Cubs 7, Brewers 6

I'm a few days behind on posting this scorecard from Wednesday's Game #2, an annual tradition here at TMMPF Co. For the uninitiated, we go to the second home game of the year, because it's just as cold and you still get the magnet schedule, but tickets are a lot cheaper.

Randy Wells pitched a pretty good game, until he hit a patch of trouble and Pinella brought in a series of random unknown relievers (Berg? Russell? Gray? who the hell are these guys?) who gave up one in the seventh (technically Wells' ER) and two in the eighth.

You might think, with the Cubs down 6-3 heading into the bottom of the eighth, "I've seen this movie before." But there's one factor you did not take into account: Letroy Suckins. Check out the Cubs' eighth to see why Cub fans still detest this guy, and the great schadenfreude we take in the misery he brings upon whatever team employs him (in 2010, that's the Brewers). (click to embiggen)


For some reason, this scorecard had plenty of good notes (clockwise starting at left):
* Derrek Lee was out of the game (day-to-day) after a thumb injury, so Xavier Nady played first.
* Attendance: for some reason they didn't announce the attendance in the eighth like normal. But it was packed, as you'd expect on an unseasonably warm April day.
* "E on Soriano": yeah, it happens.
* side wagers: I won for the 4-6-3 double play. Winner's Pick: Old Style.
* "W.W.t.N.?" obviously stands for "who watches the nachos?" which was the prize for the X-2 wager which (won by TM).
* "chick tossed during key play." During a crucial moment in the bottom of the eighth, as the Cubs were rallying, a drunk chick decided to mouth off to the mouthy Packer fans over our right shoulder. She caught the attention of security who decided her day was done. Right when the Cubs did something good (not sure if it was a walk or a hit), she raised her hands to the crowd, as if to say 'so long.' The crowd cheered the action on the field, and she strutted off like a queen, assuming that her fellow drunks were applauding her defending Cub pride against the Cheeseheads.
* Ivan DeJesus is the 1st base coach this year. Mike Quade is still at third.


More notes (clockwise starting at upper left):
* Ken Macha is the manager. Not sure why I felt compelled to jot that.
* Jokes, One-Liners and Santoisms: I added a new wager this year, guessing whether the first double-play would occur in the 1st/3rd/5th/7th or 2nd/4th/6th/8th. I won.
* We saw Bill Fitzgerald, proprietor of the excellent eponymous nightclub in Berwyn, in the fourth inning. We figured he thought, what the hell, it's a day game, I'm the boss, I'm going to the ballgame.
* this game saw three infield hits. Not impossible, but not real common either.
* in the fifth, Marlon Byrd made an awesome throw to cut down ex-Met Carlos Gomez trying to go from first to third. And yet three plays later, Suckyano misplayed a ball to allow at least one run to score. (One of our friends, Beth--Iowa Beth not D.C. Beth--said on Easter Sunday that she sure hopes this is the year she can stop hating Soriano. My feeling during this game, and last night's failure to leg out a hit: "Not this year.")
* TM flipped through her scorebook and realized that the Plain White T's sang the stretch the last time we were at Wrigley, in addition to the Mets game. What, was Bill Murray not available?
Here's the official MLB boxscore. 83F, want the original scorecard?

Quigley Honors Alex Chilton

Because he's our Big Star ...


...and he's in the Box Top(s).


Pitchfork looks back here. (lots of great audio and video clips at that link)

Paul Westerberg remembers here.

BPK2010: The Results

Eight mostly exciting games are in the books, and that means it's time to look at the results from the Bracket Pickin' Kitties.

This year for the first time, we invited Priscilla Pufferson, cat-in-residence at friendly blog Here's What's Happening to play along. Click the link in the table below to read the post with the cat's original picks.

Sweet 16: Man vs. Wild(cat)(s)

Matchup	Priscilla Pick	Quigley Pick	Actual Winner
Northern Iowa vs. Michigan State	Northern Iowa	Northern Iowa	Michigan State
Tennessee vs. Ohio State	Ohio State	Ohio State	Tennessee
Syracuse vs. Butler	Butler	Syracuse	Butler
Kansas State vs. Xavier	Kansas State	Kansas State	Kansas State
Kentucky vs. Cornell	Kentucky	Kentucky	Kentucky
Washington vs. West Virginia	Washington	West Virginia	West Virginia
Baylor vs. St. Mary’s	St. Mary’s	Baylor	Baylor
Duke vs. Purdue	Purdue	Purdue	Duke

MPF: (MSU, OSU, Cuse, K-St, Ky, W.Va, Baylor, Duke): 6 of 8. Quigley: 4 of 8. Priscilla: 3 of 8. In a year of a chaos and upsets, I pull out another victory over housecats with no knowledge of sports or the world in general outside their comfortable abodes. Priscilla made a good showing for a rookie and correctly got Baylor vs. K-State. But in the paw-to-paw combat, Quigley wins by a whisker.

Thanks for playing, Priscilla! Enjoy the games everyone. $30 and beer is still on the line, so we'll be watching the games carefully over here.

BPK2010: Pickin' With a Twist

We talkin about brackets. Brackets! Not the game. Not the game. Not the game. We talkin about brackets.

For the past two years, Quigley has shown off his knowledge of intercollegiate athletics by picking teams in the Sweet 16 round of the NCAA Tournament.

In 2008, the Bracket Pickin' Kitty (BPK) and his deep mystic eyes predicted major victories for Wildcats, Tigers, Cougars and other brothers from the feline family. Despite my higher-functioning brain I only beat the cat by one point.

In 2009, he reprised his anti-bird, pro-cat philosophy which led to five wins out of eight games ... tying the human in the house who went on to win a pool against other humans.

So what about Year Three of this annual tradition? Luckily, we do not have a monopoly on the holy trinity of cat, blog and brackets here in the upper Midwest. Our friends (and fellow married bloggers) Here's What's Happening and Another Damned Blogger recently adopted a cat! And since Kelly got talked into the brackets last year, and they've got the blog and all.....

CAT FIGHT!

Yes, Quigley has thrown down the wiffle ball, emboldened by his recent successes, and challenged Priscilla Pufferson of Madison, Wisconsin, to a Bracket Pickin' Kitty showdown.

The rules, as they were:

1. Each cat will pick the 8 games of the round of 16. One point per correct pick.
2. Each cat must have a reason for picking the specific team in each game. Being cats, the reason may be as flimsy as a yawn, a lack of interest, a designated chew toy, or some other method.
3. Each cat must make their own picks without looking at the other cat's picks for inspiration. (There's an honor code among BPKs you know.)
4. Yyyyeah, I think that's about it for rules.

Priscilla reads Yahoo! Sports to determine the latest on the injury to Syracuse center Arinze Onuaku.

And, of course, since it was originally Quigley vs. me, I'll offer my game analysis as well. (Although I get the feeling I'm gonna get upstaged by a couple of indifferent housecats.) Reminder that I'll use the logo/picture if I've already got it, otherwise I will improvise. Because I am lazy. Like a cat. (do not click this link at work, unless you have headphones and/or work alone)

First up, the reigning champion (by default): Quigley B. Katt!

Northern Iowa
vs.
Michigan State

MPF says: I've always been a fan of UNI, if only because my parents met there so if there was no UNI there would be no me. However, even the most diehard fan has to admit this is a huge challenge, even with Kalin Lucas out.

Quigley says: UNI is Panthers. Michigan State has the guy with the gigantic head. Kitties, please: Panthers!

Tennessee
vs.
Ohio State

MPF says: I've been impressed with how Ohio State finished the season and expect a close victory. However, Tennessee has been strong too, and vanquished the Ohio University with little trouble.

Quigley says: Buckeyes. Volunteers. Volunteers for what? I have cousin kitties in Ohio, and I'm sticking with my cousins: Buckeyes.

Bonus picture: Four guys from Illinois who went to the University of Iowa, spelling "Ohio."

Syracuse

vs.
Butler
Hey Bulldog.

MPF says: Butler has had a nice little mid-major run, but if the Cuse plays the way they are capable, that run should end here.

Quigley says: Butler Bulldogs? No way. Orange guy? I bet that orange guy rolls ... which means he can be chased. Orangemen.

Xavier
Xavier apparently made the Sweet 16 the first time I did BPK. Who knew?

vs.
Kansas State
K-State is in Manhattan, Kansas, aka the "Little Apple." Getit getit??

MPF says: I had K-State losing here to Pittsburgh. Xavier was impressive in knocking out Pitt, but while I don't believe in K-State as a team, I also don't believe the Musketeers are the right type of team to beat the Wildcats.

Quigley says: Did you say Wildcats? Purr. I don't even care about the other thing: Wildcats.

Kentucky
Wildcats = Wildcats.

vs.
Cornell
Cornell is the Big Red. This blob is actually called Big Red.

MPF says: Nice run Cornell, congrats on taking out the Badgers. Now then: I can't imagine this game will be close.

Quigley says: More Wildcats? (rub rub purr purr) I pick Wildcats.

Washington


vs.
West Virginia

MPF says: As much as we like to make fun of Bobby Thuggins, he does have a great team this year. Watching them power through the Big East conference made me a believer.

Quigley says: Washington is Huskies. That's a dog. I don't know about the bearded guy with the gun ... maybe it is to protect us from dogs? Mountaineers.

Bonus W.F'n Va. pic (for The Scott Miller and copy editors).

Baylor

Baylor is a Baptist school. I'm sure they appreciate Jesus riding a dinosaur.

vs.
St. Mary's
I really have no idea WTF St. Mary's is doing in the Sweet 16.

MPF says: St. Mary's is the Gonzaga for this decade, the small Catholic school from somewhere out West making deep runs into the tourney. I think Baylor is too strong, however.

Quigley says: Baylor is Bears....big furry animals. Awesome. St. Mary's is a girl's school across the street from Notre Dame. How the furry bleep did a bunch of girls make the Sweet 16? Chicago kitty says: Da Bears.

Duke
Duck.

vs.
Purdue
Dwum.

MPF says: I figured Purdue would be running on fumes without Robbie Hummel, but they've had a nice couple of games. However, Duke looks incredibly strong. I can't see Duke falling here.

Quigley says: Duke Blue Devils. Purdue Boilermakers. No cat mascot. This is crap. (This was the last game he picked. At this point he literally crawled under the covers of the bed. I think he nodded though when I said "Purdue" so I'm gonna go with that.)


Allright, there you have it! Stay tuned after the weekend games for results, and be sure to check out Here's What's Happening for Priscilla's batch o' picks. Enjoy the games!

Very tired after a long 5 minutes of picking.

1000 Words: Ohio vs. Georgetown

There are many things to say about 14-seed Ohio's win over 3-seed Georgetown. But in the spirit of 1000 Words, I'll let the pictures do the talking:

Ohio dominated this game from beginning to end. This was not a nail biter or a buzzer beater. It was not expected, to be sure, but this was no fluke. To paraphrase the president*, "We came here to kick some Hoya butt!!"

Up next: Oh yeah. You knew this rematch might happen.


* look closely at his nametag.

Curling is Crack

It's true. MPF and I are addicted to curling.

I thought our fascination was an anomaly but apparently tons of people are jumping on the curling bandwagon.

Perhaps this explains why:



In all seriousness... did you see that Canada vs Great Britain match on Saturday night? I have four words for you.

Could. Not. Stop. Watching.

Curling sucks you in. It's like shuffle board on ice, only they play "ends" which are kind of like innings (but there are 10, not 9) and having a "hammer" is a good thing. It seems like there are a bazillion rules in curling... but I can't explain one. Yet I've been glued to the television all week watching a sport I don't understand...

Anyway, curling is even going mainstream:



Now please excuse me, if I log off now I think I can still catch the end of the 9th in the Canada/Sweden women's match...

Heads Up! Olympics Incoming!

Olympic years are easy to remember: same as presidential election years and leap years. But even though we aren't voting any presidents and this February has 28 days like the rest of 'em, there's apparently an Olympics coming up. I know, it's a good thing you and I read the blog to keep up on this stuff.

Also unbelievably, I was watching NBC Nightly News (the Diane Sawyer version of World News Tonight just isn't working for me) and not-Tom-Brokaw-anymore guy was talking about Canadians. So I guess the Canadians got the Olympics, so prepare yourself for lots of talk about Canadians.

Ever vigilant, facing north.

Which is why this is the perfect time to revisit the ultimate guide for Canadian identification, TMMPF's How to Tell Someone Is a Canadian. Brush up people!

My favorite song from the Massey Hall show.

Ours!

Good news! As of yesterday, Bank of America officially owns ZERO PERCENT of this automobile:


It is fully paid off, and it is now all ours. (use your "Price is Right" voices for this next part...)

Bob: Rod, tell them what they've won!
Rod Roddy: ... A BRAND NEW PAID OFF CAR!!

Everybody celebrate!!

200

For the five or six people left on earth I haven't told yet: Bowling started last week. I had a pretty good series, and a really good second game. (click to see bigger)


Considering the first game I threw a 99, that's a 101-pin improvement in back-to-back games. Wonder if that's some sort of league record.

Bowling

Our bowling league starts tonight. I assume it'll look a lot like this:

And it'll sound a lot like this (warning: NSFW. Use headphones.)

Hopefully my teammates won't do this:

Yes, the "sports" tag assumes that bowling is a sport. Game on!!

BEST OF MPF 2009

BEST DAY: The Hold Steady show at Taste of Randolph was pretty damn cool (June 21).

WORST DAY: (tie) The 165 days I spent unemployed and looking for work (Jan 1 – June 14).

BEST STORY INVOLVING A CAT: Our friend Sarah adopted a cat. I facilitated as sounding board and driver (June 6).

A LOLCat of Sarah's Booni.

BEST SHOW: The Hold Steady at Taste of Randolph.

BEST SONG: For its relentless optimism and joy in a dire year, the winner is “Say Hey I Love You” by Michael Franti and Spearhead. Runner-ups: “Wilco (the song)” by Wilco (the band); “Use Somebody” by Kings of Leon.

BEST RECORD: “Wilco (the album)” by Wilco (the band).

BEST ARTIST: In a quiet year musically, I'll give it to Wilco, for continuing to make challenging, exciting music.

BEST PICTURE: This one (taken July 31). It’s so good it’s on a mousepad somewhere in New Hampshire.

This is a good runner-up, from the same night:


BEST MOVIE: "State of Play."

FUNNIEST MOVIE: "The Hangover."

BEST USE OF HALL AND OATES IN A MOVIE: The high-five scene in “500 Days of Summer."

WORST MOVIE SPELLING: "Inglorious Bastards."

BEST CULT FILM: "The Room" (2003), the “Rocky Horror” for its decade, which I saw at the Music Box (July 25).

BEST, WEIRDEST, MOST FASCINATING AND FRUSTRATING TV SHOW: Lost.

BEST ATTEMPT TO HELP PEOPLE DURING UNEMPLOYMENT: I started a group for out of work people to attend Mass at St. Alphonsus on Thursday mornings, then meet afterwards for coffee, donuts and conversation.

MOST UNDER-REPORTED STORY: Did Michael Jackson like, die or something this summer? Shouldn’t the news media have, you know, done a story or something about it?

BEST EXAMPLE OF BEING WHERE THE NEWS IS: I was in Boston this summer when the nation’s two biggest stories were Manny Ramirez linked to steroids and the “beer summit” between the Cambridge cop, Harvard professor, and President Obama (July 30-August 1).

BEST TWO-DOLLAR GUITAR: The fake Fender Stratocaster I won playing the ring toss game at Cedar Point amusement park in Sandusky, Ohio (June 26).

BIGGEST IRONY: A plastic, image-conscious country band (Rascal Flats) covering the Beatles’ "Revolution" in a major-league baseball park (Wrigley Field) on a tour sponsored by a national department store (JCPenney's).

BEST STREET FEST: Wicker Park Fest (July 25). Awesome swag and a great set by Scott Miller, which a conversation afterwards led to …

BEST ROAD TRIP: We went to Knoxville, Tenn., to see TM’s alma mater Ohio play the Volunteers at Neyland Stadium, where Miller was our host and tour guide (Sept. 25-27).

WORST TREND: Adults voluntarily sacrificing their privacy on Internet websites like the Facebook and the Twitter.

BEST TEAM: Iowa football. They started 9-0 and finished 11-2 with an Orange Bowl win and #7 in the country.

BEST GAME: Notre Dame edged Michigan State, 33-30, with victory being secured by an interception as MSU was driving in the final minute (Sept. 19).

BEST DINING EXPERIENCE: Spring restaurant (Oct. 30). Runner-up: Chelsea Grill in Lincoln Square.

BEST AD: The Sarah McLachlan PSA for adopting animals was devastatingly effective. Runner-ups: Wendell the Miller High Life guy meets the High Life Light guy; Notre Dame’s “Fighting” campaign including Fighting Disease.

The ASPCA ad is too sad. Enjoy this one instead.

WORST AD: Subway’s 12-inch sandwiches for five bucks. Repetitive and annoying. I set foot in Subway once in 2009, and that was to get soup.

WORST ADVERTISING TREND: Words printed on the screen while being read. Are Americans that stupid that we now have to read our TV commercials?

BEST PC TECH: Jeff at PC Solutions. I had to go there three times in 2009, and each time he solved my problem perfectly.

WE’LL MISS YOU: Walter Cronkite, 92, newsman extraordinaire (on July 17); Jay Bennett, 45, musician extraordinaire (on May 24).


Most of you know this is my annual summation of the year passed, my own spin on the traditional Christmas letter. Let's hope 2010 treats you better than 2009, if the letters we received are any indication. God bless you and your family in the coming year.

Best of MPF 2009: The Nominees

Dudes and dudettes:

It's that time of the year, when the people who actually give a shit (this time around: Husker Larry, Erik, Igoe and Clam) ask when they are going to see the Best of MPF list.

Just as a general reminder: The Best of MPF list is released in mid-January, not early December like most year-end lists in magazines, because I feel you cannot evaluate something while in the midst of it. Time is necessary to separate yourself from that which you are trying to assess, so I take a couple weeks in the new year to evaluate the passed year.

Luckily, you dear reader, are close to the release of the Best Of list (just give me a day or two). As a reward for being a loyal reader (or a Buckeye fan who googled "Terrelle Pryor") you'll have the chance to read the list before it is released to the general public. Think of it as a midnight record release party.

As is tradition (all one years of it), I'll pre-announce the candidates for the major categories: Best Show and Best Record. Now, I haven't had the chance to look at which records in the collection were 2009 and which were 2008, so I'm gonna have to leave that one as a mystery for my loyal fans. To make it up to you, I'll show you the nominees for a different category for the first time: Best Chicago Street Festival.

And the dudes nominated are.

For Best Show:

• Franz Nicolay (of the Hold Steady), Empty Bottle, 1/17
• Old 97s with Brighton MA, Cubby Bear, 5/2
• Ezra Furman and the Harpoons, Metronome Festival, 6/7
• Ramsey Lewis, Ravinia, 6/12
• Sarah Borges, Fitzgeralds, 6/13
• OAR and Robert Randolph Band, Charter One Pavilion, 6/18
• The Hold Steady, Taste of Randolph, 6/21
• Barenaked Ladies, Taste of Chicago, 6/30
• Buddy Guy, Taste of Chicago, 7/4
• Headbangers Ball, Rock Around the Block, 7/11
• Scott Miller, Wicker Park Fest, 7/25
• Baseball Project, Martyrs, 9/11
• Alejandro Escovedo and the Flatlanders, Country Music Fest, 10/6
• Wilco, UIC Pavilion, 10/18
• Chicago Symphony Orchestra, Orchestra Hall, 12/3
• Andrew Bird, Fourth Presbyterian Church, 12/17

For Best Sports Game:

• Cubs/Rockies, 4/15
• Cubs @ Detroit, 6/25
• Cubs/Braves, 7/7
• Cubs/Mets, 8/28
• Cubs (vs Milw?) in the bleachers, 9/17
• ND/Michigan State, 9/19
• Ohio/Tennessee, 9/26
• ND/Boston College, 10/24
• Pizza Pizza Bowl (Ohio/Marshall), 12/26

For Best Fest:

• Mayfest, 5/30 (it was surprisingly hot as hell that day)
• Metronome Chicago, 6/7
• Old Town Art Fair, 6/13 (caught the end of Dolly Varden’s set)
• Northcenter Ribfest, 6/14
• Taste of Chicago, multiple days
• Rock Around the Block, 6/11
• Sheffield Garden Walk, 6/18
• Wicker Park Fest, 7/25
• Palatine Fest, 8/30
• Chicago Country Music Fest, 10/4

Start the guessing! The full list to be released as soon as I get it done, I promise.

Pick Six: Final Standings

Well dudes, college football is over. It ended with a thud, like Oklahoma's season back in September, when Colt McCoy took a hit to the shoulder on the fifth play of the national championship game.

And with that, the end of the Pick Six competition. Hosted by the Blue-Gray Sky, it is super easy, so anyone can play (more on that at the end).

Before looking at the final results, let's see how we got to the end of the regular season (before I got demotivated and stopped the weekly updates).

Week 9: I had a nice lookin' week: Texas won big and moved up, so did Geo. Tech, so did Ohio State. BYU moved back into the Top 25. (Nebraska and UCLA are still MIA.) That was good for a pleasant little five-point bump. Unfortunately, TM's Gaytors went back into the No. 1 slot, plus she got a boost from The Ohio St, Cal and Oregon. Quigley had very little movement (how cat of him) so the standings are: TM 65, MPF 52, Quig 50.

Week 10: This was the week I made my big move. Ohio State (damn them), Georgia Tech, and BYU made nice jumps. Meanwhile, TM lost another team when Cal dropped out. The end result was we basically switched places: MPF 63, TM 53, Quigley 51.

Week 11: The only major move was Utah losing and dropping seven spots--bad for Quigley. I got a small bump from Georgia Tech, and that's about all to write home about. MPF 66, TM 57, Quigley 43.

Week 12: Not a lot of movement at this time of the year. Ole Miss moved back into the Top 25 on the strength of beating LSU. Same for Cal, beating Stanford. The Bayou Bengals paid for that loss to the tune of seven spots in the poll. Rutgers celebrated their debut in the poll by losing. I am proud of the fact that I have three Top Ten teams, but I guess all that means is I kept the two I picked, and added just one. Bottom line, the re-emergence of Cal helped TM add some points, but not enough to take the lead. MPF 67, TM 63, Quigley 42.

So now to the bowl games.

I had a pretty good bowl season. I picked one of the two national championship contenders, only because I couldn't stomach rooting for the other option all year long. Texas lost, but stayed No. 2 in the polls. Ohio State, BYU and Nebraska all won and moved up. Georgia Tech lost, but I'm OK with that. UCLA won its game but was a no-show all season. But with five teams in the top 15, I finished with a strong 84 points.

Tina's winners were Florida, Ohio State (over another Pick Six team ... bad luck), and Central Michigan. Cal lost, ND didn't play. She had four finishers for a respectable 62 points.

Quigley's top line was great with Texas, but his next three (Ole Miss, LSU, Utah) were disappointments this season. Ole Miss, Utah and Nebraska won, LSU lost to Penn State, and Rutgers couldn't translate their bowl win into a poll appearance. He finishes third with 59 points.

As I said, the game is easy to play, so back in August we told some friends about it. While looking at the list, I stumbled across a couple names that are friends of the blog (with pre-bowl points):

HuskersDu: 65
Mortimer: 54
BooniRhett: 64
Lawrence Phillips' Revenge: 57, and nothing I would want to be on the receiving end of

If one of those is you, let us know how you did in the bowls!

Finally, because Michigan sucks, here is Michigan Man Braylon Edwards dropping a touchdown pass last weekend, in all his animated-gif glory.

This, by the way, was on TEH INTERNETS about 10 minutes after the play happened. Must be a lot of Braylon fans out there.

2009 Bowls in Charts

Reading is hard. It takes time and concentration for your eyes and brain to process all those words into the information you want. Meanwhile, we have at our disposal charts and graphs: colorful pictures that tell you everything you need to know quickly, without all that thinking.

For those unwilling/uninterested to slog though the post where I covered every game of the bowl season, here it is in chart form: (click on chart to make big)


And with all our travel in the next three weeks, I bet you were wondering where exactly we'll be watching these games. The answer in chart form:


And now that the games have started, here my picks, along with the confidence points I assigned in the pick 'em games I'm playing:

Rutgers 9
Fresno State 8
So. Miss 4
Oregon State 7
Utah 12
Nevada 21
Southern Cal. 34
Pittsburgh 15
Ohio 27
Clemson 20
Georgia 19
Miami 10
UCLA 16
Nebraska 17
Missouri 18
Idaho 24
Virginia Tech 32
Minnesota 22
Stanford 13
Air Force 3
Florida 33
Ohio State 5
West Virginia 23
Penn State 2
Northwestern 1
Texas Tech 31
Arkansas 29
Mississippi 28
South Carolina 26
Northern Illinois 14
TCU 11
Iowa 30
Troy 25
Texas 6

MPF004 Handicaps the Bowls

Starting tomorrow, the bowl season begins. It is a nice wrap-up to the football season, even if the slate has gotten horribly bloated in the last few years. 34 bowls? 68 of 120 teams are going bowling this winter? Remember when being a "bowl team" mattered?

This expansion has a price--most of these games are going to be really boring. To save you the time and energy, I've graded out the bowl matchups so you know which ones are worth your time:

• Yawn
• Mild Interest
• Moderate Interest
• High Interest

with two additional categories:

• the Schadenfreude games
• the one I'll actually attend.

And I'll even give you a reason to watch, even the yawners.

YAWN: (N=15)

Dec. 19 New Mexico Wyoming (6-6) vs. Fresno State (8-4)
Reason to Watch: It's the first game of the season. Pat Hill has no fear, bordering on batshit insane (in other words, a 7 on the Zooker Scale).
MPF004 Sez: Go finish Christmas shopping.

(Notice how many of these damn bowls can't even come up with a decent title sponsor? No one in the entire Land of Enchantment wants to put their fricking name on the New Mexico Bowl? C'mon, it can't be that expensive. Dale's Bug Exterminator Bowl? Jimmy's Barber Shop? The carpet and tile store on 4th Street?)

Dec. 20 New Orleans Middle Tennessee State (9-3) vs. Southern Miss (7-5)
Reason to Watch: To find out who or what R Plus L Carriers is. You'll find out at the first commercial break, and then over, and over, and over...
MPF004 Sez: Middle Tennessee Tech Whatever beat the Turtles. Is that meaningful?

M.T.T.W. Fears Not the Turtle

Dec. 22 Maaco Las Vegas Oregon State (8-4) vs. BYU (10-2)Reason to Watch: This shapes up to be a fun matchup of strong offenses, which means a whole buncha touchdowns. And when two teams you don't give a shit about are playing before Christmas, you want to see a whole buncha touchdowns. Also: Pick Six points on the line.
MPF004 Sez: BYU, if only for the points.

Dec. 24 Hawaii Nevada (8-4) vs. SMU (7-5)
Reason to Watch: To see if anyone gives a crap this year since Jimmy Clausen and Notre Dame won't be in it (answer: no).
MPF004 Sez: Spend time with your family.

Dec. 27 Music City Kentucky (7-5) vs. Clemson (8-5)
Reason to Watch: C.J. Spiller is a pretty awesome running back. It's the only game on that night.
MPF004 Sez: See if there's an NFL game on.

I just know Steve, Andy and Jeremy are looking for a "bowling" reference. Here ya go.

Dec. 29 EagleBank UCLA (6-6) vs. Temple (9-3)
Reason to Watch: Pick Six points for UCLA. Okay, I know they won't make the Top 25 even with a blowout win. How about to see the inexplicable turnaround orchestrated by ex-Virginia failure Al Golden (as DC, not as head coach. That was Al Groh).
MPF004 Sez: Temple got kinda good in the MAC, but they aren't ready for the big time.

Dec. 30 Humanitarian Idaho (7-5) vs. Bowling Green (7-5)
Reason to Watch: None. This is the one played on the blue turf. Spare your eyeballs.
MPF004 Sez: Read a book.

Dec. 31 Armed Forces Air Force (7-5) vs. Houston (10-3)
Reason to Watch: Lotsa points, I guess. Houston bores me.
MPF004 Sez: Air Force, just out of spite for hearing all year how good Houston is when they are not.

Dec. 31 Texas Missouri (8-4) vs. Navy (8-4)
Reason to Watch: Bowls named after entire states tend to suck. This is no exception. I guess the reason to watch is Navy's triple option; it'll be a fun challenge to watch and good practice for scouting the Yellow Jackets in the Orange Bowl.
MPF004 Sez: Mizzou.

Jan. 1 Gator West Virginia (9-3) vs. Florida State (6-6)
Reason to Watch: Noel Devine running wild. He's a poor man's Reggie Bush (or Joe McKnight) and damn fun to watch. And yes, I don't give a crap about Bobby Bowden's formal retirement. He's been disengaged from that program for years.
MPF004 Sez: A big WVa win that smothers the whole Bowden sentimentality angle.


Jan. 2 International South Florida (7-5) vs. Northern Illinois (7-5)
Reason to Watch: Football in Canada has an extra big field (plus the end zones are 15 yards deep I think), and offensive players are allowed to get a running start before the snap. Which team will take better advantage of these foreign rules?
MPF004 Sez: Wait a couple hours for a game in America to start.

I'm bearish on the Bulls.

Jan. 2 Liberty East Carolina (9-4) vs. Arkansas (7-5)
Reason to Watch: Honestly, I got nothing. Skip Holtz? No. Louisville reject Bobby Petrino and Michigan reject Ryan Mallett? Passing the time between the Cotton Bowl and the Alamo Bowl? Elvis impersonators?
MPF004 Sez: Take a nap.

The best Elvis sighting of all time.

Jan. 2 Cotton Oklahoma State (9-3) vs. Mississippi (8-4)
Reason to Watch: The Diminished Expectations Bowl: Which program will be more crushed by the deflation of their preseason hopes?
MPF004 Sez: Go with Jevan Snead and crazy Houston Nutt over a crippled Zac Robinson and crazy Mike Gundy.

Jan. 4 Fiesta TCU (12-0) vs. Boise State (13-0)
Reason to Watch: For the same reason you look at the circus guy who bites the heads off chickens, or the beared lady at the midway.
MPF004 Sez: TCU is a far less shitty, far less illegitimate midmajor than the Smurf Turf.

Jan. 6 GMAC Central Michigan (11-2) vs. Troy (9-3)
Reason to Watch: Your last chance to see Dan "The Fever" LaFever, the MAC version of Tim Tebow except he doesn't cry like a sissy girl when he loses the conference championship game, cause he doesn't lose his conference championship game as Bobcat fans can attest.
MPF004 Sez: Dan "The Fever" and all his teammates vs. one guy named Troy? I'll take the Fever.


MILD INTEREST: (N=8)

Dec. 19 St. Petersburg Rutgers (8-4) vs. UCF (8-4)
Reason to Watch: Rrrrrutgers!! started out slow, but cranked it up late. Bowl games are usually fun when a team enters on a hot streak.
MPF004 Sez: Rutgers, I guess. I don't know a thing about Central Florida, or than it is actually located in Central Florida, unlike South Florida which is in Central Florida.

Dec. 23 Poinsettia Utah (9-3) vs. California (8-4)
Reason to Watch: This game lost a little luster when studly tailback Jahvid Best decided it would be Best (hah!) to sit this one out, due to a pesky concussion. But both these teams put in solid seasons and appear evenly matched.
MPF004 Sez: Without Best, I gotta think Utah has the edge.


Dec. 28 Independence Texas A&M (6-6) vs. Georgia (7-5)
Reason to Watch: To see two once-proud teams wish it was 2001-ish all over again.
MPF004 Sez: Georgia, I guess.

Dec. 31 Chick-fil-A Virginia Tech (9-3) vs. Tennessee (7-5)
Reason to Watch: The Chick-Fil-A commercials are pretty funny. We saw the Vols live at Neyland. We are friends with Miller. When the Vols win, he's happy.
MPF004 Sez: Sorry Miller. Tech tears apart a beleageured Tennessee team.

Oldtimers like me remember this used to be called the Peach Bowl.

Jan. 1 Outback Northwestern (8-4) vs. Auburn (7-5)
Reason to Watch: a mini-Schadenfreude: a school coached by a guy that has hated Iowa since his playing days vs. a coach from a school that hates Iowa. It's something to soothe your hangover on New Year's Day.
MPF004 Sez: I'm torn between supporting the Big 10, and rooting for the meteor. Ahh, fuck that. Whoa Damn Eagle.


Jan. 1 Sugar Cincinnati (12-0) vs. Florida (12-1)
Reason to Watch: None I can think of.
MPF004 Sez: Tebow will crush the Kelly-less Bearcats.

Jan. 2 Alamo Texas Tech (8-4) vs. Michigan State (6-6)
Reason to Watch: Pirate lunatic Mike Leach. An MSU team that lost painfully to my two teams in the final minute.
MPF004 Sez: Several Spartan players will be suspended due to a fight on campus. That tends to not bode well for teams.


Jan. 2 Papajohns.com Connecticut (7-5) vs. South Carolina (7-5)
Reason to Watch: It's named after a web site. A web site for pizza. Also, we saw the Cocks last year vs. Iowa, and saw UConn vs. ND this year. It's hard not to feel for UConn after Jasper Howard was stabbed to death earlier this season. Jim Leavitt is a Hayden Fry guy and recently was accused of beating up a player.
MPF004 Sez: Root for UConn.


MODERATE INTEREST: (N=5)

Dec. 31 Sun Stanford (8-4) vs. Oklahoma (7-5)
Reason to Watch: Two teams (programs even?) going in opposite directions. Oklahoma started out with national championship aspirations and fell spectacularly when Sam Bradford's right shoulder got crunched. Stanford ended up beating three ranked teams, helped get Charlie Weis fired and nearly got Toby Gerhart the Heisman.
Reason Not to Watch: Being on an airplane to Phoenix.
MPF004 Sez: Gerhart > Bradford's replacement.

Dec. 30 Holiday Nebraska (9-4) vs. Arizona (8-4)
Reason to Watch: The Holiday Bowl traditionally has been one of the best, if not THE best, December bowl. It usually pairs solid teams that probably deserve to play in January. Here we've got a Husker team that was one second away from the BCS and Arizona that figured it out after losing to Iowa.
MPF004 Sez: I like Pelini.

For Kelly.

Dec. 26 Meineke Car Care North Carolina (8-4) vs. Pittsburgh (9-3)
Reason to Watch: The Wannstache was within seconds of a BCS bid. Will the Panthers come out flat, or try to prove they are better than this bowl? It's also a matchup of 2008 and 2009 ND opponents, so you know these teams.
MPF004 Sez: the 'Stache.

Last chance of the year to run this picture.

Dec. 29 Champs Sports Miami (Fla.) (9-3) vs. Wisconsin (9-3)
Reason to Watch: To see Wisky take out its aggression at being passed over by nerds for a Jan. 1 bowl. To support the Big 10.
MPF004 Sez: I'm supporting the Big 10 here.

Jan. 1 Capital One Penn State (10-2) vs. LSU (9-3)
Reason to Watch: Big 10 pride (even if it is the Johnny Come Lately of the conference) vs. Esss-Eeee-Seee speed.
MPF004 Sez: Should be fun to watch. Penn St. has been damn good against non-Iowa teams on its schedule the past two years. LSU has ballsy/batshit Les Miles (6.5 on the Zooker Scale). I'll take PSU in a mild upset.


SCHADENFREUDE: (N=2)

Dec. 26 Emerald Boston College (8-4) vs. Southern California (8-4)
Reason to Watch: The possibility of a meteor wiping out both teams that hate Notre Dame with the passion of a thousand suns. Barring the meteor thing, someone you hate will lose a football game in a baseball park.
MPF004 Sez: Root for the meteor.

Dec. 31 Insight Minnesota (6-6) vs. Iowa State (6-6)
Reason to Watch: The possibility of a meteor wiping out both teams that hate Iowa with the passion of a thousand suns. Barring the meteor thing, someone you hate will lose a football game in a bowl formerly played in a baseball park.
MPF004 Sez: Root for the meteor.

He was inconsolable.

ATTENDING: (N=1)

Dec. 26 Little Caesars Ohio (9-4) vs. Marshall (6-6)
Reason to Watch: Cause I'll be in the stands.
MPF004 Sez: Marshall picked bad-ass named Doc Holiday as their new coach. But I still like Frank and the Cats despite their being 0-2 when I'm present (I guess I'm the opposite luck of TM at Iowa games?)



HIGH INTEREST: (N=3)

Jan. 1 Rose Oregon (10-2) vs. Ohio State (10-2)
Reason to Watch: It's the Rose Bowl! Beyond tradition, if you need a reason to care about the game, you've got The Ohio State carrying the banner of the Big Ten against the new standard bearer of the Pac 10. LaGarrett Blount, the dude who punched a guy in the face and yet was reinstated to the team, will play for the Ducks. Pick Six points on the line.
MPF004 Sez: At risk of being a homer, I think TOSU wins.

Jan. 5 Orange Georgia Tech (11-2) vs. Iowa (10-2)
Reason to Watch: The oh-so-close-to-being Big Ten Champions vs. the oh-so-close-to-not-being Almost Competent Conference Champions. The triple option vs. the Angerer. Stanzi being the Manzi, Johnathan Dwyer being whatever the hell he is that doesn't rhyme with his last name. Easily the most exciting non-championship bowl of the season. Unfortunately, I do have Georgia Tech in the Pick Six.
MPF004 Sez: HAWKEYES!!

Jan. 7 BCS Title Alabama (13-0) vs. Texas (13-0)
Reason to Watch: I'm really excited about this game. Some people think Texas lucked out, or that Bama is so supremely dominant. I think that Texas is better than people think. Also: Pick Six points.
MPF004 Sez: Back in August, I picked Texas as my top Pick Six team because I thought Colt McCoy would win the Heisman and Texas would win the national championship. Ironically, I was very tempted to pick Bama, because I felt they were best suited to win the championship, but couldn't do it for ethical reasons. So I'm with Texas.

For Paulette.

Bettin' on Baseball

Hola amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I been dealing with a metric shitton of stuff in my life.

This post is about baseball (and ultimately, beer). It's been a couple months since baseball ended, so let's review the regular season winners as a reminder:

2009 Winners

Division	Winner
AL East	Yankees
AL Central	Twins
AL West	Angels
AL Wild Card	Red Sox
NL East	Phillies
NL Central	Cardinals
NL West	Dodgers
NL Wild Card	Rockies

In the divisional series, the Phillies beat the Rockies and the Dodgers beat the Cardinals. The Yanks swept the Twins (sorry Craig) and the Angels swept the Red Sox. In the World Series, the Yankees beat the Phils.

Now let's see who the co-authors picked.

TM Picks

Division	Winner
AL East	Red Sox
AL Central	Indians
AL West	Angels
AL Wild Card	Rays
NL East	Metsies
NL Central	Cubbies
NL West	Dodgers
NL Wild Card	Reds
AL Champ	Red Sox
NL Champ	Cubs
World Champ	Red Sox

Hmmm. She got the Los Angeles area correct, but the rest of the country: not so much. She did get the Red Sox correct, for three out of eight playoff teams. The apocalypse World Series of Cubs/Sox did not come to fruition.

Now to MPF004!!

MPF's Picks

Division	Winner
AL East	Red Sox
AL Central	Twins
AL West	A's
AL Wild Card	yankers
NL East	Phillies
NL Central	Cardinals
NL West	Giants
NL Wild Card	Dodgers
AL Champ	Red Sox
NL Champ	Phillies
World Champ	Red Sox

Three division winners correct, plus three more playoff teams slotted as wild cards instead of division winners or vice versa. In fact, I pulled the opposite of Tina Marie: I whiffed on the Bay Area but got the rest of the country partially correct. I said the AL East champ would beat the Phillies in the World Series, but I picked the good guys, not the bad guys.

So I got a couple more correct than TM. Big deal, right?

To quote a prominent sports announcer: Not so fast my friend! We have been predicting the baseball winners for four years now. Back in March, when I was in the process of winning the NCAA tournament pool, she and I made a side wager for a six-pack of beer. TM, being a big baseball fan, proposed that we make a similar wager on this sports' pick set. To clarify that picking the World Series champ should be valued higher than picking a divisional winner, we decided upon a point system that awards 1 point for correctly naming the division and wild card winners, 2 points for the pennant and 3 points for the World Series champ.

Let's look at those predictions again:

The Picks and the Points

TM	MPF
Red Sox	Red Sox
Indians	Twins (1)
Angels (1)	A's
Rays	yankers
Metsies	Phillies (1)
Cubbies	Cardinals (1)
Dodgers (1)	Giants
Rockies	Dodgers
Red Sox	Red Sox
Cubs	Phillies (2)
Red Sox	Red Sox

Final score: 5-2. Congratulations to me! To honor the Minnesota Twins, who fought valiantly for the AL Central title and tried in vain to make America a better place by eliminating the Yankees, the six-pack of beer shall be: Summit Brewing from St. Paul, Minnesota. Either the Hefe Weizen or the new Red Ale would be fine.

Beer of Champions. (Girl in background not included.)

Christmas Cheer

Can you hear the bells?