Sidney's two won, allowing the lead to widen to eight points.

Congratulations to Sidney, winner of the 2008 Volunteer license plate, officially issued by the Tennessee Department of Revenue. Here's what this year's version looks like. And congrats to HORRIBLE Dog, winner of the Tennessee Volunteers coozie, which she no doubt will urinate on. The top scoring kitty is "The Boonster," ninth overall, which is a great comeback story after he didn't do so well last year (dead last). The top scoring child is "The Bobcat," seventh overall, who visited us this summer and loved meeting our (at the time only) kitty and who also jams a mean blues harp.

Quigley gets ready to say goodbye to the prize he won last year, and has no use for.

As always, you can check out the standings here. I color coded the sheet so you can see how your teams did in the bowl. Green is a win, red a loss, and black means that either they didn't make a bowl or they are on NCAA probation for providing impermissible benefits to star running back Reggie Bush. If you want to see how your team did over the season, just click the other tab called "Points."

I just want to say thank you to all the babies, children, cats, adults, and yes, even the dogs who played the game this year. It was a lot of fun to talk with you through the season. I hope you heed the call when the email goes out in August to pick six more teams.

BEST OF MPF 2011

BEST DAY: July 1, the day we got medical confirmation that we are pregnant with our first child (due late February). Runner-up: Six days earlier, on June 25, we adopted a kitten named Franklin.

BEST ALBUM: The two-disc compilation “The Bridge School Concerts 25th Anniversary Edition.”

BEST SONG: “Rolling in the Deep” by Adele. Runner-up: “Discoverer” by R.E.M.

WORST TITLE FOR AN OTHERWISE DECENT SONG: “Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall” by Coldplay.

BEST CONCERT: Robert Plant at Ravinia (June 16). Runners-up: The Hold Steady at the Metro (Aug. 25), Scott Miller at Schubas (Nov. 9).

NOT BEST DAY OR BEST CONCERT SO I GUESS IT GETS ITS OWN CATEGORY: The Dave Matthews Band Caravan (July 10), a daylong music festival at the old US Steel site on the South Side’s lakeshore. We saw Emmylou Harris, the Jayhawks, Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings, David Gray, Flaming Lips and DMB.

BEST PICTURE: Keeping with the theme of new additions, I think I’ll go with these two:

The 20-week ultrasound.

Franklin's first day home.

BEST OPENING ACT: Nick Lowe (for Wilco, Dec. 12 at the Civic Opera House). Runner-up: Big Head Todd and the Monsters (for John Hiatt at Ravinia).

BEST COVER: I saw many cool versions this year, but the winner is the Flaming Lips doing Pink Floyd's “Dark Side of the Moon” at DMB Caravan. Runners-up include “Secret Agent Man” by the Gin Blossoms (Frontier Days in Arlington Heights, July 1) and Big Head Todd and the Monsters’ "America the Beautiful" (Ravinia, on the 10th anniversary of Sept. 11).

The magical weirdness of the Flaming Lips. (click to see detail)

BEST NEW VENUE: We finally saw a show at Lincoln Hall (Old 97’s, July 20) and enjoyed the intimate space with great sightlines.

BEST VACATION/BEST WAY TO WATCH A BEARS GAME: Our Caribbean cruise/the big screen by the pool deck, wearing shorts in winter (Jan. 23-30).

BEST AD: I don't always watch commercials. But when I do, I prefer the Most Interesting Man in the World (Dos Equis).

I actually saw this one before it was released, as part of focus group testing. The cat on the table was my favorite part.

WORST AD: I covered my ears when I heard the incessant earworms of State Farm’s “get to a better state” radio jingles. I also hated AT&T’s “that’s so 12 seconds ago” ads.

BEST MOVIE: True Grit, directed by Joel and Ethan Coen (released in late 2010, saw in the theatre early 2011).

BEST TV SHOW: Louie (FX). I didn’t watch a lot of TV beyond sports and news, but this was incredibly funny and honest.

MOST FUN DURING THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON: The Pick Six game I managed. Last year we had about 12 people, this year we had more than 50.

BEST CUBS GAME: My first ever Cubs-Sox game was in the midst of a Cubbie losing streak, but the North Siders got the win (July 3).

BEST NOTRE DAME GAME: After an 0-2 start, the Irish steamrolled Michigan State 31-13 (Sept. 17).

BEST ROAD TRIP: Many good nominees here, but I’ll go with my first trip to Ohio University in Athens, Ohio (Oct. 14-16). The football team lost the Homecoming game, but I really enjoyed seeing the campus.

Franklin's original ad from the adoption agency.

WORST THING ABOUT THERE NOT BEING A DOUBLE-A BASEBALL TEAM AROUND HERE: We could have completed the grand slam, as we went to major league (Cubs, twice), Class AAA (Toledo, May 28, although it turned into a rainout) and Class A games (Kane County Cougars, July 29).

BEST T-SHIRT: The one that said "National Sarcasm Society" and below in smaller letters "Yeah, like we really need your support." (spotted on Randolph Street near Wells)

BEST PLAY: The Les Miserables revival we saw (Cadillac Palace, Feb. 25) was neat and all, but did match lofty expecations, so I’m giving it to a small play we saw in Boston called “Or,” (Lyric Stage Company, Oct. 29).

WE’LL MISS: Rock band R.E.M., who called it quits after a 31-year career on Sept. 23.

We are looking forward to an exciting new adventure in the new year. May God’s blessings be on you and your family in 2012.

P6 2011: A Programming Note

Attention Pick Sixers: the final game of the season is Monday night. The final AP poll will be released Tuesday morning. Ideally I would crank the numbers in the morning and get the results posted. However I will be working out of town on Tuesday, so I'll strive to get the final numbers up as quickly as possible.

This probably only affects Sidney and HORRIBLE Dog, as the rest of you can probably wait a day to see howe it all finished up. But I don't want you all thinking I'm asleep at the wheel.

Enjoy the last college football game for eight months. This shall be the first and last time I say this on the blog or ever: Roll Tide.  

Be Sure To Get Your Money's Worth

We drove home from Ohio on Tuesday, buzzing through the lake effect snow of northern Indiana with minimal breaks. We made it in plenty of time to watch the first bowl game of the day, the Pizza Pizza Bowl. During a commercial for the second game (the Belk Bowl), I said, hey, we'll get to find out what a "Belk" is! TM chuckled and said she thought it might be a department store.

But the point stuck with me: what the hell is a Belk? And why do they sponsor a bowl game?

Sponsoring a bowl game probably costs a lot of money. (And if it doesn't, get ready for the TMMPF Bowl in December 2012!) A company should expect to get its money worth by getting its name in front of hundreds of thousands watching at home nationwide. And some of these companies are wasting their money by putting their name on something that just confuses the hell out of their target audience (me and other football fans).

The drive home from Ohio. Once again cute Franklin (and Quigley) makes an appearance in a post that has nothing to do with kitties.

So with TM's encouragement I decided to rate all the bowls by the wisdom of their sponsporships. The actual bowl name, when applicable, is in parentheses.

BEST:
Tostitos (Fiesta)
AT&T (Cotton)
Discover (Orange)
Capital One
Allstate (BCS National Championship, Sugar)
Hyundai (Sun)
Chick-fil-A
Outback
AutoZone (Liberty)

These are the smartest of the 34 sponsors (there are 35 bowl games; Allstate has two). At the top of the list are broad, nationally recognized names that consumers use or see nearly every day: tortilla chips, credit cards, insurance, telecommunications, cars, restaurants. AutoZone is at the bottom of the first tier because while it is a nationally known chain, it does not have the name recognition or frequency of Outback Steakhouse or AT&T. And while I hate hate HATE the Capital One ads, I must acknowledge it is logical for them to get their name on a bowl.

GOOD:
Meineke Car Care
Champs Sports
New Era (Pinstripe)
Vizio (Rose)
Sheraton (Hawaii)

The next tier contains solid names that align with the demographic: a lesser known sports bar chain (Ed: Champps is a sports bar. Champs Sports sells athletic gear. That just proves my point), a ballcap maker, a TV maker, a hotel chain. Vizio should maybe be lower because I don't know if people know what Vizio is (I think it's a software for making flow charts) but at least they are trying to get in front of guys who buy TVs. Same for sports bars clothing and ballcaps. And if you're wondering why AutoZone gets the top rank and Meineke does not, it is because they are intentionally confusing me the fan by moving their bowl almost 1,000 miles but keeping the same name.

And whatever happened to George Foreman ads in the Meineke bowl?

MEDIUM:
Beef 'O' Brady's (St. Petersburg)
Little Caesars Pizza
Valero (Alamo)
MAACO (Las Vegas)
TicketCity

We're starting to get into questionable territory here. Little Ceasars should be higher ... after all, they are a well-known brand with a product people eat all the time. But they insist on calling it the "Little Caesars Pizza Bowl" which sounds like a disgusting product on their menu. I can only imagine the marketing executive working with his kitchen guys on creating a pizza bowl. (TM and I envision a bowl of crust, like a bread-bowl for soup, with all the ingredients piled in ... essentially, an open-faced calzone, but again, we do NOT want to see this come to market.)

This shitty idea has happened before, people. Let's not have it happen again.

Valero (gasoline) and Ticket City (online ticket reseller) are trying to get their names out there. At least Ticket City had the sense to not slap a "dotcom" at the end of their name. Beef "O" Brady should be punished on the simple grounds of having a stupid name, but at least I think they are more national than regional. And Maaco? Does anyone my age or younger remember "Uh oh, better call Maaco?" More to the point: there are still Maacos in business?

MEDIUM-STUPID:
Taxslayer.com (Gator)
GoDaddy.com
Kraft Fight Hunger
Insight
Famous Idaho Potato

We're into borderline stupid territory. Only the more blatantly stupid transgressors of the next category make these guys look halfway decent by comparison:

First up are Taxslayer.com and GoDaddy.com. With Taxslayer, I can guess at the purpose: tax prep. And, yes, it is tax prep season, so this kind of makes sense. However, in a world with H&R Block and Jackson Hewitt and Turbo Tax, I am not going to trust my finances to a website that makes me think of knights and dragons. As for Godaddy.com: how many people are ever going to register a website domain, and how many of them are too dumb to go to Network Solutions?

Famous Idaho Potato: The best line I read leading up to this game was, someone asked "is the potato famous, or the bowl game?" As for Insight: I am in favor of intangible concepts, as long as they are patriotic like Independence or Liberty. I don't have a clue why I should feel perceptive or clever during a bowl game.

A Kraft Foods bowl: I'd buy that. A bowl that slaps Kraft's name onto a verb and noun? No.

STUPID:
San Diego County Credit Union (Poinsettia)
Franklin American Mortgage (Music City)
Northrop-Grumann (Military)
R & L Carriers (New Orleans)
Bridgepoint Education (Holiday)
Bell Helicopter (Armed Forces)

These are stupid for two reasons: usage and geography. When was the last time you bought a helicopter? How about a spy satellite? Or hired a trucking company (not a moving company) to transport shipments across country? Your average viewer doesn't give a shit about these three because it's not relevant to daily life.

Franklin American, while having a kitty-friendly and patriotic name, is stupid for the same reason the financial companies are at the top of the list: what is the point of this bowl if I can't find or walk into a Franklin American branch? And doesn't the housing market suck right now? And how do I find a Bridgeport Education? Do I have to go to the Bridgeport neighborhood of Chicago? Isn't that inconvenient for everyone in America? (Even when I lived in Wrigleyville I wouldn't go to Bridgeport for anything.) (Okay, the fact that I thought it was called Bridgeport, not Bridgepoint, should be enough for them to reassess their name recognition.)

And to the San Diego County Credit Union: I love football. But I can't be a customer of yours. Do you know why? Because I don't fricking live in San Diego! Just like almost EVERYONE ELSE IN THE COUNTRY watching your football game. Buy a billboard on I-5.

FLAT OUT CONFUSING:
AdvoCare V100 (Independence)
Gildan (New Mexico)
BBVA Compass
Belk

Can anyone say what or who AdvoCare V100 is? I will concede it sounds like a brand of gasoline. But do you know for sure? Shouldn't a gasoline COMPANY sponsor the bowl? It's not like CapOne has the "Platinum Credit Card" bowl or Outback has the "10 ounce New York Strip" bowl.

BBVA Compass: I was so puzzled I broke down and used Wikipedia to look it up.

Gildan and Belk: Well, we watched the bowl and TM was right, it's a Southern department store. Good for them ... does nothing for us customers in 34 of the 50 states where there isn't a Belk.

Now THIS is top-notch customer marketing. (click to read detail)

By the way, as I was going through the list, I realized there is no Papajohns.com Bowl anymore. This would have ranked between good and medium, because it is for a consumer product, but it's stupid to name a bowl after your website if you have a physical store or thing.

In conclusion: there are already too many bowls as it is. Let's lop off the bottom five or 10, since those sponsors are wasting their money. Ford, Verizon Wireless and JPMorgan Chase: come on down.