Hate Week 2011: ND vs. Michigan

As I said earlier, it's a great week to hate Michigan. I detest pretty much everything about the football program including their obnoxious head coach (more on him later, probably during Iowa week).

For now, let's take a quick stroll down memory lane: the 1980 Notre Dame-Michigan game. The Wolverines lead 27-26 with just seconds left. Irish kicker Harry Oliver lines up for a 51-yard attempt. Here's legendary announcer Tony Roberts with the call.



And here is Michigan announcer Bob Ufer on the same play. He really nails the math.



Go Irish! Beat Wolverines!

P6 2011: Primera Semana

Despite taking many years in high school and college, I am nowhere near fluent in Spanish. Oh, I can pick words out of a block of text (a skill I practiced at our old church with bi-lingual missalettes). But I've never been able to follow along with Telemundo, much less understand your average person speaking at normal speed. (If you are impatient and don't see where this might be going, jump to the P6 update.)

Friday afternoon I bounced out of work, early on a holiday weekend (with the boss's permission) ready to enjoy a lot of college football, and I heard a Spanish speaker behind me say "something something primera semana." That means 'first week'. Now they could have been talking about the first week of school, or September. But I naturally assumed they were talking about this first week of college football.

Our soundtrack.

Games watched, at least partially: Murray St. vs Louisville (snippets); UNLV vs. Wisconsin; TCU vs. Baylor; Utah State vs. Auburn (2nd TV); Northwestern vs. BC; Tennessee Tech vs. Iowa; South Florida vs Notre Dame; Western Michigan vs. Michigan (2nd TV); BYU vs Ole Miss (snippets); Oregon vs. LSU; Boise vs. Georgia (2nd TV); Ohio vs. New Mexico State (online); Colorado vs. Hawaii (late game, was kinda sleepy); Marshall vs West Virginia; SMU vs. Texas A&M; Miami vs. Maryland.

Big gainers: Not many in a typically quiet first week, but LSU's win over a top 5 team was rewarded with a bounce of two spots. Wisconsin jumped three for dismantling UNLV in prime time, and Mississippi State and Florida jumped four for the same reason. West Virginia didn't need four quarters to jump five positions.

Big losers: Oregon was punished for falling flat in SEC country (again); TCU for forgetting how to play defense. And if you lost ... see below.

Dropping out: Auburn, USC, Georgia, Notre Dame. The Tigers and Trojans actually won their games, but too close for comfort for the voters apparently. Expect to see USC again shortly, but Auburn will need multiple high-visibility wins to persuade people that they are more than a one-hit wonder.

Hello to: South Florida, fresh off being on the same field as Notre Dame's offensive meltdown; Penn State; Texas (I guess one week wthout the Longhorns was plenty) and Baylor, after that amazing Friday night win over TCU.

The week's big mover:

Bonfire took advantage of a Rust Belt-Appalachia swatch of geography in Virginia Tech, Ohio State and West Virginia to gain 10 points, moving up from 23rd to fourth.

Enough jibber jabber, who's winning?

I don't have a recent picture of (or permission from, yet) Cleverer Than The Cats so I guess this will have to suffice. He rode his early lead and this week's minimal activity to stay on top. Standings as always are here. Note: anyone worried about losing to Quigley for a second straight year should check out where "Mr. Q" stands (or sleeps, technically).

Games to Watch: Now that Penn State is ranked, the "Bear vs. JoePa" bowl is a matchup of ranked teams. Seventeen players have Alabama, second-most in the game, and three have the Nittany Lions. That is the only matchup of ranked teams, although popular pick-sixth Arizona State would likely be ranked if they beat No. 22 Mizzou.

Also, this is a very good week to hate Iowa State and Michigan if you are a fan of Iowa and Notre Dame. Respectfully.

Big News, Told With Movie Posters

is

?

That's right! So in less than

(less than

actually),

and we

for

.

Your two biggest questions: the

is late February. Now,

is a

and the kid COULD be born on Feb. 29.

you ask? Well to me: an 80-year-old who can't legally drink alcohol.

And... boy or girl? Well, we are

so we're not finding out and going to

.

Thanks to everyone for all your wishes and prayers!

Season Predictions

Season predictions are, for the most part, worthless. On the off chance you were right, you can point back to say "lookee how smart I am!" But generally they are meant to be forgotten.

But that doesn't stop those who follow the game closely from trying. Here are my guesses for conference winners and other general predictions. For conferences with two divisions, the overall winner is listed first:

Big East: South Florida
Big Ten: Michigan State, Illinois
SEC: Alabama, South Carolina
Pac 12: Oregon, Southern Cal
ACC: Florida State, don't know who's on the other side
Big Texas: Oklahoma
MAC: Western Michigan, Ohio
CUSA: don't care
WAC: don't care
Mountain West: don't care but Boise probably
Sun Belt: don't care

National championship game: Alabama and Oklahoma

Heisman: Kellen Moore of Boise State

Additional predictions:

* Iowa will finish with more wins than last year's national champion (Auburn).

* Boise State will suffer an Iowa 2010-esque collapse: despite tons of seniors and a favorable schedule, the stars will not align and they will stumble out of BCS contention. (For Boise, this means 9-3 or 10-2, vs. the consensus guesses of 12-0 or 11-1.)

* Despite the talent and schedule for an 11-win season, Notre Dame will finish 9-3 or 8-4. If you divide the schedule into thirds (or fourths), figure one loss for every four (or three) games. For the sake of specificity, the losses will be @Michigan, Air Force, @Stanford and USC as a tossup. The reasoning: Notre Dame can beat every team on their schedule--on paper and in a vacuum. But the college football season is a grind, 12 games over 13 weeks. Notre Dame doesn't have the luxury of a I-AA team or "breather" game. They will have to compete week in and week out to win each game. That will take its toll in terms of exhaustion and injury, leading to a play here or there that tips a win into a loss.

MPF's Picks Explained

Allright, the talk is over, the games are here. I typed this up last week, and intended to post on Thursday when the deadline for the Pick Six game passed. But I got busy with last-minute entries (more on the P6 soon). But as is my tradition, I will post the rationale for my pickset.

A: Every preseason poll I saw had Oklahoma and Alabama 1-2. Even though it is rare to see the preseason 1 and 2 in those slots at the end of the year, these two teams (on paper) are so far ahead of everyone else. Oregon and LSU should be a phenomenal game on Saturday night, but both have had off-field problems in August. That doesn't bode well for a smooth autumn. Boise is still uber-talented but one loss or especially two and they will plummet in the polls. I went back and forth between OU and Bama. I even typed in Oklahoma but reconsidered after noticing they play at Florida State and at Oklahoma State this year. I didn't like the idea of knocking out my A or B in week 3 (spoiler alert) and finally switched to Bama. That defense (10 returning starters) is awe-inspiring.

I've been using the "Saban at podium" picture for a while now. Now that Saban has his own statue .... oh yeah.

B: Aside from thinking this is the year Florida State wins the ACC, this was a process of eliminating the hype. Stanford will not be the same without Harbaugh; I will be stunned if they are Top 10 when they play ND at the end of the year. A&M's drama is all conference-related, but will any of that bleed over to the field of play? I'd already decided not to pick Oklahoma State when I was considering the Sooners, and while they will probably have a very good year, I don't feel like rooting for them. Nebraska likewise is talented but I do not think they will stroll into a new conference and win--too many new variables (new coaches to scheme against, new players to scout, new hotels for road games).

I don't have a Florida State picture, but I do have this 64-pack crayon box from back when FSU was going through a cheating scandal.

C: TCU is ranked based on their defense (good) and last year's QB Andy Dalton (gone). Arkansas lost their star RB for the year and I don't see them managing that SEC without him. Virginia Tech is out cause I like FSU in the ACC. So it's Wisconsin vs. South Carolina, and I just sense Spurrier will have a breakthrough year with all that offensive talent (QB Garcia, RB Lattimore, WR Jeffery). Plus as a married guy I can write "I LOVE COCKS" on the Internet and that won't come back to bite me in the ass, right?

No South Carolina pictures, but given Stephen Garcia's problems off the field, I just assume this is a picture of him as a youngster.

D: Intriguing grouping: two Big Tens, two SEC, and the Irish. Ohio State is a litmus test on how important you think Tressel and Pryor are/were. My sense is they will lose at least 2, probably 3, games they would have won with one or the other. So a 10-2/Top 10 season becomes 7-5/unranked. Georgia too is tempting: if they start 2-0, they will catapault to the Top 10 and be on track for an amazing season. But those first two games are Boise and at South Carolina. With an 0-2 start, they spiral into a lost season, and Richt is fired by Halloween. I don't know enough about Mississippi State's team, but they do have a lot of firepower on that schedule. I'm not picking ND for reasons I'll explain soon-ish, so that leaves me with Sparty. Michigan State went 10-2 last year. Those two losses were huge, but remember this: Dantonio is kinda dick-ish. I think he'll motivate his senior-laden team for revenge on Iowa, plus keep up the gains made last year on rivals ND and Michigan.

New year, new Sparty picture. In any other league without Bielema and Fitzgerald, Mark Dantonio would easily be the most dickish coach in his conference.

E: What an underwhelming quintile. Yes, I know last year's national champion came from E, but I don't see that magic here. Florida is the savvy pick, given the immense talent that Urban Meyer stockpiled. But I don't trust the combination of a first-time head coach and the alleged QB guru Charlie Weis. Missouri and Auburn lost their QBs to the NFL and I don't expect big things there. West Virginia had coaching turmoil in the offseason and I just don't see them improving. So, yeah, I'm gonna grit my teeth and take Southern Cal, with star QB Matt Barkley, Jimmy Clausen's old high school teammate Marc Tyler, and all their surrounding questions. They can't play in the Pac-12 Championship or a bowl, but if they go 10-2 or 9-3, they will finish higher than where they started.

If I have to mention Southern Cal on my blog, I'm going to run a picture of the Song Girls.

F: Texas is the tempting pick. They can't be that bad again, can they? Well, no, but will they be better than OU, OSU and A&M? How highly ranked will the fourth best XII team be in January? Iowa under Ferentz always does well when expectations are low, but in this case, the low expectations are justified. Breaking in a new QB and all that inexperience on defense will cost us some wins. So, yeah, I'm gonna pick Utah. I know what I said about Nebraska having trouble in a new conference, I know I've got a team from the same conference AND division right above there in E. But the Utes have a nice schedule, missing Oregon and Stanford. They play USC early, giving both teams time to recover and climb in the polls. They've got a strong QB in Wynn who was out for all three of Utah's losses. I generally don't like teams coming off a bowl loss, or P6 teams that play each other, so this is a contrarian pick in many ways.

Can you say much of anything about Utah football? Yeah me neither.

Muppet Domination!!!

The Second Annual Pick Six Game

My eyes are watching the Bears preseason game tonight, but my head and heart are 10 days in the future when the college football season kicks off. And two days in the past, because the Associated Press on Saturday released their first poll of the year. And the AP Top 25 means it's time for Pick Six!

For an audio-visual representation of my excitement level, click right here. (Turn it up loud. It opens in a new window so you can keep reading here.)

Last year I organized the Pick Six game, modeled on the original by Notre Dame blog The Blue-Gray Sky. It was such fun we're doing it again, and we want you to play.

The rules: so simple. Here's the preseason Top 25:

A: Oklahoma, Alabama, Oregon, LSU, Boise
B: Florida State, Stanford, Texas A&M, Oklahoma State, Nebraska
C: Wisconsin, South Carolina, Virginia Tech, TCU, Arkansas
D: Notre Dame, Michigan State, Ohio State, Georgia, Mississippi State
E: Missouri, Florida, Auburn, West Virginia, Southern Cal

Pick one team from each grouping. Then pick one unranked team. That's your six. The goal is to have the highest ranked teams at the end of the season. The No. 1 team gets 25 points, No. 2 gets 24, down to No. 25 gets one point. The standings will be posted online so you can follow along. (I will update the standings each week, but only the final poll matters.)

How easy is it? Last year a cat won. That's part of the joy (and frustration) of the game. Not only are your cats, dogs and children invited to play, they have a good chance of winning! So get your newspaper...


...or your magazine...


...or just run to a bowl of food symbolizing one of the five teams in a grouping.


One request: let us know how your non-adult participant made his/her/its picks. Based on last year, it will be tremendously fun to read.

Send your picks and your pickset name (if you do not choose a name, a name will be appointed to you by me...keep that in mind) to tmmpf.blog at gmail dot com (to ensure your picks aren't seen early). The deadline is Thursday, September 1, at 4:55 pm Central (five minutes before the first game).

The Prize: last year I acquired a prize in keeping with Blue-Gray Sky's theme of football-themed kitsch. Unfortunately, I forgot to take a picture of it, and the cat won it anyway. So this year, if we can meet or exceed last year's number of entries, I will award this official, government-issued and previously driven State of Tennessee license plate.


Here is last year's winner with the prize he has no use for:


Think you can beat that cat? Get your picks in, and good luck!

Talkin' Ohio Football With Matt From Hustle Belt

Welcome to a record third-straight MAC-related post on TMMPF.com. To mark the occasion, I brought in someone who actually knows what he's talking about when it comes to MAC football: Matt Sussman from the pre-eminent MAC-centric blog, Hustle Belt. Matt was gracious enough to answer a few questions about Ohio's season and be the first non-fake guest for a Q-and-A.


MPF004: Every conference opponent has a first- or second-year coach (exception being Dave Clawson, 3rd year at Bowling Green). How much of an advantage does that give a veteran coach like Solich?

Matt Sussman: Yeah, the conference has been beleaguered by bigger schools with fatter paychecks. Having continuity at the head coach position is an advantage when recruiting. I don't think Solich will be hired away any time soon, but the other coaches will likely be fired or climbing the coaching ladder in two years. In terms of an edge during the season, I don't know how much of a difference it makes.

MPF: Although, I'd like to think there are in-game advantages. Solich knows his players better, and he's seen the other team's players before. He shouldn't get flustered by late-game situations (a la Les Miles) and he in theory knows the officials. Those are the things I think would make a difference on gameday.

MS: There may be some advantage, but even these new coaches have been around college football before, and big games too. Consider that Steve Addazio [former Florida offensive coordinator] and Dave Clawson [former OC at Tennessee and now the most-tenured sweatervest wearer in the Buckeye State] have been in the SEC. Darrell Hazell [Kent] and Dave Doeren [Northern] coached at OSU. Don Treadwell [Not Cheating Miami] called plays at Michigan State. They've all seen a lot and been in close games. Solich as well has Big XII and even BCS experience. You're right that he's recruited all his players, and maybe there's something to the fact that he can coach to that. But that seems more like an off-the-field advantage, where the difference is made in recruiting, practice and conditioning. Is Solich a great in-game tactician? I don't know about that; maybe that's the real question here.

MPF: Phil Bates. I've seen the man throw in person and on TV. Even at home I wasn't sure if the ball was going to hit me. Given his speed (good) and arm (not good), he seemed perfect for a position change to slot receiver, but early reports from camp have him still at QB. If he's going to stay at QB he has to throw a lot better or no defense will respect the pass. Do you like Bates, or the kid Tettleton, or Door #3 (aka reshirt freshman Snyder) for the QB position?

MS: If I were a coach, I'd always put in Mickey Tettleton's son. But that's why I'm not coaching. I have the same concerns about Bates being a full-time starter. I think he's still going to be a direct snap guy, but with another year of experience he may take on a bigger load. I'd bet they split the time between him and Tettleton.

(Note: since this conversation, Tettleton was announced as the starter. I followed up for Matt's thoughts on this quasi-breaking news....)

MS: I think that Tettleton might be their greatest weakness on offense ... obviously he's a third-year player so maybe he has enough experience. I haven't seen him play so he could be great, but first-year starters tend to make a few mental mistakes when the game speeds up. Then again, Austin Boucher [The Other Miami] won a MAC Championship last year.

Phil Bates' 2010 stat line. "This is our concern, Dude."

MPF: Phil Steele likes Ohio to win the division, but almost more for reasons of schedule than talent. In my experience, when the best thing you can say about a team is who they DON'T play, it's not a good sign. How do you see this year's Bobcats handling this schedule? Is it tailor-made, or are they going to stub their toe against the bottom feeders?

MS: It's a trendy pick because we know very little about these teams, and all we have is their skill set on paper and the skill sets/rankings of all the other teams, and yes, in theory, Ohio has a schedule where they can run the table. But if you look at the MAC media poll, another byproduct of soft science ... we really don't know what kind of team they're going to be. They could be great, or they could be average. But we know they have what looks to be an easy schedule. Perhaps Buffalo or Akron or CMU is actually going to be formidable, and suddenly the schedule isn't such a string of cupcakes.

MPF: Sticking with the schedule for the moment, what is your game of the year? Bonus points for picking something besides Temple on ESPN2.

MS: Ha. Well, last year they got their revenge on Temple by knocking them out of the MAC East race, but the following week they had a devastating loss to Kent State. So you might see the Bobcats try to come out and cream them. And the Miami game, always.

MPF: What do you see as the greatest strength and greatest weakness of this year's squad? Feel free to answer in terms of a player (RT Flading or MLB Keller) or position group (linebackers) or intangible (coaching, schedule, Rufus's badass-ness).

MS: The offensive line is definitely their advantage, and even if that's all they had going for them, it's a hell of a starting point. Especially since one of their drawbacks is being the only team to have lost their starting quarterback. So likely the learning curve for the new QB will be mitigated by an experienced blocking line.

I'm from Iowa. Templeton Rye is from Iowa. I like Templeton. I am going to accidentally call this kid 'Templeton' at least as often as I call him Tettleton.

MPF: Ohio's special teams are beyond good and dare I say, BCS-conference caliber, with Keller and Hershey and I assume Lavon Brazill returning kicks. Given Ohio's propensity for close games, especially in 2009, do you see special teams as a difference-maker in Ws and Ls this year?

MS: That all does depend on if Brazill can return to his 2009 form. We know Hershey and Keller should be solid, but they'll also need smart play from their blockers.

MPF: Frank Solich's Ohio teams have a history of getting to, but not winning, the big game. See: 2006 conference championship and bowl, 2009 conference championship and bowl, 2010 vs. Kent with the East title on the line. Is this the year they finally win a meaningful game, ie a conference championship or bowl? (The Pitt upset was cool, but not meaningful in a postseason sense.)

MS: It's very possible. I think they can reach the MAC Championship, but to go as far to say they'd beat Toledo or NIU or even WMU is going to be tough. Looking on the other side, people say Cubit is due at WMU, and that's actually a championship game I'd love to see, because then something absolutely would have to give.

MPF: If you could ask Frank Solich one question, what would it be? If you
were both at a Court Street bar, would it be a different question?

MS: If it were Courtside, it would be "what are you doing here?" And given the fact that I rarely get out, if I did happen to run into him, I'm pretty much stupefied that he was at the same place I was.

I miss Boo Jackson's senior leadership at the quarterback position. And I miss his hair.

MPF: Now that Boo Jackson has moved on, who has your favorite nickname and hairdo in the MAC?

MS: If one Boo is good, then two is better. BG's cornerback/kick returner Jerry "Boo Boo" Gates takes the title. As for the hair, always look for the Pacific Islanders. And Akron has one with an amazing mane, and the name couldn't be any more perfect than defensive tackle Phil Tonga.

He's got good hair, but he's no Franshaw.

MPF: Have you ever used the word "Mac-tastic" in a sentence?

MS: I prefer MAC-ceptional.

---

Thanks, Matt. Be sure to check out his blog at hustlebelt.com. Ohio opens the season on Sept. 3 at New Mexico State on something called AggieVision. Good luck Bobcats!

What To Make Of These Bobcats?

I've been watching Ohio football pretty much since TM entered the picture in a serious way. I remember sitting in Finley Dunne's one sunny September in 2005 because it was the only place the Ohio game (vs. Northwestern) was on TV. Later we were present for the re-match.

In all that time, the Bobcats have occasionally surprised but generally been a disappointment. Numerous winnable games have gone by the books. I'm 0-3 seeing them in person, and each time they had a lead or were in a winnable position late.

Last year was no exception: with the East title and a return trip to the conference championship on the line, all they had to do was beat 4-7 Kent State. So on the Friday after Thanksgiving they turned in an awful performance, losing 28-6 and setting up a lethargic performance in the Whatever Bowl I Don't Even Remember Or Care Sponsored By Company You've Never Heard Of.

But this year, I am filled with excitement and optimism, and not just cause right now is football's spring training. This might be the year Ohio gets over the hump and wins a meaningful postseason game.

As Phil Steele points out, a lot of the reason is the schedule. Now, I've always been cautious when the best thing you can say about a team is "look at who they DON'T play." But look at this:

Steele Rankings

Team	Ranking
N. Mexico St.	109
Gard.-Webb	I-AA
Marshall	97
@Rutgers	66
Kent St.	105
@Buff	118
Ball St.	113
@Akron	120
Temple	91
@CM	102
@BG	115
Fake Miami	100

Ohio is 90. Using the Steele ranking, only Rutgers is a sure loss, Marshall and Temple (maybe CMU) are tossups, and the rest ought to be wins. On paper, that's 9 wins and probably the East title. And who they miss is key: Toledo (77), W. Michigan (73) and Northern Illinois (78).

But the Steele method is based on predicted strength. It doesn't tell us anything about the teams that actually played last year. That's why I started How Are You Going To Get Better, which posits that to improve you must beat someone this year who you lost to last year.

In the non-conference, Ohio's HAYGTGB shows wins over I-AA Wofford and Sun Belt Louisiana-Lafeyette. Losses were to Marshall and Ohio State. This year, the "easy" win can be retained by beating I-AA Gardner-Webb. But the marquee game is at Rutgers, and while Rutgers is down, they are still a Big East team. Marshall stays on the schedule, which means they have to either flip Marshall or win at New Mexico State. Winning on the road in week 1, especially so far from home, generally is not easy. (Although on the other hand, the Aggies were near the bottom of all defensive categories last year, so maybe it's not that hard.)

In the MAC, there's isn't much room for improvement. Ohio went 6-2 in conference as part of a 7-game winning streak midseason. The losses were to Kent (inexplicable) and Toledo (also not very reasonable).

Ohio: 2010 vs. 2011

2010 Opp.	Result	2011 Opp.	Result
Wofford	Win	N. Mexico St.	?
Toledo	Loss	Gard.-Webb	?
@tOSU	Loss*	Marshall	?
@Marshall	Loss	@Rutgers	?
@E.Mich.	Win	Kent St.	?
BG	Win	@Buff	?
Akron	Win	Ball St.	?
@Fake Miami	Win	@Akron	?
La.Lafeyette	Win	Temple	?
Buffalo	Win	@CM	?
@Temple	Win	@BG	?
@Kent	Loss	Fake Miami	?

* -- victory vacated by The Ohio State

I hope the Bobcats can find some revenge against Kent State. Toledo falls off, replaced by Central Michigan which does not have Dan LeFever or Brian Kelly so this is looking good. EMU also drops off, replaced by Ball State, which should be a win. All that means Ohio will need to keep last season's wins against their East foes to improve on last year.

And how does that improvement happen? To be honest, even against weak competition, I'm not sure. There's a new QB, either a guy who can't hit the broadside of a barn (do they have barns in southeast Ohio?) or a guy who didn't play a down last year. The top returning rusher is said wild-armed quarterback. The D-line has zero starters returning.

I'm hopeful, but cautious. Stop by later this week to see what a real expert thinks.

The Most Respectful Football Conference

TM is quite proud of the degree she got at Ohio University and points out how the journalism school cranks out notable alumni.

The league office, however, might want to take a look at one of those MAC graduates who can put together a sentence:

Detroit, Mich. – The Miami RedHawks and the Toledo Rockets have been selected to win the East and West divisions respectfully in the 2011 Mid-American Conference Football Preseason Poll.

Here's the screengrab:


When I read that, I immediately thought of Dennis Hope from Almost Famous, in one of the small but crucial scenes of that fantastic movie.

Respectfully.

In conclusion:

1. The writer meant "respectively," identifying sequenced items that retain their order later in the sentence;
2. It makes it so much harder to not make fun of the MAC when they do stuff like this;
3. If you thought I was going to write about the MAC this week without mentioning this you are nuts (note Iowa is #4);
4. Here is Jimmy Fallon in bed with Chewbacca.

How the Hell Am I Supposed To Keep Track of These Divisions?

The biggest story of the 2010 offseason (conference realignment) has become one of the most exciting changes of 2011. There were some trivial moves amongst the irrelevant Western schools, but by far the biggest and most important was the addition of Nebraska to the Big Ten.

I was wondering if I would ever re-use this picture. Hah hah just kidding, Kelly.

The Big Ten does not take on newcomers lightly. Hell I remember when Michigan State was the new kid on the block ... and they joined in 1949. In fact before Nebraska only three schools had joined our venerable institution in the 20th century: Columbus Community College The Ohio State University (1912), Sparty and Penn State (1990).

The addition of Nebraska means many things for the conference...a natural rivalry game for Iowa, an immediate contender for the championship, a conference title game ... but the most important is this:

How the hell are you supposed to remember who is in these new divisions?

Luckily for you the not-as-fanatical-as-MPF football fan, I'm here to help. Let's start with the basics.

One Division: Iowa, Michigan, Michigan State, Minnesota, Nebraska, Northwestern

The Other Division: Illinois, Indiana, Ohio State, Penn State, Purdue, Wisconsin

That's all well and good, but that's not very easy to remember. After all, smart conferences divided their divisions with clean geographic lines. The Big Texas, formerly known as the Big XII, drew a line along the southern borders of Kansas and Missouri and split into the North and the South. (And much like the Union 150 years ago, that split didn't work out too well.) The SEC likewise has the East and the West. So even if you don't pay much attention to SEC football, you can probably look at a map and realize Florida and Georgia = East and Mississippi/Louisiana/Arkansas-based schools = West.

Getting back to our conference: you've realized there is not a clean geographic split (even though they could have drawn a line between Illinois and Indiana and had six on each side). What about mnemonics? Creating a word out of an acronym?

I suggest "MAIN" and "WOPPII." "Main" is a bastardization of "mmmIAnn" which is the three "M" schools (Michigan, Mitten State and Minny), IowA, and the two "NU"s (Armani and Husker). "WOPPII" represents Wisky, Ohio State, Purdue, Penn State, Indiana and Illinois.

Okay, so maybe you're more visual. Let's go back to geography then. Here are the 12 campuses, with colored dots for each division:


If you prefer to think about the East and West split, just envision these circles:


That's all well and good, but still not super helpful.

However, another way to look at it is this:


These shapes make a sideways blue "C" and a red "L". "Bluesy" has a nice ring to it, and conveniently includes Chicago, home of the blues and awesome American Buddy Guy. The "Red L" (also a Chicago reference, now that I think about it--damn.) contains three "red" schools (Wisky, OSU and Indy), and yeah, looks like an "L". And "Riddell" is the name of an athletics company, so that's pretty easy to remember.

So there you have it: "Bluesy" and "Reddell." Or "Main" and "Swoppii." Hell, it's no worse than "Leaders" and Legends," right?

The Thinnest SEC Preview on the Internet

Here at TMMPF.com we prefer our college football with a Northern bent, with heavy coverage of the Big Ten, MAC and Notre Dame.

But let's face it, the football world starts with the SEC, home of the last five national champions (some of them even legal). And since you'll need to make your Pick Six selections pretty soon, and SEC Media Days wrapped up last week, you'll need to get up to speed.

There are tons of sites out there that cover the SEC in great detail, but since you're a TMMPF.com reader, here's the bare minimum you need to know about each team before the Pick Six starts:

Alabama: Strong defense, popular pick to be in the national championship game. Tornadoes ripped through Alabama in April, killing dozens in Tuscaloosa alone and at least 243 in the state, so they are a sentimental pick, if you can get past their head coach.

Auburn: The key pieces of the tainted championship are gone. Don't pick them on pure principle of them being cheaters*.

Tennessee: Derek Dooley is in his second year. He once compared his team to Nazis (ok, technically, the Germans in WWII). Tyler Bray might be the best QB you've never heard of. Knoxville is awesome.

This is UT Coach Lane Kiffin's Twitter background. I grabbed it after he left but before the school could take it down.

LSU: Looking damn strong. Jordan Jefferson might actually be a good quarterback finally. Their head coach is nuts.

Florida: They have a new head coach whose nickname is "Boom Motherfucker." Their OC is former Kansas City Chiefs OC Charlie Weis. What they don't have is much offensive talent.

Georgia: I've been picking the Bulldogs off and on for years. They keep disappointing me. Mark Richt needs to win sooner or later. Stud RB freshman Isaiah Crowell brought a bulldog puppy to his signing day press conference, and that's pretty cool.

This kid could be Herschel Walker or he could be Maurice Clarett. But even *I* like this.

South Carolina: Steve Spurrier was cocky (pun kinda intended) at media days, and when Spurrier is lippy, that means he thinks he's got a winner. Keep this in mind.

Ole Miss: In the offseason they changed their mascot from the classically cool Colonel Reb to a bear wearing preppy clothes. Their head coach is insane.

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Arkansas: Ryan Mallett is finally gone. They couldn't win the conference with him, why would they win it without him?

Mississippi State: I'll give them credit for this: when Cam Newton's dad said he wanted $200,000 for his son to play there, MSU told him no thanks. Won't make a difference on the field, but I do appreciate the burst of honesty in a dirty conference.

Kentucky: Basketball school. I think they field a football squad, not sure though.

Vanderbilt: Smart school playing against the 11 above. Pick only if you went there and at your own peril.

Good luck with your research, y'all!

* Improper grammar is at the sole discretion of the proprietor and in this case is not making fun of how Southerners talk, just being lazy.

Experienced Candidates Only

Good luck finding someone to qualify for this job (click to see bigger):

The Devil Warming a 'Special Hot Seat' for Tabloid Voicemail Hackers

Makes Ominous Promise: 'I've Got Ideas' for Murdoch, Brooks

NEW YORK--Satan, the Guardian of Hell, made a rare appearance on Earth to announce that he was preparing a "special hot seat" for the British tabloid employees who hacked the phones of murder victims and their family members.

"What those tabloid people did was some fucked up shit, pardon my French," declared the king of the underworld. "I mean, just this morning before I came up here, Pol Pot elbowed me and showed me a newspaper article about the case. He didn't even say anything, just shook his head and walked away. Pol Pot!"

It was revealed this week that employees at News of the World, a tabloid newspaper in London, had broken into the voicemail accounts of not only celebrities, but also targeted the phone of Milly Dowler, a 13-year-old girl abducted and killed in 2002.

A few days later the list of hacking victims was widened to include the family members of the 2005 terrorist attacks, and soldiers killed in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Photographers were able to capture this image before Satan disappeared in a puff of smoke.

The Devil, describing himself as "quite familar" with evil behavior, said the revelations required him to take visible, public action.

"To break into the voicemail of celebrities, that's cruel, unethical, blah blah blah," said the entity also known as Lucifer or Beelzebub. "Murder victims? This newspaper deleted voicemail messages, making the family think their child was still alive. I got a special place for people like that down at my place. I call it Special Hell.

"Rebecca Brooks? Enjoy your living days while you got 'em. I've got ideas. Andy Coulson? More like Andy HOT-son, when I get started on you."

Rupert Murdoch, chief executive of News Corp., decided to shut down the tabloid. But it was too little too late, according to the Prince of Darkness.

"Oh yeah, I've had my eye on 'Rupy', as we call him here," Satan said. "Now there's a long-term project of mine. There's a special hot seat I've got that ... you know, I'll let him find out."

The Devil took only a few questions before leaving and provided few details on his plans, saying only that the News of the World people were "on notice, and that's good enough for now." Asked why he chose a hotel on Manhattan's East Side, instead of London where the activities took place, for the site of his press conference, the Devil shrugged. "I guess it's always good to come back home," he grinned.

Hello Franklin

Good thing we have a "TMMPF News Flash" tag on this blog: yesterday we adopted a kitten!

Hello TMMPF.com readers. My name is Franklin.

This is the first ever picture I took of him:


Our new kitty came from Second Chance Pet Adoption here in the northwest suburbs. We were familiar with the "big shelter" model from Anti-Cruelty Society in the city. But apparently in the suburbs, foster arrangement are more common: agencies put strays with foster parents until they can find a permanent home. Then the agencies host shows at pet stores on the weekends for people like us to fall in love.

I'll say this, he isn't camera shy:

Just for the record, the flash going off in his face was an accident.

It's hard to express how small a 10-week old kitten is when you are used to an adult cat (at nine pounds, Q isn't huge). This picture comes close to getting them in scale:


A better way to describe our reaction is at the 0:25 mark:



Luckily, Quigley has been a very welcoming older brother. They are playing together:


So far there have been no struggles similar to the Booni introduction.

We want to say thank you to Sharon, who was the foster parent to our kitty, and all the folks at Second Chance. If you live in the suburbs and are thinking about adopting a cat, please check them out.

And welcome to our home, Franklin!

How Are You Going to Get Better?

Apropos of nothing, here's a song by the Baseball Project to listen to while you read (opens in new window).

Every fan wants their team to be better than the year before. But for all the talk about recruiting, scheme changes, hot new coordinators and senior leadership, it comes down to this: beating somebody you lost to last year. Conversely, a slide can be caused by the loss of talent or a head coach, but it will be manifested in a loss to somebody you beat last year. (jump to Notre Dame section)

For a perfect example, look at 2010 for the two programs from the football-crazed state of Alabama. The flagship university Crimson Tide were coming off a national championship season. They were a near-universal pick for No. 1 in the preseason. But at 14-0, they had nowhere to go but down. Across the state, the Auburn Tigers finished 8-5 under a first-year head coach and were bringing in a new QB from the juco ranks. Expectations were somewhat muted (23rd nationally in consensus preseason polls).

Gratuitous Saban shot.

You may recall what happened: facing a tough schedule (multiple teams had byes before facing Alabama), the Tide lost to three teams they'd beaten in 2009: South Carolina, LSU, and the hated rivals in the Iron Bowl. Auburn rode Cam Newton and the taint of scandal to the national championship by avenging losses to Arkansas, Kentucky, Georgia, LSU, and the Bammers, while dropping no others along the way.

This by the way is the work of LSUFreek, gif master of the SEC.

Let's talk about this year and about the teams we actually care about: Iowa and Notre Dame. In 2010 Iowa underachieved their way to an 8-5 season, including a bowl win over Missouri. The losses were to Arizona, Ohio State, Wisconsin, Northwestern and Minnesota. By the way I attended two of those, lucky me. Close wins (candidates to swing the other way) were Missouri, Indiana and Michigan (not technically close since it was a 10-point win, but I'm including it because it sure felt close).

How does Iowa get better? It takes a fair amount of optimism. First, you have to retain all eight wins. Iowa State on the road in the Ferentz years is always an adventure. Michigan has the most exciting (not the best) player in the Big Ten, and he's now a junior with a non-idiot for a head coach. Iowa does not do well against spread-oriented teams, and eked by Michigan twice in a row. How long does that luck last? Michigan State has a senior QB (Kirk Cousins) and revenge on their mind (getting killed by Iowa kept Sparty out of the Rose Bowl and a shot at the national championship). That's three W's into Maybes. (I'm not concerned about the non-cons, Penn State or Indiana. Any bowl game is a toss-up.)

As for losses into wins: The non-conference loss @Ariz. could be replaced by a win at home vs. Pitt and all their coaching drama. You would think Iowa is capable of beating Northwestern and Minnesota midseason, as long as the QB and RB positions are settled, but Fitzgerald seems to have our number. That's three L's into weak Maybes. (Wisconsin is still a tough game, and suddenly depleted Ohio State is replaced by a season-ending border rivalry with the resurgent Huskers.) I don't see an improvement on 7-5 with a real chance for a backslide.

Iowa: 2010 vs. 2011

2010 Opp.	Result	2011 Opp.	Result
E. Illinois	Win	Tenn. Tech	?
Ia. State	Win	@Ia. State	?
@Arizona	Loss	Pitt	?
Ball St.	Win	ULM	?
Penn St.	Win	@Penn St.	?
@Michigan	Win	N'western	?
Wisconsin	Loss	Indiana	?
Mich. St.	Win	@Minnesota	?
@Indiana	Win	Michigan	?
@N'western	Loss	Mich. St.	?
Ohio St.	Loss	@Purdue	?
Minnesota	Loss	@Nebraska	?

Notre Dame also eked out an 8-5 but in a much different manner: limping to 4-5 and then closing with four straight wins including a bowl win over Miami. The losses were Michigan, Michigan State, Stanford, Navy and Tulsa. Close wins were Pitt and Southern Cal.

How does Notre Dame get better? First off, Navy damn well better become a win. No more of this losing to Navy shit; Kelly and Diaco should have learned that. You'd like to think we'll flip at least one of the Mitten/Mitten State combo into a win. Both were last-minute losses. Michigan, despite breaking in a new coach, will have a ton of motivation with the first ever night game at Michigan Library Stadium.

South Florida replaces Tulsa and I think in the home opener, that's a win. (Stanford is weaker without coach Harbaugh and FB/LB/bulldozer Owen Marecic, but Luck is still one of the best QBs in the game and I see this as a likely loss.) That is three L's into pretty reasonable W's.

As for retaining wins: Purdue, BC, Wake Forest (replacing Western Michigan if only for the "W" in their name), Maryland (replacing Utah), and Air Force (replacing Army) are all winnable. Pitt SHOULD be winnable but it is a home game for them. USC is a complete enigma as long as Kiffin is in charge. No doubt they will be motivated for the night game, but will they be disciplined? Talented? Prepared? Since it is unlikely to keep all eight in the win column, let's say one flips to a loss (any bowl game is a toss-up).

Notre Dame: 2010 vs. 2011

2010 Opp.	Result	2011 Opp.	Result
Purdue	Win	So. Fla	?
Michigan	Loss	@Michigan	?
@Michigan St.	Loss	Michigan St.	?
Stanford	Loss	@Pitt	?
@BC	Win	@Purdue	?
Pitt	Win	Air Force	?
W. Michigan	Win	Southern Cal	?
Navy	Loss	Navy	?
Tulsa	Loss	@Wake Forest	?
Utah	Win	vs. Maryland	?
Army	Win	BC	?
Southern Cal	Win	@Stanford	?

That's still a net gain of two for a regular season of 9-3, which I would take as solid improvement over 7-5 and 6-6 the year before.