“It is important to let the people know about this record, and the best way is to play U2 nonstop (Tuesday),” said Adam Stevenson, president of the National Radio Directors Association (NRDA), in a press conference this morning. “I guess the Fray and Clapton and Sheryl Crow will have to wait until Wednesday.”
Lead singer Bono declares victory over all other bands.
The all-day assault has been dubbed “U2sday” by the NRDA and Interscope Records, the band’s record label.
“We’re very excited to play The Horizon Line, the latest five-star effort from U2,” mumbled Jeffery Walhlberg, program director for WHFD in Hartford, Conn., shuffling the papers in his hand.
“I don’t even see what the big deal is,” he continued. “They aren’t even American, they are from Dublin Irel—” before being physically dragged off the stage by a representative of Interscope.
“We recognize the outcome is a difficult one for many of our loyal listeners,” said Carolyne Dipesto, music director for alternative punk station WBZZ in Burlington, Vt. “However, it was best for the interests of the nation. Besides, these guys rock.”
Classic rock stations went a step further, announcing “U2-fer Tuesdays” on their stations.
“We’ll be here all day, playing rock blocks of your favorite … well, of U2 at least,” declared disc jockey Bobby Steele of K-Rock (KRQK-FM) in Wichita, Kans. “If you hear a one-fer of, ah, anybody, I guess, be the third caller on the Rock Line and you’ll win a prize from our Rock Vault. Probably a copy of that new U2 CD.”
In a related move, the nation’s four largest wireless carriers announced a gesture of solidarity with the FM radio stations. Sprint-Nextel, T-Mobile, Verizon Wireless and AT&T said that on Tuesday, all text messages with the words “you,” “ewe,” “too” or “to” must be rendered as the single character “U” or “2.”
Exempted from the pact were the nation’s AM radio operators. In a prepared statement, they said were happy to provide a safe haven for America's radio listeners from the U2 onslaught, and that they would have traffic and weather together next after a word from their sponsors.