Free Movie Reviews

When you are out of work, you need to be creative to stretch the entertainment dollar. That means being on the lookout for cheap/free offers. Luckily for me, March was a freebie month.

It started with Einstein Brothers Bagels, who generously put two re-useable coupons in the paper: free small coffee on Monday morning and free plain bagel on Friday morning. I think I went every possible day while the deal was in effect. I’m pretty sure the Monday and Friday staff started to recognize me …a couple times I didn’t even have to show the coupon. “You, unemployed guy in the baseball cap. Today must be Friday, cause you’re here for your bagel. Okay, here it is, on your way.”

Not edible but also a great deal was Redbox. I understand the point of Redbox: $1 per night rentals of recent movie releases from a self-serve kiosk at convenient locations (McDonald’s and grocery stores). I do not understand the business model of Redbox: give away so many damn free codes that no half-sentient person ever has to pay for a movie. For example, if you give Redbox your cell phone number, they will send a text message with a free promotional code (one night’s rental) every Monday.

And in March, Redbox offered a free promotional code (one night’s rental) every Wednesday that month, then extended it to the first Wednesday of April because of a technical glitch one week. I mean, I saw this headline...

Redbox's $1 vending-machine video rentals worry movie studios

...after getting back from yet another free rental and thought the hed should be:

Redbox's $0 vending-machine video rentals ought to worry Redbox

Anyway, their loss. Being savvy to the deal (thanks to Clam), I trucked over to my local Jewel several consecutive Wednesdays to watch all the movies I had almost no desire to see while they were in the theaters.

My reviews follow. I will use the MPF Movie Rating System (Part 1 and Part 2 for your review) and a letter grade where appropriate. And because Hollywood generally gives movies dumb titles, I will rename the movies for more clarity and accuracy.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My title: Judd Apatow: Hawaii*.

Technically, we got this one at Blockbuster, but it was right around that same time. The Apatow crowd makes another good-hearted, foul-mouthed film, this time about a guy who goes to Hawaii to forget about his girlfriend who dumped him. Except said ex is there, with her new funny-talking boyfriend (might be British). Apatow: Hawaii was funny in spots, with a good ensemble cast (the fat kid from Superbad had a too-small part).

MPF Score: 3.5. (You see what appears to be Jackie from That 70’s Show flashing the camera, but in the commentary track we are told those weren’t really her boobs. Besides, those points really should be nullified by the more prominent male genitalia.)

Pineapple Express.
My title: Apatow: Pot.

A stoner film in the fine tradition of Dazed And Confused, Harold And Kumar, and, uh, it appears they should have called this Pineapple And Express to carry on the formula. Seth Rogen plays a stoner who witnesses a murder and, along with his dealer, goes on the run from the bad guys. There was a little too much “bro-love” crap that slowed down the plot, and the ending featured a bloodbath of a shootout that didn’t fit the light tone of the first half.

MPF Score: 4.5.

The Siskel and Ebert of my generation.

There Will Be Blood
My title: Oil! Why the hell not, it worked for the book.

First of all, there was very little blood in the movie. There was a lot more oil. Even There Will Be Oil And A Lot Of It would have been a better title. This is a long, meandering, pointless movie whose only redeeming quality is a masterful acting job by Daniel Day Lewis. However, we already knew he was awesome from In The Name of the Father and his Oscar-winning cripple thing. So therefore this movie has nothing new to say. It’s not even an original idea—it’s based on an Upton Sinclair novel.

MPF Grade: D-.

Happy-Go-Lucky.
My title: Someone Please Punch This Woman In The Face Right Now.

I hated this movie. First of all, I couldn’t even understand one goddam word anybody said. I even turned on the friggin’ ENGLISH closed-captioning and still could barely follow it. Then, the main character was oppressively optimistic. She giggled and laughed at every stupid thing. When her bicycle got stolen, I cheered. So she takes driving lessons and meets the hero of the movie, the stone-faced driving instructor. I was hoping he would turn her into a normal person, but it looked like that wouldn’t happen so I turned it off.

MPF Score: 0. MPF Grade: F/Incomplete. (guest reviewed by Holden Caulfield)

This picture makes as much sense as that movie.

Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist
My title: B&T Kids on the Loose

This was a TM pick, and I liked it more than I thought I would. The dewy-eyed kid from Superbad and a chick he kinda likes are Jersey teenagers on a quest to find a secret show in New York by their favorite band. I can relate to this a little, having chased down rumors that such-and-such a band is playing an after-show at some secret joint. Plus, all the action takes place in the Villages (Green-Wich and East) and Brooklyn. Having lived in New York, it was much more realistic to watch the kids on their quest, driving around the city and seeing all the venues and landmarks. I liked the movie enough to allude to it in my Blogspot profile.

MPF Score: 2. MPF Grade: B+.

Haunting of Molly Hartley
My title: Generic Horror Flick

This is the different between being 17 years old and say, double that. I bet I would have loved this half a lifetime ago: a wafer-thin plot about a girl (would you guess Molly?) who is being (want to guess? Haunted?) by ghosts or demons or whatever … hell, you don’t care, you just want your date to jump in your lap. Or for the movie to last long enough to get in a good makeout session. Every character is a stereotype, from the dull, out-of-touch dad to the rich kid who flirts with Molly to the weirdo Christian who tries to save her soul.

MPF Score: 0. My grade: C+ (if 17: A)

The Dark Knight
My title: The Batman Movie Not Called Batman Or Batman 2 Even Though It Is A Sequel

Last year everyone was all Batman, Batman, Batman, even though there was clearly not a film called Batman in the theatres. Turns out it’s this thing.

I think it’s nice and all that they filmed a movie here, but Batman? Batman is set is Gotham, aka NEW YORK CITY. While it’s always nice to see the beautiful Chicago skyline in a movie, it’s a little ridiculous when a guy in a bat costume flies past the Smurfit-Stone or the Standard Oil. The height of disbelief was when they showed lines of cars on Wacker Drive near State Street, with Marina City towers visible, and a cop talked about getting everyone out of the City through the bridges and tunnels. Hah! Maybe only people who have lived in both Chicago and Gotham would get that, but I am one such person.

I took this picture of the Standard Oil building one cold day in 2003 when TM and I were walking around downtown.

As for the movie itself: too long, too confusing**. It’s too bad the Joker killed himself but there’s always Jack Nicholson.

MPF score: 4 (Chicago points nearly revoked though)

Burn After Reading
My title: Actually, I’m okay with Burn After Reading

This movie is promoted at the beginning of my Big Lebowski DVD. I was curious enough, knowing it involved the Coen Brothers and Frances McDormand (awesome together in Fargo, awesome separately in Lebowski and Almost Famous, among others).

This movie was funny. Hilarious. I laughed out loud at least twice, and then about four times in the final five minutes, which might be the funniest final five minutes in American cinematic history. (1992’s Diggstown still is the most surprisingly enjoyable…this was just flat out hilarious.) Several actors were much funnier and well-played than I expected (the types of guys who show up in Ocean’s Fifteen type movies). The Coen brothers strike*** again.

MPF score: 5.

The updated spreadsheet is here...select tab "redbox reviews" if it doesn't default to there. Hope you enjoyed it.

---

* -- I think all Judd Apatow movies should follow this formula. It would be a lot easier to keep track of them all… Apatow: Virgin. Apatow: Pregnant. Apatow: High School. Apatow: Amusement Park. Apatow: Mall Cop.

** -- I am told my confusion keeping all the characters straight was because this was a sequel. If so, why didn’t they call it Batman 2, Son of Batman, Batman’s Revenge, Return to Batman, Batman and the Temple of Doom, something like that?

*** -- a bowling pun. But you got that.

Ohhh, one more picture. It is so pretty.

Jersey Boys

When we moved from Chicago to New York, we decided to live in Manhattan to get the full-fledged New York experience. Because really, why move to New York ... but live in Brooklyn. Or move to New York but live in ... Jersey. If you're gonna do it, do it.

Apparently that philosophy does not apply to ex-Cubs. Thanks to Morthas, the Greek god of collecting, for pointing out the Newark Bears. (Not the existence of, which I already knew, but the current composition.) The 2009 Bears have FOUR ex-Cubs on the roster. Plus the website is chock-full of interesting tidbits about the players. Considering how odd today is, let's take a closer look at the players and some odd facts.

Panda attempts to explain all the ex-Cubs.

Let's start with Darryle Ward, thought to be out of baseball or at least munching on a piece of high-caloric food somewhere. He's on the Bears.

Little known fact: Ward spent the 2009 spring training with the "Cincinnatie Reds."

Bobbie Hill! Holy hell, would you have ever guessed that Bobby Hill was still playing baseball for money? We traded our "second baseman of the future" and Jose Hernandez to the Pirates to get Kenny Lofton and a third baseman named Ramirez. At least THAT guy is still around.

Hill upon learning he was drafted by the Cubs.

Little known fact: This is Hill's second go-round in Newark: "Originally a second round draft pick for the Chicago Cubs, Hill instead decided to play for the Newark Bears. In 2000, Hill hit .326 with 13 homeruns and 82 runs batted in for the Bears. ... Hill was signed by the Chicago Cubs and played in the major leagues from 2002-2003."

Michael Tucker! Tucker played for the Cubs in 2001, making him one of the oldest ex-Cubs still active. (By my count, only Ross Gload from the 2000 team is still around, with David Weathers and Julian Tavarez also representing 2001.)

Little known fact: "Tucker hit the first homerun ever at Turner Field and collected the last base hit ever at Milwaukee's County Stadium."

Finally:

Bobby Brownlie. This kid was a first-round draft pick of the Cubs in 2002. Now there many reasons why the Cubs will never win the BCS National Championship of Baseball, aka the World Series. Let's look at the 2002 draft for one.

Baseball, more than football or basketball, will always have first-round flameouts due to the difficult nature of projecting talent. But by my count, at least 13 first-round picks from 2002 have become regular players in the bigs, guys like Cole Hamels (Phillies), Scott Kazmir (drafted Mets/now Devil Rays), Prince Fielder (Brewers), and Jeff Francoeur (Braves). Several others are at least in the bigs in some capacity still, like B.J. Upton (Devil Rays) and Denard Span (Twins). And where is the Cubs first round pick? Newark.

Wait a minute, who drafted this guy?

By the way, it's not just Andy McPhail's fault. Ed Lynch and Hendry are on the hook too. Look at this heaping pile of success since Kerry Wood was the No. 4 overall pick in 1995:

1996: Todd Noel
1997: Jon Garland
1998: Corey Patterson
1999: Ben Christensen
2000: Luis Montanez
2001: Mark Prior
2002: Bobby Brownlie
2003: Ryan Harvey
2004; No Selection (that guy sucks)
2005: Mark Pawelek
2006: Tyler Colvin
2007: Josh Vitters
2008: Andrew Cashner

We were so optimistic ... so gullible.

And if you're thinking it's too early to judge the more recent picks, well, Jacoby Ellsbury (2005), Tim Lincecum (2006) and David Price (2007) may disagree. (Seriously, go watch that Ellsbury video if you haven't seen it yet.)

There's Hope For Me Yet

Or, Why I Hope Twitter Is The "XFL" Of This Decade


In job-hunting, as in dating or life overall, you want to emphasize your strong points in the hope that you possess a desired trait. For me, that skill is the savvy use of words and the English language to convey abstract or complex concepts.

In this New York Times interview, the CEO of Delta Air Lines, a guy named Richard Anderson, confirms that dropping random words on a PowerPoint slide is insufficient to succeed in business. "It’s not just enough to be able to just do a nice PowerPoint presentation," he said. "You’ve got to have the ability to pick people. You’ve got to have the ability to communicate."

This guy is my new hero.

A selected passage:

Q. And is there any change in the kind of qualities you’re looking for compared with 5, 10 years ago?

A. I think this communication point is getting more and more important. People really have to be able to handle the written and spoken word. And when I say written word, I don’t mean PowerPoints. I don’t think PowerPoints help people think as clearly as they should because you don’t have to put a complete thought in place. You can just put a phrase with a bullet in front of it. And it doesn’t have a subject, a verb and an object, so you aren’t expressing complete thoughts.

And a lot of what we do in communication, when you write e-mail, you need to express yourself very clearly so people understand whether we’re going to L.A. today or we’re going to Boston today.

Mr. Anderson, are you hiring in Chicago?

Updating the XCT

For whatever reason I had more fun than usual putting together this year's version of the Ex-Cub Tracker (XCT). Quite possibly because it didn't take forever, due to my sobriety. And this year I'm going to try to keep it updated, every few weeks or so. Since the Opening Day release of the 2009 XCT, a lot has happened in the lives of the ex-Cubs.

A quick note on abbreviations for the uninitiated:
OOB = out of baseball, not playing anywhere to the best of knowledge
PTBNL = the "player to be named later" in trades
ML'er = minor league player, assumed to have never made it to the bigs
DL = disabled list, usually 15 days

And now, the late April update:

Eric Young (EY) is an analyst with Baseball Tonight.

Todd Hollandsworth is an analyst with Comcast SportsNet.

Don Baylor is the hitting coach for the Rockies (this isn't new, just an oversight).

Since he is somewhat in the public arena, it is worth adding Doug Glanville: he writes an occasional column for the New York Times. Seeing today's essay (a good one) reminded me of it. Here's the main page.

Kyle Loshe (Cards) is an Ex-Cub! According to Len and Bob and confirmed by the excellent Baseball Reference, we traded him away to Minnesota in 1999 to get ... are you ready for this ... Rick Gag-uliera. (We got Scott Downs too.)

Jae Kuk Ryu was another oversight: Cubs signed him in 2001 and dealt him to the Devil Rays for 2 ML'ers. His claim to fame is/was killing an endangered bird with a thrown ball. He was sent back to the Padres 40-man roster after his March 26 waiver claim was voided by Major League Baseball. Dunno why, don't care.

Sean Gallagher (Oakland) was sent to Triple-A Sacramento. They called up an infielder, which tells me they didn't want a better pitcher, they just didn't want him.

Michael Barrett (Blue Jays) went on the 15-day DL with a muscle tear in his right shoulder, probably from punching out a teammate. I made up that last part.

Will Ohmanthatguysucked got promoted from AAA to the Dodgers on Opening Day, just missing the cut to be included in my 2009 update.

The Cubs cut ML'er Esteban German, and a few days later the Texas Rangers signed him to a ML contract and assigned him to Triple-A. (We'll see if he turns into anything, thus the beauty and/or folly of the XCT.)

Scott Williamson is not OOB! He is in the Tigers organization and was assigned to Minor League camp this spring.

Penultimatley, co-patron saint Garrett Olson was sent by Seattle to Triple-A Tacoma.

Finally, I'm waiting for the awesomely named Rocky Roquet to make his major league debut. Jerrod Saltalamacchia, beware. Your days as the awesomest-named major leaguer are numbered. (aside: who is/will be the PTBNL in this deal?)

He even looks like a "Rocky Roquet" don't you think?

So, what is the most awesome thing about him?

1. his full name is Rocky R. Roquet (I hoped it was "Rocket" but my Cubs media guide claims it is "Roh-KAY." But still. )
2. he went to four different colleges in three states
3. he graduated from Cal Poly SLO!
4. his home and road ERAs are identical (as of April 20)
5. seriously, that name...Rocky Rocket!!

Uncool

THIS IS BULLSHIT:


If you missed it, last night a cat ran onto the playing field, juked around for a while, and got captured by this guy. He had the cat cradled safely in his arms, but then the cat wriggled away, and the dude did ... that.

Just for the record, you do NOT pick up a cat by the tail. If you ever come across a cat, even a cat who shouldn't be where he is (like a major league baseball field), you still must treat the animal with kindness and basic decency.

One would be tempted to give the guy the benefit of the doubt--perhaps he panicked with 40,000 people watching him trying to corral a cat. But then I read this:

Of course, the security team at Wrigley hasn't undergone much in the way of emergency cat apprehension training. Cubs spokesman Peter Chase said he felt the employees did well under the circumstances.

El Wrong-o. I have seen a different cat in the neighborhood, running through the alley and ducking into Wrigley Field via Gate L. This cat is orange-yellow all over; last night's cat was white with black and orange spots. (Ours, since Finley asked, is black and white all over.) So yeah, you ARE going to need to learn how to handle cats if you work at Wrigley Field.

Being nice to cats: it's part of your job, and it's part of your life.

This mistreatment of my fellow cat makes me disgusted.... I need a beer.

Rockies 5, Cubs 2

I've decided to take advantage of the potential, the promise of Internets/blogging stuff by writing about something that actually happened today*. We went to home game No. 2, aka Opening Day-ja vu. We think it's just as good as the first opening day, just as cold, and the tickets are significantly cheaper.

And, we got to see something that hasn't been seen in a couple years: Jason Marquis pitching well in Wrigley Field. Of course, he did it in a Colorado Rockies uniform.

There wasn't much to cheer about, since Harden gave up runs early and as usual the bats couldn't support him. And besides: it was Frickin' Cold. My face is still warming up, hours after returning home. I will say, I think this is the first time I've ever seen a guy (Harden) get eight strikeouts in nine outs, and then get pulled.

The scorecard:



The scorecard is incomplete, partially because every player and coach wore No. 42. Sixty-two years ago today Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier and so this is Major League Baseball's way of honoring him. I think it is much more meaningful when a single player from each team, someone particularly affected by Robinson, wears the 42, rather than confusing the fans, players, scoreboard operators and public address announcer.

If you click the image, you can see the "42" on the hitter's and Soto's jerseys. (Everyone else has one too.) On a side note, I was pleasantly surprised by these section 218 seats. Other than the 20 mph wind in our face, of course.

Regarding that asterisk on Harden's earned runs: the official scorer gave Harden 4 earned runs. I gave him only three, and here's why. On that Atkins single, if Sorry-ano had fielded the ball cleanly, the runner on second (Helton) would have stopped at third and never scored. That run shouldn't be on Harden just because Sorryano can't pick up a rolling baseball. That might not be literally following the rules, but you can't punish the pitcher for Sorry-ano's crapitude.


You can check out the box score here.

* -- instead of waiting a couple weeks to craft something well-written, just throwing some shit online right away.

Michigan Needs a Copy Editor

Yeah, football is five months away. So what. Remember this?


Those morouns have outdoune themselves:


Looks like they need a coupy editour. Preferably one from America.

This guy compares Michigan to Worlds of Warcraft nerds. No idea where he got that idea.

The Tournament: I Are the Champions

No, no, that's alright. Please sir, do not cue up the Queen.

What's that? Etta James? Yes, that sounds just fine, thank you.

(Play the video, ignore the pictures and sing along)

At last, my picks have come along
My losing days are over
And life is like a swish

Oh yeah, at last
The winner I can now see
The shade of blue was powder
The night I picked UNC

I found a team that I could root for
A bracket that I can call my own
I found a thrill that comes with winning
A thrill that I have never known (since 1991)

Oh, yeah when you win, you win
Oh, and then the die was cast
And here we are in first place
For I did win
At last

Ahhh, thanks Etta. I did indeed win this year's pool ... at least the two smaller pools I entered, one of which scored me thirty bucks. I was a little harsh on my bracket in the early days, but the final rounds pulled me through: 12 of 16, 5 of 8, 3 of 4, 1 of 2, and the correct champion, UNC.

Some pictures I don't get sick of ... this appears to be one of them.

I set a personal record in the JQMCBP, with 107 points. That tops my total in 2006 and 2008 combined. My 43rd place finish (out of 680+ entries) is also a new PR in four years of JQMCBP competition.

I also made a side wager with my co-author, the loot being a six-pack of beer of the winner's choosing. After careful thought, I have selected my victory brew:


Why North Coast Blue Star? Well, I tried to find a beer from North Carolina, but that state's microbrews don't really have northern distribution; I settled on one with the initials "N.C." Carolina wears powder blue; this beer is named "blue." And the Tar Heels are the "stars" of the college basketball world. Plus, I like wheat beers and it looks tasty.

I confirmed this morning that this beer is not totally obscure; it is available here on the North Side at two different retailers, one being less than a mile from home.

Thirty bucks and a six-pack of beer? I'll take it. Thanks to Carolina for making this the best tournament since 1991.

(click to enlarge)

The Ex-Cub Tracker

It started several years ago with the question: Which would be better, a team of ex-Cubs or a team of ex-Expos? It turned out to be a pretty simple answer, because the ex-Expos included Pedro Martinez, Randy Johnson, Andres Gallaraga and just a ton of other talent. The ex-Cubs had, geez, I don't even remember, probably Mark Clark and Mark Guthrie and Kevin Orie, schlubs like that.

But of that parlor game was born an idea: The Ex-Cub Tracker. Whatever happened to all those guys we let get away? That trade a couple years ago, where we gave up promising talent for an aging veteran, did those kids ever develop into anything?

Gratuitious photo of one-time Cub Rich Garces.

I loosely started keeping track of the ex-Cubs in 2006. Players kept the juvenile nicknames they'd been assigned during their sucking days (Moises Alou was called Moises A-Loser, Juan Cruz became Juan Crap, etc.). The spreadsheet was sloppy, filled with poor typing and lazy abbreviations. As well it should: this idea almost certainly started while drinking. In honor of that, the sheet is still incomplete, amatuerish and only partially researched.

This year since I was curious and had the time, I decided to get back into the Tracker. I tried to look up how guys became Cubs (draft vs. trade vs. free agent signing) and how they left, to see if the general manager had any idea about the guy's relative talent.

Before we get to the full sheet, here's an update on the 18 guys who left the organization between last year's Opening Day and this year's:

Neither one of these guys is an ex-Cub, but we were talking about this photo earlier today and damn do I love this pic of Pedro.

Eric Patterson, Matt Murton, Michael Wuerst, Sean Gallagher: shipped to Oakland to get Rich Harden and Chad Gaudin. (Murton ended up in Denver. Maybe he got lost?)

Speaking of Gaudin: gone. Cubs released him yesterday.

Bobby "Call Me Robert" Howry: caught on with the Giants.

Kerry Wood: signed with the Indians.

Mark DeRosa: traded to Indians to keep Wood company.

Ronny Cedeno: sent to Seattle to get Notre Dame alum Aaron Heilman. (By the way, in that deal was a guy named Garrett Olson, whom* the Cubs had acquired 10 days earlier. This makes Olson the patron saint of the Ex-Cub Tracker, along with fellow long-timer Jody Gerut.)

Casey McGahee: never heard of him, but apparently the Brewers got him off waivers.

Jon Leiber: I won't be an active Leiber Believer this year, because no one picked up Jon after his injury. I salute an excellent career for this native Iowan.

Felix Pie and Rich Hill: traded to Baltimore in separate deals.

Hey, it's Guapo again ... Damn he got fat.

Henry Blanco: Hank White landed with the Padres. Guess he can catch Mark Prior there.....

sorry, I've stopped laughing now. Continuing on....

Jason Marquis: traded to Rockies.

Scott Error: traded to Philadelphia.

Daryll Ward and Jose Ceda: MIA. could be out of baseball.

Click here to view the Ex-Cub Tracker (opens in new window). The data are* sorted by this year's team. You can also view by player name using Tools, then "sort by". The second tab lists the details of two multi-player trades, the Harden deal and the Nomah deal.

Enjoy!


* -- Occasional proper grammar use is at the sole discretion of the blog proprietor.

1000 Words: The Joy of Opening Day

Our niece Kaitlyn is ready!

XRT Learns Its Lesson

I have railed, in private and on TEH INTERNETS, about the stupidity of having a British band headline the XRT Free Fourth of July Concert, aka the Independence Day concert, aka the day we declared freedom from the British.

After several years of American artists (like Counting Crows, Indigo Girls, Wilco, Moby I think*, John Mayer), last year XRT chose Gomez as the headliner. It must have pained the organizers to see two Texas favorites, Alejandro Escovedo and Old 97’s, thrill the crowd for two hours, which then headed en masse for the exits. I’ve never seen so many people leave before a concert is over.

Pictorial representation of the crowd between Old 97's and Gomez, Petrillo Bandshell, approx. 5pm, 7/4/2008.

Apparently XRT has learned from its mistakes, however blatantly stupid they are: This morning Lin Brehmer announced this year’s headliner: Mr. Buddy Guy!

Yes, Buddy Guy, who was born in Louisiana and resides right here in Chicago, Illinois. Buddy Guy, who plays 20 or so shows every January at the club he owns in the South Loop, Buddy Guy’s Legends. Buddy Guy, a real hometown hero. Take that, limeys.

Now THIS is a man you want headlining a Chicago concert in honor of America.

To celebrate properly, here’s Buddy Guy’s classic from 1991, “My Friend, You Are Absolutely Fucking Correct That I Indeed Have the Blues,” a title shortened by censors and editors down to “Damn Right, I’ve Got the Blues.”

Click here to play “Damn Right, I’ve Got the Blues.”

If you prefer Buddy with pictures, here's a Youtube of "Five Long Years."



* I think he played, not I think he's American. He’s from New York NY which despite its worldly feel is technically part of America.

BPK: The Results

Here are the results from the Thursday/Friday games. I was luckier than last year, in that I didn't have any Elite Eight teams already eliminated. But would that help me in the battle against the cat? (Click the links to review the rationale.)

Sweet 16: Man vs. Wild(cat)

Matchup	MPF Pick	Quigley Pick	Actual Winner
Louisville vs. Arizona	Louisville	Arizona	Louisville
Kansas vs. Michigan State	Michigan State	Michigan State	Michigan State
UConn vs. Purdue	UConn	Purdue	UConn
Missouri vs. Memphis	Memphis	Missouri	Missouri
Pittsburgh vs. Xavier	Pittsburgh	Pittsburgh	Pittsburgh
Villanova vs. Duke	Duke	Villanova	Villanova
North Carolina vs. Gonzaga	UNC	UNC	UNC
Syracuse vs. Oklahoma	Syracuse	Syracuse	Oklahoma

I got five ... he got five. I failed to beat the cat. Sigh.

As for the next round: I have Michigan St., Duke, UConn and UNC in the Final Four. The cat picks gigantic head (Spartans) over birds, cats (Tigers) over dogs and whatever the hell a Tar Heel is over a nondescript modifier.

Now, to the Big East Battle Royale, Pittsburgh vs. Villanova, Panthers vs. Wildcats. Since both are in the cat family, we had to go back to the source this morning. After direct questioning failed (his blinks and stares were nonconclusive), we went to the toys.

I set out two wiffle balls, identifying the first as Panthers and the second as Wildcats. He walked over and sniffed the Wildcat. TM cheered prematurely. I said, hold on! ... Quigley walked over the Panther, sniffed it, then batted it around. That's a winnah. (This is important because if Pitt beats Nova, I am in a good position to walk away with this.)

Return of the Bracket Pickin' Kitty

Good news! I got a little quality time with my furry friend, and we discussed this weekend's Sweet 16 games. So I'm pleased to announce the return of the Bracket Pickin' Kitty!

Oracle Kitty: "I'm back."

One note: in the interest of speed (and my own laziness), I'm not chasing down logos of the teams that didn't make the Sweet 16 last year, so I'll ad lib.

Let's get to it. Here are the Thursday and Friday matchups:

MIDWEST REGIONAL

(1)Louisville
vs.
(12)ArizonaThis is the guy they got to replace Lute Olson as coach.

MPF analysis: Arizona was lucky to make it this far (and yes I did pick them to get to this round), but Louisville has too much talent. This looks to be a blowout.

Quigley: Cardinals are birds...boo. I'm going with the Wildcats.

(3)Kansas vs.
(2)Michigan State

MPF analysis: I am surprised by the young Kansas team, who has performed better than I thought. I expect a good battle from a veteran Spartan team with lots of inside strength.

Quigley: Birds vs. gigantic head man. No way I'm picking the birds...Spartans for me.

WEST REGIONAL

(1)Connecticut
This guy is kinda....husky.

vs.

(5)Purdue

MPF analysis: Although Purdue won the Big Ten tournament, I don't think they've faced a team as tough and deep as UConn. Hasheem Thabeet is an absolute monster on defense.

Quigley: Huskies vs. Boilermakers. Dogs vs. another gigantic head man. What is with the big heads in the Big Ten? Well, anything is better than a dog: Purdue.

(3)Missouri

Wildcats, Tigers .... same cat family.

vs.

(2)Memphis

MPF analysis: Just like last year, Memphis cruised through a super-soft conference schedule and is trying to make a deep run in the tourney. Missouri is back in the Sweet 16 after the Quin Snyder years.

Quigley: Now this is my kind of matchup ... Tigers and more Tigers! The only downside is kitties will have to lose. (MPF note: Okay, this is seriously how we decided this one. I said, Quigley, do you want Missouri or Memphis? He looked up at me. I said, Missouri? He kept looking at me. I said, Memphis? He wandered away. So...) Mizzou Tigers.

EAST REGIONAL

(1)Pittsburgh


vs.
(4)Xavier

MPF analysis: I don't know much about Xavier from the A-10, but Pittsburgh has a great inside-out combination in Sam Young and Dejuan Blair. They beat UConn twice.

Quigley: Panthers vs. Musketeers. Sorry mustache man ... I'm sticking with my kitties.

Consider this a warning for anyone who picks Pittsburgh...

(3)Villanova
vs.
(2)DukeDuke, Dick ... close enough.

MPF analysis: Yet another Big East-tested team in the Sweet 16, facing off against Coach K and his latest band of scrappy Dukies.

Quigley: Wildcats vs. Blue Devils. I am a black-and-white devil, and that's close, but c'mon. I can't pick against Wildcats!

SOUTH REGIONAL

(1)North Carolina

vs.

(4)Gonzaga

'Zaga, Zima ... close enough.

MPF analysis: Most people's pick for national champ, UNC features Tyler Hansborough and a hopefully healthy Ty Lawson. Balanced, deep and experienced. Gonzaga has floppy-haired sharpshooters from the Pacific Northwest (I'm assuming so at least).

Quigley: Tar Heels vs. Bulldogs. Don't know what a Tar Heel is ... my paws are white. But I can't pick a dog, my sworn enemy. So Tar Heel it is.

(3)Syracuse

vs.
(2)Oklahoma
Yeah, that's Herbie. Nebraska Oklahoma whatever. I'm lazy.

MPF analysis: Oklahoma stormed through the Big XII behind stud Blake Griffin, but he has battled injuries. This year's 'Cuse team survived that incredible six overtime game and is a heckuva lot of fun to watch.

Quigley: Orangemen vs. Sooners. Hmmm. Don't know what a Sooner is. Sooner than what? I like colors, and I like to chase round balls down the hallway, so let's go with the big orange thing.

The Bracket Pickin' Kitty has spoken! Enjoy the games, and check back on Saturday to see how he did.

Time to Hang It Up, Fella

I was thumbing through the alumni notes for my undergraduate alma mater and saw something unusual. The alumni notes are not the first thing I read--in fact, this edition is dated "Fall 2008." But one of the first items, in the section for graduates of the 1930s, was this:

David Twombley FA'36, GR'68, Urbandale, IA, is now retired.

Holy hell I hope so! It's only been 72 years since he got his bachelor's degree! Is this what we, the Social-Security-paying-into generation, have to look forward to?

Who to Root Against

The tournament starts up again tomorrow, so let's check out where we're at.

Believe it or not, I'm still in the running for the thirty bucks that goes to the winner of my pool. That is the beauty of playing smaller pools, I guess: fewer people means higher odds of actually finishing first. But because there have been so few upsets this year, I need everything to go my way, and the people ahead of me to fail.

So let's figure out who to root for (or more importantly, AGAINST) in the next round of the NCAA tournament. Remember: there's thirty bucks on the line, and we all know what thirty bucks buys.

Or this.

Matchup: Louisville vs. Arizona
My Pick: Louisville
Rooting For: Arizona. Unlikely to happen, but a Louisville loss knocks out "Reigning Champ" 's national champ pick. That would obviously deny her a ton of points, and create an easier path for Michigan State to the Final Four where they belong.

Matchup: Kansas vs. Michigan State
My Pick: Michigan State
Rooting For: Michigan State. They are a Final Four team. Need the points.

Matchup: UConn vs. Purdue
My Pick: UConn
Rooting For: UConn. They are a Final Four team. Need the points.

Matchup: Missouri vs. Memphis
My Pick: Memphis
Rooting For: Missouri. The second place player, "Bracket Ninja," picked Memphis as a national champ. I need them/him to go down as quickly as possible.

Matchup: Pittsburgh vs. Xavier
My Pick: Pittsburgh
Rooting For: a good game. I just want Duke to advance. I suppose Xavier would be an easier opponent for the Dukies (see below).

Matchup: Villanova vs. Duke
My Pick: Duke
Rooting For: Duke. They are a Final Four team, but also because I have a side wager that very well may boil down to this game. My worthy opponent (aka blog co-author) picked Nova to win it all.

Matchup: North Carolina vs. Gonzaga
My Pick: UNC
Rooting For: UNC. My national champs.

Matchup: Syracuse vs. Oklahoma
My Pick: Syracuse
Rooting For: Cuse. Reigning Champ picked Oklahoma all the way to the finals.

I'll touch base with the Bracket Pickin' Kitty to see if he's interested in a return engagement. He's currently napping on the couch, but I think I can get a word with him later. If so, look for a return of the spooky Oracle kitty picture.

We don't have a webcam here at TMMPF.com, but a real-time picture of the Bracket Pickin' Kitty would look something like this.